for those who "grew up in the borg"

by zev 51 Replies latest jw friends

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  GermanXJW

  This is really an interesting thread. I was raised a 4th-generation-JW and I see so many descriptions fit me. Truly, there were some good things like learning to give a public talk or sitting quietly for some time and concentrate on a boring topic.

  But I think that severe damage has been done. I have to admit that I am not always sure if it was my parents, the JW or the mixture of both.

  I's already been said: what others think of me is always on my mind. I too have to prove my point right even when it's marginally.

  There is a lack of self confidence; the task to do things good but to stay humbly in the background: "Was not a big deal." That would do well in the congregation but gives you problems at work when others benefit from your achievements.

  Having always been an outsider I have problems to behave in a social environment. I feel that I still behave strange.

  I have problems to make decisions because I am not used to. When there were questions we used to look it up in the WT Index. That also touches moral values. I think I can't really say what's wrong or right on my own.

  Someone on a German board called it "social inbreeding". You don't get new views and cannot get futher.

  I am glad that I live in the Internet era and that I found out early in my life. Now, I am working hard and hope to overcome some things. But I'm afraid that the impact of a JW childhood will always be there.
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  bigfloppydog

  I sort of grew up a JW, parents where divorced when I was in grade l or possibly earlier. Then my sister and I lived with grandparents. My brother stayed with dad. Apparently as I was told, he didn't want girls, just a son. My grandparents where very loving people. They never really forced much upon us, it's just that when we started school, the usual no celebrations, no athem. If we wanted to go to hall, or out in service that was ok. The real change came when my mom re-married, we where I believe ll and 12 yrs old. Our whole live did a real turn around. Step-dad never had children before, now he was saddled with 2 almost teenage girls. There was a few problems. To make a long story short, I moved out at age 18 to the city where I was afraid, insecure and knew no-one. I got into some trouble, ended back at home, and I believe soon after married, had first child at 23, would have been sooner, but I could not get pregnant, and so goes the story. When my first child was 1, I got baptized. Oh and my mother was a very domineering person, and came a time she adopted a son, because she was unable to carry another child, this also happened when we moved out of grandparents home. Mostly because my step-dad wanted some of his own children. So along came the little boy. So goes the story and so on and so on. I think I could write a book on all the things that happened. Hind-sight if I had the choice things in my life would have been very different. I guess as children, many of us do not have choices, it just happens. Today, I am a very emotional person. I believe, as a big part of it was my upbringing. I have lost alot of who I really am, and wonder what I would be like if things where different.
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  one

  Raised jw= a living HELL

  Damges outweight the benefits, you can only 'survive' within the wt complex subculture, until you break the chain, the umbilical cord.

  In a few seminars (MUCH LESS TIME) you could learn the same (public speaking, ethics etc) or even more, plus the benefit of the"bad association".

  Reading two non jw books (not CoC) and a few years in college has proven, to me, much more benefitial than so many years attending boring jw mettings. I got a much beter 'vision'.

  WT make you think that only JW are educated and focused, everyone else is wandering, lost.

  For me CoC was the last thing a needed to completely bury the whole thing.
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  spender

  Just thinking that everyone's experiences on this board just goes to prove that the problems with the borg are NOT because of small numbers of individuals "stumbling" others...you can't deny that these problems are coming from the organization itself if everyone is having the same experiences with it.
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  Mulan

  GermanJW: I was talking with a friend yesterday, a former elder, who said that years ago he realized that as a JW you don't need a conscience, you just need a good memory.........meaning you have to remember all the rulings and judgments in the WT. How much better it would be to ask "what would Jesus do?" They would say that, and then point you to a WT.

  I understand what you mean exactly. I also was raised a dub, and am only second generation, but it still made a big impact in my personality. After leaving the organization, my REAL personality emerged, and I am very different than I was before........Steve Hassan's books on cults (Combatting Cult Mind Control, and Releasing the Bonds) describe this personality change. He calls it the cult personality, and the real you. I surely did experience this. I was always pretty outgoing, but I am completely free now, and gaining my self confidence day by day.

  An elderly sister I knew my whole life, used to approach me at assemblies and commend me for staying with the "truth" (my brother had left in 1978). I told her how I appreciated her family so much, and how proud she must be (her son was a CO, grandsons at Bethel, one grandson a Gilead grad., her daughter the wife of WT farms' overseer (not anymore), and her reply was "good for nothing slaves.......they only do what they are supposed to do." I used to think that was humble and appropriate. Now it's just sick.

  Marilyn (aka Mulan)
  "No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers
  
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  Flip

  As a kid being taught to be both an unpaid worker for the WTBTS Corporation and consumer of its publications by becoming a Jehovah's Witness, I was always happiest on Saturday's when it was raining...the harder the better.

  I could go on, but every poster on this thread is ‘me'.

  Flip
• 

  GermanXJW

  @Mulan
  Thankyou for your lines. These boards are really a great help. It's a new experience for me that there are people really understanding my situation - and reading things that could be me.
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  Nathan Natas

  As Flip said, "every poster on this thread is ‘me'."

  I think an interesting book would be one where each chapter would be an interview with a different one of us. It might make for a LONG book, but it could solve the problem of "how do I write this?"

  On the issue of fearing abandonment: do any of you feel the flip side of this fear - the ABILITY TO ABANDON, to cut people off fiercely and absolutely? That's something I learned as a Dub kid - first I had to cut off all my relatives (none of them "accepted the truth"), then I had to cut off my father (he didn't "accept the truth" either), then I cut off anyone in school who seemed to want to be friends (they weren't "in the truth"). It became easy, and I'm still very good at it.
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  GermanXJW

  On the issue of fearing abandonment: do any of you feel the flip side of this fear - the ABILITY TO ABANDON, to cut people off fiercely and absolutely?

  I have been able to notice this ability at my parents and unfortunately at myself. We really have zero contact with our non-JW relatives. Now, all of us have become inactive and somehow that has led to that at present nobody really talks to anyone within the family.

  It's really sick.
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  LyinEyes

  Being raised in the borg has always been , for me, like being torn in two directions. I was to hate the world, but I loved it. I wanted to be so much growing up , but my dreams and talents all were thrown away. I very much deep inside , knew that there were so many things I HAD to do, never really wanting to do any of them. Like field service,giving talks, trying to make myself look better in others eyes. It got so exhausting that right before I left the borg , I was physically and emotionally sick! I have since found out at the age of 35 that I am finally free. I have always known who I really was on the inside , but now I can be that person. I dont have to answer to anyone but God. I am being to realize that I really like myself and I dont have that borg self condemnation and guilt anymore. I love the quote , "that which does not kills us ,only makes us stronger". That is so true for me, that organzation almost killed me, my life was so dull and I am finally starting to have a little fun. I feel like a kid again . I guess if I let what I went thru come to mind all the time I would be bitter everyday. But I am choosing to put the past behind me and it works for me. I do have days I want to choak the life out of some of the witnesses or do some little evil things to get revenge , but usually it passes! For now I also live by the quote,"To Thine Ownself Be True". What a new and wonderful feeling this has been , emotionally I am still healing , but I am sure I will survive this.