for those who "grew up in the borg"

zev

at this late, middle stage of my life, i've started wondering, now that i know what i know, about the things in my life that i "lived" with. having been raised all my life in the "borg" i have known nothing else. when questions began forming years ago, it started me thinking. slowly. must not tax the creative juices. but, what had accured to me was that because of the stigma thats attached to j-dubs, and going thru public schools, being tortured for "believing" [at least, at that time] the way we did, the things we couldn't do, the ridicule, the name calling, abuse and many other things, i can't even bear to think of now, how much its affected me even now, to not even want to admit to my co-workers who or what i was, even for many years, for fear of the abuse i would take, as had happened to me in my younger days.

how much has being and growing up a j-dub affected you? even now, especially if your still "in", how much does what you went through in your early fromative years, affect you, even now, decaeds after the fact?

__
zev
Now feeling the pain of sitting on the pickets class.

Francois

A lot, I'll vouch.

At work, I introduce the topic by saying, "I was raised a JW, but I got out as soon as I developed my own ability to think independantly. Now they call me an apostate. Family hasn't spoken to me in over twenty years."

Sort of like saying, "I couldn't help it. They made me. But I quit as soon as I could. Family hasn't spoken to me in over twenty years"

You get an entirely better grade of response when you go pro-active, and kinda play on their sympathy like that, y'know? Then you can get on with some fun JW trashing. And folks like it. Just like people will buy anything if they think it's stolen, they love to get all the "inside" juice from "apostates."

Works every time.

Francois, of the "Poor Me" Class

Farkel

I also grew up as a dub, and experienced all the same crap that most kid dubs have to endure. It was hell. Especially torturous were those years where the kids had to say the pledge of allegience every day of the week, and I had to stand there like a stiff, wooden dummy. I was certain the entire world was staring at me and making fun of me an my religion.

Unlike Francoise, though, when I left I barely mentioned I was a JW to anyone, even close friends for about twenty years. I was ashamed I was ever any part of it, and knew people would think I was an idiot for being a part of it. Then gradually I began to share my experiences.

Now, I flat-out say, "I had no choice and was raised in the Jehovah's Witness cult, but I got out of it almost thirty years ago." I could have never said that in the first decade or so after I left.

Farkel

slipnslidemaster

I do the same thing, Francoise. I IMMEDIATELY tell them that "yes, that was me knocking on your door on Saturday mornings". And then right into the JW bashing!!!

I wouldn't tell anyone that I was raised a Jdub for a long time at work for that exact reason. I was afraid of being made fun of.

I think that being raised a Jdub has stunted me emotionally, I'm basically an emotional retard. I'm always afraid that someone will leave me so I don't form long term attachments to anyone. I have a very hard time making friends.

Slipnslidemaster: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

shalom

Hi Zev,

I think that growing up as a JW has really affected my confidence. I find that I am very conscious of what others think of me and I don't like to be the centre of attention. Probably due to always being the centre of attention (in a negative way) at school when not allowed to go to school camps, sing or stand for the national anthem, accept Christmas cards etc and having to constantly defend my religion when as a child I didn't even really understand it myself.

The great thing now is that when my in laws family start discussing religion I just let them know that I used to be a Jehovahs Witness and that has put me off organised religion for life! Hence the reasons I will not have my son christened or get married in a church etc. As soon as I say that they seem to understand and the subject is dropped!

shalom

(((((Slipnslide master))))) HUGS

From your fellow emotional retard
shalom

SlayerLayer

Being raised in the borg, I (and my wife!) can attest has had major psycological effects on me.

What's really cool, is that until I found this board, I had no one to who understood what I had grown up in. I'm glad we are all "emotional retards" together.

"Forget the tribe, my pants have spoken."

