by Valis 57 Replies latest jw friends
Hey,
Sorry to hear about your problems with your Dad. It sucks when they're in and we're out and they won't listen to anything we say, eh? I've had the same arguements with my family, so I know what it's like.
I think it's very kind of you to invite over those who won't have family to visit/celebrate with. You're a great guy Valis!
((((((((((valis))))))))))
(((((Valis))))) Well, I hope three pages on this thread convince you that you are definitely loved and cared about by your cyberfamily, if not by your sperm & egg donors. Now that Big Tex and I have kids, we are absolutely amazed that people can so callously and lightly dismiss their children from their lives. But I'm really proud of you for speaking up. As far as I'm concerned, there is no wrong time to say it, and no such thing as saying too much. If your heart tells you to speak, then speak. Good for you!!! And I think you will have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving with the people you have invited. Remember: "Friends are God's way of apologizing for relatives." Now, get out the popcorn and beer and let's watch Jesika and Valerie Williams kick some serious butt on Channel 8!!!
Lots of love,
Nina
Valis,
Hey man... I'll be there Thursday. I've got a pecan pie, some nuts, and your xmas present.
Hi Valis, All,
As I matured and became educated way beyond my parent's level, they were threatened and they acted like they were losing a piece of themselves every time I gained understanding of a new word or a new concept. I felt like they resented my education and my successes.
They needed to maintain the status quo, to keep the lid on the box and to keep me in it, if all was to be alright with them. For a long time, into my 50's even, I kept up the facade that they accepted, that they expected. But I wanted to break with the facade and I had little slips when I was around them. Finally I had enough and I showed them the real me. They rejected me instantly and we have not had rapport since that day in 1995. I have contacted then a time or two since then but they are abusive and rejecting now and I will not try to contact them again.
I have let them know the burden of initiation of contact is up to them and if they need anything I will see it is provided if it is within my power and means. I have closed that door. There are too many people in my life that want to be with me to waste time with a few who do not.
My adult relationship with my relatives and my parents was not like I had imagined it would be. I wish it could have been different but it was not and I have accepted that.
In many ways, I wish I had had the guts to drop the act years earlier and got that rejection over with sooner. I have been much more at peace with myself since. A whole level of fear and anxiety melted away. Rejection by my parents was my worst fear and with my knowledge of the truth about their god, the Watch Tower Publishing Corporation, heavy on my mind, we were on a collision course and I knew it.
In the end it was easy for them to reject me. The Watch Tower Corporation had warned them about having children anyway, and now their son is an apostate. They wished they had listened.
For me, my association with the Jehovah's Witnesses has been just one loss after another. The farther I get away from them, the fewer the losses, and the better life gets. The real damage done by the Watch Tower Corporation is done two or three generations down the line. Break the chain.
Thanks and best wishes,
gb
The Way I See it http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm
Im so sorry Valis.
As usual, my JW family wont be contacting me on Thanksgiving either.
I'll be having a small dinner at home. They tell me they are worried about my spiritual well being. Wait until they find out that after we celebrate Thanksgiving here, I am volunteering to help serve thanksgiving dinner to 100s of disadvantaged people and OMG it is going to be held at a PAGAN church!!! Imagine!!! I will surly be killed in armageddon right along with them. So what if half of them dont have a dime to their name but would still would give you the shirt off their back, they are still "worldly" right?
Sometimes stangers can be more like family than our own.
I've never met an "Apostate" yet that didn't want just one simple thing - a normal loving family
I don't think anything could be more true.
(((((Valis))))) This is such a sad situation. He apparently found out recently about your "apostate association". Hopefully given time he will cool off. Reassuring him that you love him and all of the family is a good move.
I posted a letter I had sent to one of my brothers who is an elder. We e-mailed back and forth all week about it and we really had a lot to say to each other. I am one of the few who are lucky enough to say that we worked through a lot of our issues. I think a lot of our problems were misunderstandings of how we each felt. We both knew that we do love one another very much. The timing for finding our peace was oddly enough just a week prior to finding out that our mother is very sick (cancer). Valis hang in there.
Karla
(((((((Valis))))))))))) Sorry to hear the sad news.. I hope they come around for you and your children's sake
Kelps
Hey Valis,
Wow. I stay off-line for more than 24 hours and miss threads like yours. I should quit my job and pay more than the usual attention for whatever it was they said we should do that for....
It seems clear that your parents are in a position where they have to choose between YOU and The Creator of the Universe. If they are completely ensnared in the mindset, they might even see this particular "matter of personal conscience" situation that they are in as some kind of freak 'honor' or something. Having to make personal sacrifices (such as the loss of any reality-based relationship dynamics with their very own offspring) can be real spiritual power-boosters in the eyes of all of those other wonks in the congregation. Their decision has been made FOR them; it is written in the holy watchtower how one should conduct oneself in these situations; it takes STRONG persons who are willing to toss the whole organization, Jehovah and all, to even THINK beyond these constraints. People with this much presence of mind are rare and few.
I learned a long time ago that there is a 'family of origin' and a "family of choice." It rocks when you have a family that is - well, whatever it is that a family is - but most of the time it's just imaginary, really.....
Many people love you, and would love to come over and eat/drink/laugh till they pass out from sheer joy - I know I would - and I could burp like a huge insect and stuff and it would feel normal and stuff.
Grabbing your beer and running, laura
Valis,
I wish I could visit you. I bet you make a mean turkey buddy!
good luck, hang in there, you are not alone,
LUTECE
Edited by - Lutece on 26 November 2002 23:55:56
Edited by - Lutece on 26 November 2002 23:57:2
Valis,
Sorry to hear of your troubles. I always enjoy reading your posts. I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving anyway!!!!!
jurs
