Sorry to hear about your family. I can really identify. Same with my dad. I never really attack his beliefs, though I might occasionally ask him leading questions, like "hear about the child molestation scandal"? But every so often he starts on this "my boys are going to die at Armageddon and I'll have to tell your mother she'll never see her boys again" stuff. It usually angers me and I unload too. Last time he asked if I ever think about the truth. I told him that "I think that what he calls the truth is a bunch of lies". He seems stunned, forgetting (or blocking) all of the things I brought up last time we went through this excercise. I again bring up issues like 1914 and he claims ignorance and presents no defense, then brings up the usual "where else are you going to go? Even IF we're wrong, who else is better?" argument. The JWs were the ones that always taught me, if your religion isn't the truth, you need to leave it. So I did.
I end up assuring him that I do believe in God and that I do study the Bible and that I don't believe I need an organization. And if he thinks God will punish me anyway, he's just going to have to live with that.
At this point, he either decides arguing and getting into a fight will be real painful for him or he has accepted that maybe I'm not all wrong and maybe he should let God decide - maybe my faith will "save" me. Either way, the issue tends to go away for quite a while. We still meet and do things together when I visit and I talk to him long-distance every week. He has not taken the "new light" to shun me.
I have no illusions of being able to deprogram him and I expect these things to rise again. I try not to be confrontational, as that only risks our relationship. But when he brings up these condescending attitudes. That we apostates are just spoiled brats that didn't get our way.... That he knows I'm doomed. It just gets to me. I can't hold it back, because I know he's the one following the false organization. Yet I leave him to that and accept it. Believe me, I've wanted to go toe-to-toe with him and he would not be able to defend his beliefs. But I hold back. Why not agree to disagree?
The way you've been playing it is the same way I've been playing it and, except for the occasional conversation, we have a happy father-son relationship. It sounded like that's the way it was going for you too. He obviously wasn't hung-up on the shunning policy for you.
But, keeping a low-profile is important too. My father, and probably nobody else from my JW days, knows who I am or that I post here. Not that I hold it against you, but your profile has your name, your e-mail account is open, and you have a picture on your profile. JWs can ID you are and report back. Your views are not hidden and you even organized an Apostafest. You (and everyone else posting) must realize that by being that open, these things can get back to your family and your old congregation and things might get harder on you. I think it's one thing to drift away and another to be actively anti-JW. Your decision is your own and I'm not saying it's a bad one - just one that can have effects.
I hope things cool down and you reestablish your relationship. Have a very happy Thanksgiving.
