Just a few more (page 14)

BugEye

A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes and the girl was among the group. The police had all the prostitutes line up.

The girl's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter. Not willing to let her know the truth, the girl told her grandmother that some people were passing out free oranges and she was lining up for some.

Grandma wanted oranges too, so she went to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from the prostitutes. When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and asked, "You are so old, how do you do it?"

"Oh, it's easy. I just take my dentures out and suck them dry."

BugEye

Harry goes up to a whore and says, "How much for a blow job?" She says, "A hundred bucks."
He tries to talk her down, but she won't budge, so he agrees to pay the hundred. Then he starts to jack off.
She says, "What are you doing that for?" He says, "For a hundred bucks, do you think I'm gonna give you the easy one?"

BugEye

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

BugEye

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Francois

What's brown and black and looks good on an attorney? A Doberman.
________________

What's the difference between an attorney and a catfish? One is a slimey, bottom-dwelling, shit eater and the other is a fish.
________________

Having received too much candy from all her admirers on Valentine's Day, the beautiful teacher designed a simple quiz that would allow her to distribute the excess candy to her students.

"What's brown and hard and has peanuts Sandy?"

"Peanut brittle, teacher," said Sandy.

"That's right, Sandy. You win this box of peanut brittle. Now, what's round and had a stick poking out of it, Judy?"

"That's a sucker, teacher."

"That's right Judy. Here's a box of suckers for you. And now Tommy, what's shaped like a teardrop, flat on the bottom, made of chocolate and wrapped in aluminum foil?"

Tommy doesn't have a clue.

"Well, here Tommy, put one in your mouth and see if you can tell me what it is."

Still nothing.

The teacher, trying to be helpful, says, "Well, Tommy, what does your mother give your father every night before they turn out the light?" Upon which little Jimmy jumps up out of his seat, eyes like dinner plates, and screams at the top of his lungs: "Spit it out quick Tommy. It's a piece of ass."

BugEye

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: An ironing board's legs are harder to get open.

BugEye

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: One. The rest are all true stories.

Seven

Q: What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A: No one else wants it.

Q: Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A: Invisible.

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: "Has the blonde left yet?"

Q: Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
A: The hair from a buffalo's ass was more manageable.

Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: The invitation.

Q: What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A: A hostage.

Q: Who makes bras for brunette's?
A: Fisher-Price.

Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A: It matches their mustache.

Q: Why do brunettes sleep on their stomachs all night long?
A: Because they can.

Caole

Just bringing this thread back to the top

Great jokes Bugeye! I found quite a few that I had lost(in emails)when my operating system crashed. It's nice to find so many funny ones in one thread. Thanks for sharing them

Cowboy

Great thread.I'll contribute a couple of little Johnny jokes.

One of the third graders had heard the word penis,but didn't know what it meant.After some discussion on the playground,Johnny volunteered to find out. So that evening he asked his Mom who told him to ask his Dad.Finding Dad in the bathroom, Johnny asked him "Dad what's a penis?".His Dad turned to Johnny and showed him his"Son this is a penis-in fact it's a perfect penis".So next day on the playground Johnny pulled his out and explained"This is a penis-in fact,if it were two inches shorter,it would be a perfect penis".

Johnny was prone to cursing in school.One day after telling his teacher he needed to piss,she tried to explain that he should say urinate.Johnny said he understood,so the next day she asked him to use urinate in a sentence.This was his reply-"Sure teacher,you're an eight,but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a ten".

Just a few more

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