Mulan

I grew up in the borg too, from age 5. I don't feel it stunted me personality wise, and I think I can speak for my buddy, Venice too.......she has personality coming out her pores, and neither of us have any trouble meeting people. But, we are both outgoing people. That is just in you, and I don't think the borg makes you insecure or withdrawn. Some things about growing up a JW are positives, like I know how to put together a talk, and have no fear of public speaking. I always enjoyed that part of it, but I hated going door to door, and 'bothering people', that I knew would much rather we weren't there. And yet, I pioneered for years. What I do feel affected me, was that my life held no options other than marriage, children, or pioneering. Or all three. I always wanted those things, but I never had a choice, to do anything else either. My father was a marginal-dub, and a doctor, so wanted both my brother and myself to go to college, but we were good little dubs, and didn't. The harm the borg does to kids, is to try to mold them all into the same kind of person. I was okay with it, because my personality was the way it was, but for a really shy, withdrawn kid, they really suffer as a dub. I had two children that were like that, and it wasn't a good thing for them. All four kids are ex dubs now. Yaaayyy!!!!

hybridous

Wow, this one hits really close to home.

What didn't help me was the fact that my family split up - right in the middle of my JW childhood. What slipnslide said about being an 'emotional retard'...so true for me. My parents went thru the messiest of divorces. My dad DAd himself, but still saw us kids somewhat regulary. Not the best image to have. I was the kid of a single JW mom and a DAd father, boy, were the cards stacked against me in the JW world. I guess that's what helped me quit. I didn't want to play a game I couldn't win.

The elders' sons got away with a lot of stuff, while all eyes were on me. That used to burn me somethin' fierce. I can still recall many happy times, though. Not all of it was bad. I was always encouraged to use my mind, which in the long run, let to my leaving the cult.

I guess the hard part for me was stomaching the fact that I could never have 'real' friends outside of the JW cult. The few friends I made in the 'world' have proven more loyal over the years than the ones at the hall. I also wanted a girlfriend I could fool around with without having to answer to a JC.

Being raised a JW, along with having my parents split up, has rendered me an emotional train wreck. I ride the roller coaster most of the time...up a few weeks...down a few weeks. I'm having down time now. I hope I will rebound soon. I usually do.

I don't blame my parents for my upbringing. They were born under the cult's influence, also. I don't know why the chain of events occured which led to me getting free. Why have I succeeded where my parents failed? Why did I have the logic and fortitide to made the break while my parents did not? Am I not a product of them both?

Believe me, not a day of my life goes by without me asking these questions.

Thirdson

Hi Zev,

I haven't been out anywhere near as long as our friend Farkel but, although it's hard, I do admit to my former Dubhood. I don't like to volunteer just how involved I was but I have confessed to my friends and several co-workers. At dinner with 7 others in late 1999 the subject of millenium came up and someone remarked on JW's and their prophecies. My fiancée gave me a knowing look and I confessed to all present that I was raised as a JW and that I could provide "inside" information. My law-student friend apologized for any offense but I replied that I wasn't offended in the least and quite welcome the chance to discuss JW beliefs and practices without being a threat to anyone. We had an interesting conversation about the Millerite movement and the various groups that sprang from that era.

Since my friends and my wife's friends know of my background many chances have arisen to provide some information that might be helpful. Since some of our friends are school teachers I have provided some information about holidays and how to get around some difficulties without upsetting JW parents. I doubt very much if any of our friends or relatives would ever want to join JW's.

As for the long term effects of being raised a JW I guess there are some lurking in the background. Some things are good. I hate racism and bigotry. I choose to extend those values to disliking discrimination of gender and sexual orientation. I don't like really foul language and choose not to use certain words. I find that the working environment of the Mid-West is nothing like the English factory environments I worked in as a young production engineer. I don't smoke and I wouldn't let anyone smoke in my house or car but I don't care if people smoke elsewhere, and I won't shun them after knowing them for 6 months. I teach my son my values including not to smoke or use drugs. I think those are good things. However, I think marijuana should be lagalized and controled like tobacco.

I don't think the values I live by, or my views cause much ridicule and I am not embarrassed to express them. It is nowhere near as bad as being a JW and having to explain Christmas, birthdays, Valentine's day, not wearing a poppy, not voting, not accepting a blood transfusion to save my life, why I knock doors etc etc etc. Being fairly normal is a lot easier and nicer.

Thirdson

'To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing'

for those who "grew up in the borg"

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