I need advise please

WildHorses

I once posted about my son, and his being given a ticket for public intoxication. Well, he came home a while ago drunk. I flew off the handle and we had a few words. I tried to explain to him that Alcoholism runs in the family and if he continues as he has been.(Found out he has been drinking at least every other day, he stays at his friends house a lot since he turned eighteen) he will end up an alcoholic like they are. He started cursing me out and that pissed me off and I told him to get out. He isn't at Shawns or Jims(his bosses house) I called looking for him already.

Well anyway, I made a few calls and warned these so called friends that if/when I find out who is supplying the booze that I am going to have them arrested for contributing to a minor.

What else can I do? Any suggestions are most welcome.

Utopian_Raindrops

Well....if it were my son....I would have waited till morning hang over.....Let all the nice daylight in his room and play music he HATES real loud......and when he was like squinting going..."Ma...what's up?"

I'd say nothing......but continue to be a real pain....letting him get NO sleeping in time and make nausiating food that makes him feel like puking!

Warning his friends about calling the cops is a good thing though. That you did good.

This guy didn't believe my parents would do it when he was suplying for my sister and my dad done did call! The guy ended up in jail over night....had to go to court.....face my dad and the judge....get's a record.....probation....etc.

Funny thing is.....my sister NEVER saw this guy again....he made himself disapear....wonder why

I know it's hard to not blow your top.....but arguing with a drunk kid who feels like a grownup is just not productive.

If he joined the armed forces his ID would get him liquer in any bar on base and in most towns around the base......also overseas. Many move out and get apartments at 18....or even marry. I married at 18....not a smart move mind you....didn't last.....but it's legal.

Most likely he is not going to be an alcoholic.

He's just feels the freedom of his age.

You sound like a good mom......trust the job you did

Agape,

Utopian_Raindrops

Edited by - Utopian_Raindrops on 21 December 2002 0:57:22

WildHorses

That's just it. I don't trust my judgement. I know I shouldn't have flew off the handle but at the time, I was so angry. After his having to go to court for the ticket, he swore he wouldn't drink anymore and then I find out he has been doing it all along. I don't even know where he is at this moment. I know he will be back. We both told each other we love one another but I am just scared to death he will continue drinking and ruin his life.

My father was really bad. He used to beat my step mother when he was drunk. He stopped drinking back when I was seventeen and he is a totally different person now that he is sober.

Stevens father is an alocoholic too, which is one of the reasons we divorced. I just see a patern here and want to try and stop it before it gets bad.

Funny thing is, Steven brought up my drinking when I was his age. I told him, sure I drank but it was legal back then and I only drank once in a blue moon. I seldom ever drink. I bet I drink less then a fifth in a years time.

Sorry for rambling.

Funchback

Lilacs-

Let me state that I am in no way being a smart alec (after all, you are one of my favorite Poster's). I can't imagine what you must be going through emotionally. Do you think that your son may already be an alcoholic? Perhaps if you want to be really hard on your son, call the police on him the next time he comes home intoxicated. Maybe that will shake him up? It may not, I don't know. Does he have a Driver's License? If so (and if he has access to a vehicle), you need to be as hard as you can on him and those who supply him with booze. God forbid that he or someone else gets injured or killed while DUI.

I hope everything turns out well for you and him! {{{{{Lilacs}}}}}

pettygrudger

((Lilacs))

First lesson - you can never argue w/um when they've been drinking. They cannot reason, nor do they want to. Best to just let them pass out, and get over the hang over.

#2 - Hardest one - if he won't "help" himself, there will be nothing you can do, except help yourself. Contact Al-Anon and go to a couple of meetings - you might find some answers and good advice there.

This must be so hard......email me if you need to talk.

Funchback

petty...

I like your advice much better than mine.

WildHorses

Funch, what are the signs of an alcoholic? When is one considered one? All I know is I stopped keeping alcohol in my house because once, about a year and a half ago, I had a fifth of vodka here and I hadn't touched it after the first drink(it was lemon flavored.yuck) well anyway, I had company one day and they wanted a drink. I fixed him one out of that bottle only to find out it was mostly water. Steven, after a few days admited he had drank it. I wonder if this is why he is always angry? He is always fighting with his brother and sister and he never accepts responsibility for his part in them. I just don't know.

WildHorses

Rhonda, seeing as Steven is 18, if it came to down to it, can I have him commited to rehab? Or is he to old for me to do that now?

I have a good friend who is a police officer. I am going to speak with him tomorrow if I can get in touch with him.

Also, if it get's really bad, should I kick him out? I'd worry about him if I did, but I've heard that this sometimes schocks them into reality?

Utopian_Raindrops

Lilacs....your not rambling your trying to figure this out.

You have never been the Mom of an 18 year old boy and so you need advice.

You sound like an open person and if your son and you can state your feelings for each other....you've done better then most parents!

Even today alot of parents and children do not say "I Love You" So you and your son have something special.

I think your son will even out......like you said you hardly ever drink and you have been his MAIN role model....so you are the person he will take after as an adult.

My oldest is turning 17.......I can't even imagine 18 yet!! **YIKES**

I think the tough love thing is ok as a last resort.

Your still at the talking stage I think.

Maybe have him do volunteer work at a rehab center...then he can see where the steps he's taking can lead him

Maybe you don't trust your abilites but I think the kind of person who looks for advice has good instincts

Funchback

Hi, Lilacs-

I was wondering that too (what are the signs). This link seemed to provide some insight: http://www.thewayup.com/newsletters/121501.htm

I'll search for some more.

I need advise please

Share this