Flower, How you feel WILL CHANGE-I PROMISE you that! Not that THINGS will absolutely get better, but as we mature and grow through our journey, our perceptions and abilities to sort things out and deal with them DOES CHANGE. Then, as we begin to SEE our difficulties DIFFERENT, we begin to FEEL differently about them. Does this make sense? At any rate, I wish we were closer, as I am an avid believer that a physical embrace (would you believe that now SCIENTIFIC studies are correlating feelings of well-being for one depressed when held in an embrace for a MINIMUM of only SIX SECONDS!?) begins the ease, physiologically, of our stress. Thinking of you today.................
my heart hurts.
by flower 54 Replies latest jw experiences
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AGuest
May you have peace.
What I am about to say to you will most probably cause you a bit of pain (I do not wish it to, but know this to be true) and be maligned by those who read it. But please know that it is truly coming from a place of love... and truth.
When I read your post I was truly saddened for you. Not because of your inability to fit in and/or be accepted - I do know how that can hurt, and I am TRULY sorry that you are experiencing such a thing! No, I was much more saddened by your view of all of the people you mentioned. Based on what you posted, it seems to ME... that you do not consider any of THEM... worthy of you. Yikes, girl! Are you yourself all THAT "together"? I am not so sure that those whom you criticized would see you any different they you see them - in fact, they would most probably have some of the same criticisms of your personality and interests as well.
One of the foremost and most wonderful things I have been taught by my Lord is that I am to do to others as I would have them do to me. What does that mean, exactly? It means:
1. NOT judging them, particularly if I don't know them...
2. GET to know them, for they most probably have the same fears and hang-ups that I do...
3. Rather than criticize them for their... ummmm... "puny" interests... share mine with them. Or at least try to understand why they are interested in what they are. People are usually products of their environment. For your co-workers, WORK is probably the lion's share of their exposure to the world. Thus, they perpetuate each other's interests... because they don't necessarily know how to develop any separate ones of their own.
The bottom line is that if you think you're so "hip"... why not SHARE your "hipness" with others? My Lord has taught me that people act around you the way you TEACH them to act. I do not subscribe to a lot of the interests of the people I work with; however, they have the right to have them, puny though such may be, if they choose to. That should not diminish them in my eyes. For me to think so little of them... rather than feel compassion for them BECAUSE of their limitations... only diminishes ME. Am I not to be "bigger" than that, simply by means of accepting them just as they are?
I have lunch with folks, not because we have anything in common, but primarily because we DON'T. But I cannot have true love or compassion for them, if I don't even bother to try and understand them. Our differences, then, is the basis for our commonality: while I have no desire to go, what, parasailing, I can at least have the conversation ABOUT parasailing... or whatever... so that I can understand it.
What you are doing, dear one... and again, I say this in LOVE... is letting the old WTBTS "baggage" control you. It does not need to. That "baggage" taught you that you had to scrutinize people, determine their purpose... or lack thereof... their value... or lack thereof... see if you had anything in common with them (then, it was "the trooth"), and if not, they serve absolutely no purpose in your life. Dear one, you have been MISLED... and as a result YOU... are the one in pain. Those you malign are continuing on... and have NO IDEA where your "head" is with respect to them. They... are not in pain; you are.
EVERY person has some purpose in this world... and some value. Maybe not to you, but to someone. And we do not have the right to deem them "beneath" us because they do not share OUR purpose, OUR interests... or OUR value. We, in fact, have a debt to one another... we OWE one another... love. And love... does no look out for its own interests.
I saddens me sometimes, when folks here... in the throes of bitterness... belittle others. True, we MUST grieve... all of us... for the loss we sustained as a result of time in the Borg. Loss of time, loss of life, loss of friends and family. Many of us also have anger and frustration to deal with. This is completely understandable and acceptable. However, I cannot see where it is acceptable to do the VERY SAME THING to those who've had NO part in misleading us... when we can't find a common ground! It is HYPOCRISY!
While many of us truly do not care, many others of us want nothing more than for those of the Borg (particularly family) to simply let us "be" and LOVE us as we now are: no longer in agreement with them, no longer identifying with them, no longer sharing their interests and purpose. But we wish them NO illwill and only want them to ACCEPT us and LOVE us... as we are. If, then, that is what WE want... are we not totally obligated to do the same... to all others? Wouldn't anything less be... HYPOCRISY? Indeed, it would!
I would exhort you, then, dearest Flower... rather than decry those with whom you have no commonality, rather than belittle them for their lack of "substance" (as you see it), rather than ridicule them for their shallow views and petty interests (as you see them), make the effort to get to KNOW them. Perhaps you WILL find something of "value" in such ones... something that is there, but is not necessarily evident at first. Or, alternatively, perhaps THEY... will find something of value... in YOU... and make an effort to get to know YOU... and thereafter FORM some sort of commonality.
Again, I ask that even if what I have stated here ires you at first, that you see past the words that may hurt (truly, it was NOT my intention to hurt you at all!)... to the words that are true.
Dear ones... it is YOUR life. It is up to YOU, then, as to whether you will live it with JOY... or remorse. Be advised, however, that remorse is much easier... and will make you an even larger target for the Adversary... who will bring upon you even more remorse. Which is of NO benefit to anyone at all!
If you are so "together" that you can criticize others, then isn't it upon you to help such ones "improve"? But the truth is that NONE of us are better, isn't it, and that we ALL have our little "weirdnesses" and differences... and so what?
Bottom line: if you want to be liked... you must learn to like. If you want to be accepted... you must learn to accept. If you want to be seen... you must learn to see. If you want to be heard... you must learn to hear. If you want to be valued... you must learn to value. And if you want to be loved... you must learn... to love. FIRST. It is upon... YOU. All things that you want men to do to YOU... YOU... must do... to THEM.
May the undeserved kindness and mercy of my God and Father, the Most Holy One of Israel, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, whose name is JAH... of Armies... and the love and peace of His Son and Christ, my Lord, JAHESHUA MISCHAJAH... be upon you... if you so wish it.
A slave of Christ,
SJ
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bryanleemc
Flower,
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bryanleemc
Flower,
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bryanleemc
Flower,
Though I am new here, I am an old soul. What you have said you are experiencing is the exact reason I went back in 1990 after being out for about five years. Two years later I finally broke out for good. Just remember that everything in life is relative. What you are used to is what is normal. A very important thing is to put your past behind you, and realize that everyone has their own life to live. My father and evil stepmother have not spoken to me in about seven years. I feel sorry for my father. He is missing so much not being in my life, but it is his life. I "choose" to make my life great! Take joy in the fact that you have gotten out! Just imagine what you can do now! You can go back to college without the "people" looking over your shoulder, wondering if you?re slipping now that you are actually thinking for yourself.
What really helped me get out and meet people was this:
I joined a community theatre! These are a great bunch of people who create on an unlimited base. They throw cast parties for every show. They need help of all kinds; people to work on the sets, painting, cleaning, wardrobe, serving refreshment at the shows. These are an amazing bunch of people!
I also went to mixers for the Houston Grand Opera, Museums, and Symphany.
I know your loneliness, the meltdowns, the wanting to return to what is "normal".
The most important thing I feel is don?t keep yourself isolated. You MUST get out and meet people!
"I have wanted for ten years to change" does this means you?ve been out for 10 years?
Obviously, there many people here at this board who wish to offer you support.
I hope this helps,
Bryan