I went to see my mom after 4 years, now I am sadder

by orangefatcat 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • orangefatcat
    orangefatcat

    Last evening I recieved an e-mail from my aunt who is not a JW, and she told me that my mom was taken to the hospital with a serious bowel obstruction. My aunt knowing our family sitution felt it would be a good time to see what your mom would do. So I called my sister who lives not to far from me. We had not spoke to one another for the same number of year. She felt that I might be a good idea, as she is ill and you are her daughter and maybe she will recieve you. Well I told my sister I would go over to the Hospital today. Well Marco and I went over to the hospital, she was on the 5th floor as I got off the elevator and made my turn towards her room, she was coming down the hallway. (Marco was parking thecar by the way). There she was staring at me for the first time since I had left the organization. Four years. As she drew closer to me she turned away, but I kept making my approach. I reached to touch her hand again she withdrew. Then she turned an asked me how I knew she was in the hospital, and I told her aunt mary did. I also called my sister and she told to me that you were quite ill. So that is way I am here to see you. And to let you know that I care that you have been sick.

    Mom said you9Terry) know the rules, you are the one who left us and so that is the way it has to be. In her sickness she still was nasty as she is when she is fine. Oh I told her, mom I never ever left you or the family it was the organiztion I left. Well she said don't talk about the organization. I said I I know that and I wasn't going to discuss the orangization . I just came to see you as I heard you were quite sick. Even though she can be harsh and nasty she kept quite for a few minutes. I said would you like a picture of Marco and I on our vaction this past year. So she took them. And then Marco showed up and he seen I was crying. My mother said hello to Him and asked what was wrong and I said nothing dear. I was just giving mom a few pictures ffrom our vaction. My mom said are you taking good care of Terry?, and he said yes and I love her with all my heart. I think my mother was set a back. She asked how Marco was feeling. etc.

    My mother was starting to get yanzie so she and Marco chatted a min or so, and then he said it was time for us to go because it was storming. How can my mother be so callous, hard hearted I will never uderstand. But then she put her hand on me and whissper that she loves me. With that I wanted to go, sure she said she loved me but she shed not a single tear. She was almost like a stone. I am so upset from all of this and I am disappointed because of her attitude. What brainwashing they go through. But even if I tried t o tell her that she would never believe me. She is forever a staunch hard nosed JW.

    I am really sad now and haven't stopped crying . What a great was to start my Christmas holidays.

    Well I will try to deal with it and get on with living as I am sure they will never ever change. I also told my mom that please don't be annoyed with Aunt Mary she just felt she was helping and because she really doesn't know the stupid rules of JW, its no reason to become mad at her. She my aunt hates seeing this terrible rift. And she hates Jehovah's witness, because they lie.. She says does'nt your family know what showing mercy is all about.? I told her its the rules and they rather go by these rules than the natural laws that God endowed upon us as His creation.

    I know now that I have lost my family forever. How sad, how cruel and shameful. God please grant me the strength to get me through this day and not to go insane.

    All my love

    Orangefatcat.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    OFC I'm sorry you are feeling so abandoned. From what you posted it sounds like for one tiny moment your mother was able to break out of the WT mindset and share that she does love you. She might not have had the feelings to go with it but it seems to me that for that one fleeting moment your real mother was there.

    Somewhere deep under all the rules and controls there is a real person. But I bet she is terrified of letting that real person out.

    (((OFC)))

  • morty
    morty

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((OFC)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    I was brought to tears after reading your post....

    This cult can be so blinding to most( jws)....Just remember, you are the better person, by going to see your mom....

    I sense that she wanted to break free for 2.3 secs, but hen backed away again...I Cant even comprened of not having my mom or dad in my life....

    Your husband sounds so compassionate for you, and you sound sooo thankful to have him....

    I do hope that one day your mom will see the light, that she is causing you so much pain....My fear is though, she sounds like she is from the old books, do it just like the book....

    Your in my thoughts today OFC......Do have a wonderful Christmas, you have your hubby that loves you very much...take -care

    Morty

  • Poztate
    Poztate

    I know now that I have lost my family forever. How sad, how cruel and shameful.

    I feel sad for you in your time of pain.The WT has much to answer for as they tear peoples lives apart with their hateful,shameful,cruel, pathetic policys. It will only end when the WT is finally buried for good.May that day come soon.

