by BugEye 139 Replies latest social humour
While swimming in the nude at a deserted California beach, the young man sustained a painful sunburn over his entire body; and later that night, while in bed with his date, he found the agony almost unbearable. Stepping into the kitchen, he poured a tall glass of cold milk and submerged the object of his greatest discomfort.
"My Goodness!" the girl gasped, watching him from the doorway. I've always wondered how men load that thing!"
Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me???!!!"
Blamestorming:
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible
Seagull Manager:
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits on everything and then leaves.
Swiped Out:
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Alpha Geek:
The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
Assmosis:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
GOOD Job:
A "GetOutOfDebt" job. A well paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Percussive Maintenance:
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee queer.
The bartender looks up and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya??? Where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
