by William Penwell 78 Replies latest jw friends
I know I'm still going to be flamed by those who don't understand genetics, but c'est la vie.
I have managed to rise above genetics.
Which doesn't, of course, explain why I'm hot for Hamas.....but then, there is much, much more to that gorgeous man than meets the eye.
Those men have the genes that women want for their children. Unfortunately, those men aren't the nice guys. They're the bad guys who sleep around, who ooze confidence and don't give a damn about the many women in their lives. But if a woman can have just one son by one of these men, she is likely to have far more descendants than if she settles for the ugly, faithful guy and has five or six children by him.
The above statement makes no sense. One child vs 5 or 6? It seems to me that the ugly, faithful guy wins if a woman is only a biological breeding machine.
Are you saying that you believe that behaviour is a product of genetic programming? What do you provide as proof of your assertion, if so?
A man who spends a lot of time trying to please one woman is sending the message that he can't get any woman he wants, that he needs this woman in order to have any chance of reproducing. This is not good for the woman who can only reproduce approximately once a year and must spend a huge amount of time and energy investing in her offspring.
Yes, a huge amount of time and energy is invested in her offspring so it would be a good idea if the father sticks around to help with the costs of such offspring. Again, genetically, the ugly, faithful guy wins.
She doesn't want her children to have "loser" genes. But she might keep him nearby just in case, especially if the ticking of her biological clock is getting louder.
Let's see, stability, companionship, help with the offspring is considered to be a loser? Not in my opinon. Not if it is only genetics and survival that is involved here. Again, the ugly, faithful man wins. At least until the kids are old enough to fend for themselves.
it should go without saying - but I know from experience that it can't - that none of this is a conscious choice made by women. They just like these guys and don't always know why. They're certainly not sitting down calculating the relative genetic potential of each man they meet. But that's effectively what their genes are doing.
Yes, women do make a conscious choice regarding mates. Unfortunately, some women are addicted to the high that the philanderer causes them. They can't see past the excitement to make a logical choice. They also want to save this bad boy because many women have a saviour complex and stupidly think that their love is gonna save him. Just the way Hollywood want them to think. After all, love did save John Nash, right? What a load of crap Hollywood produces.
Also, men and women want what they think that they cannot have. It makes them feel special and as if they stand out from the rest of the crowd if they can capture the unattainable. Never underestimate conceit and pride and ego trips when it comes to the dating/mating game.
Even with that caveat, I know I'm still going to be flamed by those who don't understand genetics, but c'est la vie.
If we are going to discuss the wisdom of genetics, doesn't it make more sense genetically that women would want a stable, loving, provider for them and their children? And what about the women who are past child bearing age? Who are they going to chose for a mate?
Robyn
Robyn,
I am never mean. I don't think I have a mean bone in me.
I will tell you about a year ago I was chatting with a lady on line and over the phone for almost 3 months. She insisted we meet so I went all the way out your way to meet her. After her saying how madly in love with me etc. I tried to cool her enthusiasm by warning her that we may not click when we meet face to face. Anyway when I arrived she took one look at me and said she wasn't attracted to me...I didn't care about that so much but after going all the way out there and didn't have the money to fly all the way back home, she treated me like garbage the whole time I was there. I swear never again.
Will
The so-called "nice guys" are the types of guys that complain and complain about how girls go for the assholes. Well these nice guys are sometimes assholes and just do not realize it... That and when they have this attitude that "all women date assholes", women are turned off by the blanket generalization. It also shows a huuuge lack of confidence. also unattractive.
Sometimes, these "nice guys" only go for the TYPE of girl that goes for assholes. Think about it. Its not "all girls go for assholes". Just the type the guy goes for.
I mean, I know it is so much easier to blame all of woman kind, but seriously folks, is it more likely that there is something wrong with all 3 billion people, or is it more likely that there is just something wrong with your attitude and outlook on relationships?
Robyn,
I was watching a show about sex and some studies and physiologist believe that we weren't meant to be monogamist. That there is a drive in men to want to breed with as many woman as possible.... However that is not my belief but I am just quoting what I heard.
Will
Then don't complain when you get stuck with a loser!!!
You must like the taste of your foot Will, LOL! I'm getting married next June. Also, my fiance is far from a loser. She takes control of her own personal life, and she knows how to stand up for herself. She has little to no emotional baggage, which is incredibly rare in a woman.
I'm not marrying her because my heads floating in the clouds of love. I'm not marrying her because she's good in bed. I'm marrying her because she is an all-around great woman who will ADD to my happiness. She is not the source of my happiness, I am.
Growing up as a dub you were trained to be very approval seeking type of person.
This is very true, and that's something I had to change. I don't look for approval. When I was single, I learned how to say whatever the hell I wanted when I was around women. I had to learn how to NOT be intimidated by a woman's looks.
As far as the niceness goes, oh well thats the way I am there is nothing I can do about it.
I laugh everytime I hear that. I used to be a nice guy. I used to be incredibly nice to women, and was careful that I didn't say anything to offend them. By doing this, I found myself with my d**k in my hand every night.
Let me give you an example of a situation that my fiance put me in. First, I'll give you what I would have said as a nice guy, then what I actually said.
Her: What do you think of these pants?
Nice Me: I think they really look good on you!
Now, Here's what I actually said:
Her: What do you think of my pants?
Me: I think you should take them off!
Did I risk offending her? Yes. Did I offend her? No. Women like men who aren't afraid of themselves, and are willing to take risks. For the record, she proposed to me.
