for those who "grew up in the borg"

by zev 51 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  proplog2

  There is a very subtle problem with being raised as a JW. From my earliest years I was told I would never die or grow old. This is more than enough to make up for NO SANTA NO EASTER BUNNY NO TOOTH FAIRY NO BIRTHDAYS ETC> Had it been true it would have been amazingly wonderful. But at the very core of my experience is a child who was lied to. A child whose parents have died. A child who is profoundly disappointed.

  People who have come into the organization after childhood were raised on a much more realistic promise. At the core of their experience they learned to accept death as inevitable. True, I know intellectually that death awaits all but at my core is still the oldest neuro-chemical pathways in my brain that reminds me that all that I was promised is now a lie. I have learned to be aware of this tendency. I will never overcome that reflexive let-down but I can manage it by knowing it will be there to make me sad - until the day I die.

  Those who have been raised in this organization need to be aware of this tendency. Especially, counselors and mental health practitioners need to know of this unique syndrome of those raised as JW's. I think it predisposes certain individuals to suicide.
• 

  lisaBObeesa

  Well, this one I had to reply to.

  I was raised in the Borg. I never got baptised because of nagging questions that bothered me since I in about 6th grade. I remember speaking of these doupts only one time before I became a rebelious teenager. I spoke to a close friend who told me to 'put them out of your mind! It works for me!' That's when I really started to think....I left the Borg at 18, as soon as I had the chance.

  I am 32 now, so it's been 14 years since I was 'active' and 20 years since I started to 'think freely.'

  To this day:

  1. JOINING I can't 'join' anything. I can't join a support group like AA or Alanon...I can't just can't 'join.' I can't join the PTA, for gosh sakes!! I mean, I can go to a few meetings of these groups, but I can't seem to actually become a 'part-of', even if I really want to. A part of me just wants to RUN as fast and as far as I can get, and I always do.

  2. HOLLIDAYS I never remember people's birthdays, and usually forget my own. (I don't forget the date, I just forget it's next Tuesday....) I feel like I don't know what to do at Christmas, STILL. I have no real traditions.....I mean, I put up a tree, wrap presents, eat dinner, do the Santa thing (kids).......sometimes I even make it to a non-threatening Chruch.....but I still feel detached from the whole thing. I feel like I was robbed of the 'real' Christmas because of how I was brought up.

  3. ARGUEING I can't stop myself. I argue all the time, any little point, mostly for the fun of it. Actually, I am getting better about this these days, but I know it will always be with me. Someone says, "Bush is a crappy president," and I have to argue, even if I do think he is a crappy president! I argue over the weather, how good a movie was, politics,.....I get out books and try to prove my point, no matter how small, just to prove I am right. Sick, very sick.

  4. GOD/CHURCH It took YEARS to find God. It took more years to find religion. I don't think I will ever find a Chruch. (see #1)

  5. RAISING CHILDREN I always think I am doing it wrong. I always second guess myself. I swing from being to soft and then too hard on them, never being able to find the middle (see #6). I have a very difficult time sharing my faith with my Children, despite my love of Christ. I still don't really know how to throw a birthday party for the kids... poor guys. I give them parties, but I feel like I don't know what I am doing!!

  6. FINDING the MIDDLE I have a hard time not being far to the right or far to the left in many situations. Worse still, I KNOW I'm too far to one side and so then I swing wildly to the other side....I don't know if ya know what I mean......

  Anyhow, thanks for the topic and thanks for listening....
  --LisaBoBeesa
• 

  Scorpion

  I am glad that my 3 kids are not being raised in the WT organization like I was. I did not attend one dance all the time I was in School. I only attended two football games for High School. In wanted to join the team and the coaches wanted me to join also. I was one heck of a field goal kicker and running back as well as defensive end. Unfortunatly it was not in my future to do so because of being raised a JW. Farkel made a good point about the flag salute. I always felt the whole class was looking at me while they saluted the flag. I remember in 7th grade the teacher asking me to tell the english class why JWs do not salute the flag. I spouted off the WT dogma of idolatry and also added that the flag was nothing more than a cloth. I look back and see the embarrasing times I encountered as a JW and all the things I gave up as a kid being raised in the borg.

  I have been active since 1989 helping JWs and Mormons think beyond their programming. It has been well worth the time.

  My three kids are very active in school. My oldest daughter is in 9th grade. This year she was in several events at school and attended almost every dance. My youngest daughter made the Principals Honor Role for the whole year. She will be heading for the 8th grade. She is a super achiever and strives to get to the top of just about everything she does. She can drive me nuts because she is like me, always needing things done right now. My son 11 years old is in to sports. This will be his first year in midget football. He is very good at just about everything oriented with sports. He is a little lazy with the reading but great at math.

