Marilyn
Just know how sorry I am that someone as good and decent as yourself as been attacked. Perhaps those of us attacked should start our own little recovery group. I said it before and I'll say it again: words hurt, sometimes more than other more obvious forms of abuse.
When it was my turn on the roasting spit, I visited down there frequently and I was truly hurt to see how much delight some people took in attacking. I have no doubt that if they knew how much it hurt, it would only encourage them more. But that is the nature of offenders. They are self-centered, narcissistic, cruel and oblivious to others' feelings. As a result, I cannot visit down there anymore. It just hurts too much. It reminds me too much of my family, and so I accept the fact that no matter what I say, or do, it will be jeered, ridiculed and spoken of in the most mean-spirited way.
I've tried over and over to reason with people like this, stubbornly determined there must be something decent, something buried deep that would acknowledge the pain their words have caused on others. Not once have I been successful. Mostly I have been met with hostility, sometimes ridicule, but never have I struck genuine humanity and a realization that their words have hurt another.
I don't understand this, but I accept it as a reality. Whatever my faults, and God knows I have many, I could never do this to another person. I know what it feels like, and I'm sorry you are now included in this club, but knowing what it feels like, I could never in good conscience say or do something to cause another to feel like that.
I cannot control what others do, I can only control myself. So I choose to embrace the good, the light of this life. I will live my life the way I see fit. And at the end of this life, I will know that I did my best, flawed though it was.
You're a good and decent person Marilyn, and I'm proud to know you.
Be well,
Chris
"It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat." -- Theodore Roosevelt