Holy hell--how did I miss this thread??
Josh, my little monkey lumpkins!! I love you so much dude, and my respect and admiration for you have just doubled and tripled, if that was even possible.
Ya made me cry damn you!
I actually still have the diary I kept when I was in fourth grade where I wrote that I knew I was evil and a sinner, and that I wished I was dead--and that I really hopped Jehovah didn't resurrect me because I didn't want to face everyone in the paradise. Those feelings of not being good enough for God's grace really were hammered into us weren't they?
What you wrote about being depressed, and the feeling that Jehovah didn't answer prayers, and didn't care about us, really REALLY hit home for me. It was compounded by the fact that his "followers" didn't really care about us either.
That feeling of unworthyness really came flooding back to me as I read your post. I can't even imagine how much worse those feelings must have been for you--knowing you were that perpetual "sinner"--ugh! It makes me want to vomit even thinking of that un-caring cruelty.
You are such an amazing person. You've made me laugh until my sides hurt, and now--you bastard! Made me cry like a some housewife watching a Lifetime movie eating bon-bons--I hope you're happy! lol!
I am so glad you survived, and I am so glad you are in a good place now--living your life with someone who loves you very much. Because you deserve all the love and happiness in the world my friend--you really do!
And I am even more glad that you post here and that you could share this story with us. Please don't ever think of taking it down--everyone really needs to read this.
*tons of hugs*
Oh yeah--and those of you who were fighting in this thread previously--Puh-lease! How rude!! This has nothing to do with YOU! Don't make me come after you because I do bite!