I can relate. I don't have any good advice for you. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry that you are feeling so alone, and that you are not alone in your aloneness ((Flower))
my heart hurts.
by flower 54 Replies latest jw experiences
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bikerchic
(((((((((((((((flower)))))))))))))))
I hope your sad mood lifts after you read all the wonderful support from all your friends here. We care, I care.
Kate
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mouthy
Flower!!! I sent you an e-mail & it came back? About a week ago!!! Your going through a depression How come you didnt go to Joys apaostafest? You are still working for a travel agency arent you? If your having money troubles give me a e-mail I am able to help at this point a bit... If it is a man your missing??? ( join a singles group) dont give a darn about what they are doing in the office- I find folks love to gossip in offices.... Listen & laugh.... How our little one? is he giving you problems.? I wont say what I would do in your condition( cos you already know -I have told you often enough) I wish you COULD realize that I think prayer helps.>>>> ( Oh thats a bad word to lots on here) But It helps me I find HE is MY best friend & helps me through the rough spots. try it You might like it. ((((((HUG))))
Want to come & stay a few days with "GRANNY:: ?
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nilfun
Okay, I know this is not on topic, but I just wanted to say that I think Mouthy is a real sweetheart!
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jesussaves
Flower,
You remind me so much of myself about three years ago. It's really hard when you miss that sense of community that comes from being a JW. Everybody doesn't have it rough growing up as a JW. Some of us had lots of friends (we thought) and had fun just hanging and being teenagers. I went to so many parties, that I can't even count them. I had my little clique, and we were divas! Never wore the same outfit twice to a social event.
When you just cut yourself off, and you do that by leaving the JW's, it's hard because your friends don't understand that you're the same person. It doesn't stop you from missing them. I have all new friends, but I still miss the ones I grew up with. It hurts that they've never seen my children and that I'll probably never see theirs.
I know folks are going to yell and scream at me for this, but have you tried joining a church? There are alot of non-denominational, non-cultish, unoppressive churches out here that just help people to heal of their pain. You'll find women that have things in common with you. I stopped missing my JW friends so much when I had real girlfriends to call, shop and go out to eat with. I entertain at my house, which is something that I always loved to do as a JW. I was always having parties at my house because I love cooking for people. I enjoy the feeling I get when people enjoy my food.
Let me tell you, Flower, I just went on an 8 day cruise retreat with the Women's ministry at my church. I felt like I got a little bit of my youth back. I had forgotten how funny I can be and how easily I can make people laugh!
Also, about your sister....(((((Flower))))). I'm going through the same thing with mine. We're eighteen months apart in age, and she hasn't spoken to me in two years. She has no relationship with her three nieces and has never even met her nephew. Your sister probably thinks that you're on the verge of coming back because you're feeling lonely. You just have to know that she thinks she's helping you. She thinks she's showing love by shunning you.
BTW....I'm a writer too. I just landed a two book publishing deal. I'll let you know when it comes out. It's like an inspirational Waiting to Exhale. Keep writing, because it also helps in the healing process.
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Gadget
(((Flower)))
Its hard isn't it. If you ever want to chat, or even just need someone to shout at and vent a little my email is [email protected]. I'm on messenger with this address too.......
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Shutterbug
You know you can email me any time hon [email protected]
Lady Lee has used her expertise, at no cost, several times on this forum, and her advice, at least in my humble opinion, has always been sound. She will make a very good resource for you. As you can see, there are a lot of friends right here who are concerned about you and willing to help in any way possible. So keep your chin up and do your best to make the best of a not so good present situation.
Please PM me, I would like to help in my limited way. Bug
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DanTheMan
my attempts to make new friends outside of the jw's have been mostly futile. the people i work with are immature and are more interested in the latest office gossip
I can relate to that, I am not the most popular person where I work either and find it difficult to relate to a lot of my coworkers.
I'm sorry that you're going through a rough period, know that you're not alone. The behavior of your sister is a classic and unfortunate example of the lack of humanity that religious fundamentalism produces.
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pettygrudger
(((Flower)))
IT is hard as an ex-JW to feel like you fit in "anywhere" really....I suffer a little of that myself. it sounds like you've been doing all the right things to establish new roots/friendships, but sometimes the process can take awhile.
Have you thought of joining the PTA or volunteering at your children's schools? And just because that particular writing group didn't work out, there's always others! Have you tried going to or even starting a ex-JW meet-up in your area?
And as Shutterbug said - there are many here who care about you. It will get easier, it just takes time.
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DJ
Hi Flower,
I know it is hard. I have two sisters who don't care about me. I miss them too. I used you fantasize about having them as my friends and the things that we could share. It has gotten easier over time and I have come to accept it now but I will probably always keep hope that one day they will wake up. I had a terrible time adjusting to life outside the wt mentality. There will always be people in the world like the people in your office so just keep your chin up and continue to see that they are wrong. Maybe one day you will be able to help them see that they are engaged in futile, destructive behavior. You have a good head on your shoulders, flower. This may sound silly to you but I have found that doing good for others who are less fortunate is a huge pick me upper. You will see another side of life that is beautiful and caring. You will find happiness in time. I used to think the same exact thing that you said below:
But at times like this I have to wonder if I have truly pissed God off from a very young age and have been doomed to live out this existance as a punishment.
Let me completely reassure you that this is Not true. I am convinced but it did take time for me to find God's love in truth. He knows how you feel and that you have been abused by false teachers. He is there waiting to give you new life. I used to be so full of fear about this and I was convinced that God had discarded me but He is faithful and has shown me that He is love. He can heal all of your pain but you have to be willing to let Him. He doesn't want to squash you! I actually used to think that! Just try to pray my friend and wait. Hold on and be still and you will hear His voice in your heart. He is able to work a powerful transformation in your heart and mind and life itself. Don't let these false teachers harden your heart about the love of God in Christ...otherwise those lying false prophets win. He knows that you hurt and that you have fear and imho and experience...only He can heal your pain. I am living proof that He is able to and willing to bring a person from the depths of despair and darkness and fear and hate and lift them to the highest peak. Hold on flower and don't give up sweetie. Give that cute little boy of yours...a hug from me. love, dj