It took me a while to learn how to say what was on my mind without offending women. People have the incredible ability to change themselves, but few have the determination to do it.
I just have to learn to work with it so that people don't take advantage of my kindness.
I have a little theory on this one as well. When people meet a nice guy, they automatically see him as "weak". They'll think "oh, he's a nice guy, he won't mind if I borrow $100". Then it comes to "oh, he's a nice guy, he won't mind if I pay it back when I have the extra money". And of course, the nice guy gets taken advantage of, because he doesn't stand up for himself.
Men who take complete control of their own lives and actions will get much farther, not only in their business transactions, but in human transactions, which includes WOMEN.
Aren't women cute when you tell them "no" and they give you that puppy dog face? They sure are, but it doesn't mean you should give into them. Look after yourself first, and people will follow you. They'll see you as a strong person and will look up to you.
Now, I've got a question for you. Is being nice WORKING? If it isn't, you need to make some changes to your personality to make it attractive to women. You don't have to be a total asshole, but you need to find the happy medium. Remember, women are attracted to personality first. Looks don't matter that much. Ever see a hottie with a fat ugly dude who drives a shitty car? He attracted her with his personality.
Any more questions?
JWbot,
I never use the AH word to describe others, that is a little strong. I have also said it goes both ways to. I know there is a lot of jerks both male and female. I have had some tips on how to play the game but that is one thing I will not stoop to. This is me take it or leave it. All I was doing was asking a question for some responses because it is just as puzzling for me as it is for you.
Will
Maybe you have the wrong opinion of me but yes I maybe kind but I have learned to not allow people to walk all over me and tell it like it is weather they like it or not. As far as women go, I treat them no differently than I would treat another guy. I tell it like it is and don't kiss butt either. If they don't like it they can kiss my butt...
Nosferatu,
I am happy for you and wish you all the best in a long and happy relationship.
was watching a show about sex and some studies and physiologist believe that we weren't meant to be monogamist. That there is a drive in men to want to breed with as many woman as possible....
Will, it is funny how these physiologists never mention that women have the same biological drive to provide genetic diversity. Could this be because it is socially acceptable, yeah, encouraged for a man to get out there and get all the gusto he can while not providing women the same opportunity? This is because men do not want a level playing field. They want their cake and to eat it too. I really wonder if their fragile egos can handle having done to them what they love to do to women and so use science to support their randy behavior while denying women the same excuse. Also, until recently, the only way that society could ensure that the offspring produced in a marriage was truly the husband's was to insist that the wife remain faithful.
It bothers me that the sociologists look to other members of the animal kingdom to support their claims that we are all just a bunch of genetic breeders and that men are only doing "what is natural".
While I do believe that genetic survival and genetic diversity do play into what makes us tick and that humans are bipedal animals, one of the thing that seperates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is our well developed frontal lobes. Because of this, we need not be victims to mindless, biological impulses. We can make logical choices when it comes to breeding as well as a few other things.
Robyn
I will tell you about a year ago I was chatting with a lady on line and over the phone for almost 3 months. She insisted we meet so I went all the way out your way to meet her. After her saying how madly in love with me etc. I tried to cool her enthusiasm by warning her that we may not click when we meet face to face. Anyway when I arrived she took one look at me and said she wasn't attracted to me...I didn't care about that so much but after going all the way out there and didn't have the money to fly all the way back home, she treated me like garbage the whole time I was there. I swear never again.
I'm just catching up on this thread, and I figured I'd analyze the experience you wrote.
I will tell you about a year ago I was chatting with a lady on line and over the phone for almost 3 months.
Ah, the "Phone Relationship" and the "Internet Relationship" as I call them. I've gone through this crap myself, and I've come up with some explanations on how this works.
Women are VERY receptive to body language. Ever notice how women will say "God, look at her! She's such a bitch!", and the two haven't exchanged a single word? How many men do you know like that?
With women being extremely receptive to body language, they get absolutely none of that when you're chatting on the internet or the phone. When you spend an incredible amount of time on the phone, she begins to form an opinion of you. She begins to adapt to you as a person with voice (or words) only. She'll form a mental image of what you look like based on what you've told her.
Think of it as your living room. You have a couch, a coffee table, a TV, grey carpet and white walls. You've become accustomed to how this furniture is arranged, and what it all looks like. You now picture what the living room would look like if you put a recliner in it.
Now you meet her in person for the first time. She has suddenly been handed a new dimension of you - your personal appearance. She's not used to this. This is nothing like she pictured.
It's like if you took your living room and actually put a recliner in it. It's going to take some time to get used to having a new piece of furniture in the room. You may bump into it a couple of times by accident, and you discover that the color doesn't really go with the rest of the living room.
This is why I would keep internet and phone conversations to a bare minimum. This way, a woman gets the whole package in the beginning, the looks, the personality, the voice, the facial reactions, etc. It's much easier to get used to a whole new living room, rather than one piece of furniture.
She insisted we meet so I went all the way out your way to meet her.
Anyway when I arrived she took one look at me and said she wasn't attracted to me...I didn't care about that so much but after going all the way out there and didn't have the money to fly all the way back home, she treated me like garbage the whole time I was there. I swear never again.
If she insisted, why the hell didn't she come to see you? Oh yeah, you're a nice guy. You'll fork out the money to make the trip, pay for a hotel, book the week off work, etc. In my opinion, no woman is worth this much trouble. Ever try meeting a woman in a bookstore, or a grocery store rather than the internet? It's much cheaper, you'll find a better quality woman, and she gets the whole package at once.
