my heart hurts.

by flower 54 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Dansk

  as Shutterbug said - there are many here who care about you.

  THERE CERTAINLY ARE!

  I think it's all been said, Flower. Please realise you are not alone. Do please contact LadyLee and, yes, Mouthy IS a real sweetie.

  Ian
• 

  mouthy

  AW!! Nilfun & DanskThank you both..... Hang in there Flower. I have a roll-away bed.. In my small apartment. But I promise I wont TALK too much about my friend. Come for a cuddle.
• 

  shera

  (((((Flower)))))
• 

  Tinkerbell4125

  (((((((((((((Flower)))))))))))), as you can see here, you are truly not alone. Most of us here know what it is like to miss someone in our family and I hope you've gained some support from all these wonderful posts! I have several brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews that I miss terribly. I hope one day they will change their views. Do hang in there and draw comfort in knowing that many many people do care about you!

  Yes Mouthy, you are a sweetie!!! You too LadyLee! =;o)

  Hey Karla! =;o)
• 

  reboot

  ((flower)) we all care; SO much, I can't bear to think of any of us out there on our own-it really upsets me- call me anytime -or if you send me yours i'll call you; i'll send you my phone number and email just so you have it.

  Putting your self out there and making an effort was an incredibly brave thing to do.It will get better - please don't give up trying.

  I'm sorry to hear about your conversation with your sis, that must'vr been awful for you.

  Things will get better in time, and until then you've got us lot.
• 

  Redneckgurl

  Flower,

  Sorry to hear what I happening to you, please don't think that God is doing this to you sweetie! The Bible even says he does not try us with evil, and having no friends sux! Something I have learned is that no matter where you go, whether it be the Kingdom Hall, another church, a workplace, whatever, wher there are people, there is that kind of treatment of eachother going on. Some places are worse than others, but people are people and they like to gossip and talk..........that's why there have always been so many talks about gossip, and that won't change.

  You are going through a cycle of grief and mourning that will pass and then probably come around again someday......you will feel better! Try to get involved in something with the community. My husband joined the volunteer fire dept., and while the gossip and backstabbing is horrible there, it still gives him something to do and be a part of. We have started going out on the weekends to places where kids do not hang out, and have met some great people to see again and again when we go out and are developing friendships with them. Everyone is looking for friends, and you have something about you that someone will want more of! Just keep going...........

  and one more thing.....could you be depressed? I can relate to your words when I am feeling depressed. Perhaps a trip to your family doc can help you out a little to get through this. (this is just my opinion based on personal experience)

  (((((((((((((((((((A GREAT BIG HUG))))))))))))))))))))))

  Redneckgurl
• 

  Sentinel

  ((((Flower)))) You are having depression. Many of the things you "feel" are not even necessarily due to anyone else. It's the way you are perceiving your world right now.

  The limbo of being on the "outside" of the borg, and yet so unprepared for "the world", you are feeling like you don't belong anywhere. You are faced with a good challenge and an excellent opportunity to get to know yourself better.

  Do simple things and don't plan too far ahead. Take life one day at a time. Look inside yourself and learn to love yourself. By loving yourself, you will learn to trust others more. Sometimes folks tend to avoid those who seem to be in an aura they are unfamiliar with. They don't mean to ignore you and make you feel unacceptable, they just don't understand you. You are unknowing projecting these somewhat negative feelings yourself, and they just shy away from that. This happened to me, and it made me so sad. That only made the situation worse.

  You have the power to change your life, but it won't happen overnight. Try to find at least a couple good people you can relate to, and try to do things to "make them happy". Doing things for others really does take the weight off. It will help you to get "outside of yourself" and it will help them. Gradually, your pain will lesson, and you will see life in a whole new prospective.

  Joy is on the way...promise!
• 

  flower

  You guys are very kind... I know my post must have came across sounding like I am majorly depessed but really I'm not..I miss my family heaps and sometimes I feel like I havent got a history or a past anymore, but I haven't got the same grim outlook as I did a year ago..regardless of my comments. I dont believe in God..plain and simple. I was just frustrated and upset.

  I just had a rough week at work and needed to sit down and vent about it. Ya ever had those times?

  I tried talking to my 4 year old about it but he then proceeded to go off on a tangent about how he was gonna get my boss with his light sabre when he grows up and becomes a jedi knight .

  Anyway, I am not hopeless or depressed. I was just upset after I spoke with my sister yesterday. I dont know what I was thinking anyway when I called her. I guess I forgot momentarily that this is for real and permanent. A little bit of denial I guess. She didnt know I was upset fortunately, I sounded chipper and was just talking about chit chatty stuff. She was polite and talked a little bit and then cut me off. Can you say beeeeaaaaacchhh? lol just kidding.

  I've been meeting people over the past year but I guess I am kinda disenchanted by the fact that everyone seems so petty and judgmental. Making fun of other people seems to be the only joy that some people have. That and getting wasted at a bar every weekend. Either that or I just meet wierd people like the guy I met at the park that I take my son to play. He went on and on for a half hour complaining about the mentally challenged kid who sits on the swing for hours every day with his walkman on and sings at the top of his lungs. He's not hurting anyone and the other kids just ignore him. Some people are just so small minded.

  Anyway, I assure you I was upset last night but I am fine and dandy and not depressed overall.

  I am doing a writing class which I enjoy despite the people being snobby overall. Even if I dont make friends its helping my writing a lot.

  I'm cool really...but its good to know you great people are here when I need to vent. Its not exactly the same as sitting over a cup of coffee and chatting but what the hey..

  :)
• 

  simplesally

  Flower, I know what you mean. I have thought about my funeral the same way. Although my dad loves me, he hates my mom, so he would not come. Teryn is too little for him to think he'd have to be there for her.
  
  It has been so hard for me as well. At work, the same situation is played out: doesn't it feel like high school? I mean, when will these people grow up and come to work to do their job instead of gossipping and telling tall tales???? Because I only come to work to work, people think you are snobby or stuck-up.
  
  What I have done is try to make friends with my neighbors. Even that was hard because for so long, I didn't do things with the neighbors, but slowly, after inviting the neighbor-girl over for movies, she became a friend. Then another neighbor got a lovely wife and we became friends. Then I moved into a new neighborhood! Starting over again.
  
  Well, I go for walks with my daughter. Play in the front yard with her and see the other neighbors. Wave at people when they drive by. Go to people's house when invited even when I'd rather stay home. It takes effort but slowly I am making friends.
• 

  shotgun

  Hi Flower **shotgun here pushing and shoving JWD members out of the way so that I too can give you HUG(((((((((((((flower))))))))))))) **

  Wow for a lonly girl it sure was difficult chasing away all these people who care about you so I could give you a big squeeze too.

  I'll PM you my e-mail address as well.

  You know what makes me feel great flower....playing with my child...although this means that sometimes I am a bear locked in cage or Tigger bouncing around the house. She likes to paint my nails with imaginary paint....imaginary paint is easier to remove.

  Next time your 4 yr old goes for his lightsabre grab yours too, show him how Yoda trained you to fight and have fun.