(((OFC))) I can truly identify with your recent emotional concerns and heartache. My mom is excellent at the shunning. She is stronger than I could ever be. I could never cut my child off and not call them, write to them, or show any concern at all. Yet, this is how my mother treated me for most of my adult life.
Now she is seriously ill and is scheduled for open heart surgery 12/18. It has already been postponed once, and this is difficult for three of her living children, whom she has emotionally abused for so long. The thing is, she doesn't see it this way at all. She says it is our fault and she is only doing what her god demands. We've tried to show her love and compassion, but she rejects us. She is 79, and we are all mature married women. She only turns to our brother and so now he is stuck having to take care of being with her and taking the responsibility. He does understand our position.
I personally refuse to feel guilty about this. I am tired of the crumbs. The crumbs being that, when she is sick, she calls each of us intermitantly, letting us know about her ills, etc. She makes certain that we know she is only calling because she is ill. (this is allowed by her conscience) She tells me that she loves me and that she is so sorry she failed me. I know she means that she failed "keeping me in the faith". She has taken it all so personally.
She has never been interested in my life, or what I'm about. She won't discuss normal mother daughter things with me and she isn't interested in "me". It's all so business like. It cuts like a knife. I keep telling myself that she really does love me, but most of the time I don't believe she understands what love really means.
Then again, the god of the JW's treats his people the same way. So, they are only following his example. If you had it to do all over again, would you put yourself through all that pain? Would you have gone to see her anyway? Just wondering. I've made the decision not to travel 1,000 miles to sit beside her, whatever happens.
My heart really goes out to you, because I truly undestand your situation. I wish you the best. Continue to keep your love and compassion alive within yourself, despite the loss of it from your mother.