    POZ

  • Gretchen956
    Gretchen956

    (((((((((OFC)))))))))) I am so saddened to see the effects of this rejection on you. Somehow we get away and get on with our lives and start to think well maybe it won't be so bad, maybe they won't reject me. My family is much the same as yours. Its almost a split personality in some ways. My youngest brother is the one my parents will talk to, because although he is out too they still feel there is some hope that they can guilt him or twist him back in. So he is the conduit to myself and my oldest brother about family matters. So when Cory talked to mom about 6 months ago she told him not to have anything to do with me because I'm demonized. Then the last time he talked to her she told him to tell me she loved me.

    I think that deep down they do love us, but it scares the bejeezus out of them to love someone that they think is an apostate, that they think is of the world so must therefore be demonized. And if they love someone like us, what kind of sin is that?? These people live in such abject fear, they almost can't go to the bathroom without permission. She probably had to pray for a long time to get over saying hello.

    If that isn't something to be pitied, I certainly don't know what is. I think the most you can do is what you just did. Tell her you love her. Show her (if you can) that you are happier and more fulfilled outside. That, in my humble opinion, more than anything else, is what can help her to see that perhaps there is another way. And THAT is why the org fills them with such fear about even speaking to us. Because they know if all these people could see how much better their lives could be outside there would be no one left.

    So my thoughts are with you and I and most of us here can relate. You are blessed to have your husband to support you through this and this support group to talk to. Take care.

    Gretchen

  • little witch
    little witch

    ((((OFC)))

    I see this as positive. You broke through to her!!! (albeit she tried to hide her emotions)

    You did a good thing, and she knows it...Yes the echo of dubism was there, but she broke with it in some sense.

    I hope you will continue to show disregard for the "authority" of the gb, and be there for mom....I get the feeling she will come around...You cant go wrong by being loving....even if it means taking a bruise in the attempt...

    Ya did good cat...

  • Special K
    Special K

    Hi Orangefatcat,

    Interesting meeting you had with your mom.

    It seems so cut and dry with the J.W. ways of treating ones who have left. It's ironic that some parents are not as strict with this no contact rule as others.

    I am in a similar position as yourself and was cast off by my mother too. She too was sick in the hospital during this past year. I wasn't as brave as yourself and went to visit her. I did , however, call the hospital and told them that I was her daughter and asked about her present condition. I told them to tell her that I called to inquire how she was doing and that she could feel free to call me at anytime... and I left it at that. She did not call back.. but that is her choice. I do ask other family members how she is doing, from time to time, and I'm sure that might get back to her sometimes.

    It is a weird non relationship and I have come to accept that I do not hate my mom,.. I hate the religion that has covered her eyes with such a film of crap.

    If she dies and never leaves the J.W.'s at least she will die thinking that she was doing the right thing. She will die with happy thoughts of resurrection and the earthly paradise. I suppose it isn't much different than most people believing they will go to heaven and have everything.

    Still hurts, I know,.. but sometimes all we can do is accept what is. I know that my mom hurts too over this disfellowship treatment rules.. It is unnatural for a mother to have to abandon her child at any time. I believe that my mother sincerely loves me but has roped tied around her because of the J.W. teachings. So again I blame the J.W. religion for this .. and not her. I feel sorry for her.. it sort of like she has been captured by them and is in their prison but because of the brain washing she thinks exactly the opposite of this.

    sincerely

    Special K

    P.S. .. It was nice that she told you that she loves you, and in my opinion, I sincerely believe that she does ..

    P.S.S. .. Maybe you are alot braver than I.. I have never gone to see my mom in 10-11 years...It might be my fears of rejection and abandonment at work. You are brave...

  • Gadget
    Gadget

    (((OFC)))

  • little witch
    little witch

    (((special K))))

    My mother died when I was two years old....I cannot fathom being timid to prove my love.

    I would be at that hospital kicking doors down. I would be hugging her shouting "I love you so much"!!!

    Alas I do not have that opportunity..... Fight for your family people! Do not be timid when dealing with the watchtower dogma!

    A mothers love will prevail. It is natural and strong. The "society" cannot compete with love, attention, and presence.

  • morty
    morty

    I know I already replyed to this but just had another thought....

    Kindness kills......Keep it up OFC.....You are a better person in the end, and you can walk with your head held high....

    Still thinking about your pain today....(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((OFC))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Love Morty

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