  I allow my kids the freedom I did not have as a JW. BY freedom I do not mean to turn into some immoral asshole with no values and screwing people over. My kids have JWs in their classes at school as well as Mormons. They tell me that some kids make fun of them because of the very things we all went through that were raised JWs. I hope because of what I went through and the experiences I share with my kids, they will be able to help some of the kids see better what it is like to be a kid raised in the WT borg.

  NO damn fun at all except the donut after service on Saturday.
• 

  jezebel influence

  For lisabobeesa

  Ditto

  Except that I hate to argue and will always... usually give in and apologise!

  Not very Jezebel like am I?
• 

  joelbear

  My life now, as with all of us, is affected by decisions I made earlier in my life. But, the main lasting affects have to do with my mental processes.

  1. Continued disillusionment. I expected everybody to be as dedicated to the organization as I was and follow the thought process that the only way to be wholesouled was to not seek gains for yourself. Of course people are all over the board as to how much they are willing to give up. Some, like my parents, gave up everything. Others gave up nothing but basically lived the way they wanted to and just slapped the label JW on top of it. I still find myself expecting people to adhere to some "we're all in this together" line of thinking. This makes me gullible and frustrated and sometimes deeply depressed. I have come to an understanding that people, like animals, are simply following evolutionary survival strategies that, in the end, serve their own interests. Is cynical better than gullible? For me, for now, it is healthier for me to tend in that direction.

  2. Continued feelings of abandonment. I made no plans for my life. When I was a small kid I used to count up how old I would be in 1975 when Armageddon came. When I was about 16, teachers at school began to tell me that I was gifted. I never thought of myself that way as my parents were firmly on the "have low regard for yourself" strategy side. I was getting all this conflicting input. I was excellent in academics, but my witness friends and their parents treated me as suspect. I was marked for engaging in such heinous school activities as joining the Foreign Language Club and Beta Club and for working on the Year Book staff. Talk of college would bring my mother to tears and my father to violent fits of anger, usually followed by him leaving for the evening to get drunk. I was very confused and developed a deep fear of abandonment. I still have a very hard time making even minor decisions, usually needing 2 or 3 other people to agree with me that it is a good decision before I will do it. I have come to an understanding that life is trial and error and that I don't have to fit everyone else's idea of perfection in order to be successful. The risks I have taken, in the stock market and in my career choices have paid off fairly well. But I am never happy with my accomplishments. I am always questioning my worth.

  hugs

  Joel
• 

  WildHorses

  This is for El Kabong:

  You said "Some have posted that being a witness turned them off to other religions. Since leaving, I've tried others, and, my experience shows that the other religions aren't really any better."

  There is no true religion. Being a Christian is a personal thing between a person and the creator. All religions are man made, and if we follow a religion we are following man.

  Please read 1st John 2:27 It clearly states that we do NOT need that a man teach us. The Holy Spirit is what teaches us.

  Lilacs
• 

  slipnslidemaster

  Some things about growing up a JW are positives, like I know how to put together a talk, and have no fear of public speaking.

  
  Mulan, I totally agree. I also learned how to research stuff too. Of course, it was just inside the WT's publications but I do know how to look stuff up!

  CathyM38, I'm thinking alot!

  Slipnslidemaster: I thought you said your dog doesn't bite? That isn't my dog!
• 

  Mulan

  Lilacs: Great post. I have to say 'ditto, ditto, ditto,'
  Mulan/Marilyn
• 

  CathyM38

  Hello all again,

  I want to thank you all for your postings. I am finding it soooooooo interesting since finding this website only a couple short weeks ago or so, that I have never heard of any other religion, upon coming out of it, that is in need of an "ex's" support group because of how profoundly affected they were by that religion.

  I am learning a lot by reading your postings and looking for things I relate to, such as what was said about being a good mother. I have serious doubts about my abilities in this regard as well, although my daughter seems much happier now that we are out and she can feel like she fits in with her peers again. I am filled with self-doubt, always apologizing, always worried about who the next person is going to be in my life to abandon me. It is very uncomfortable to live each day in worry and fear, and I don't know when that will end for me. I'm really happy that I found this site though, its become a type of therapy to me to read all your experiences and appreciate all your friendship! Thanks,
• 

  peterstride

  Hi all (and Cathy too),

  Us ex-JWs need this support group because we didn't come out of a religion. We came out of a cult. I only realized that after reading a book on cults (and researching it on the internet) and realized that the WTS is a cult in every sense of the word.

  In Cathy's previous posting, she said:
  I have serious doubts about my abilities in this regard as well... I am filled with self-doubt, always apologizing, always worried about who the next person is going to be in my life to abandon me. It is very uncomfortable to live each day in worry and fear, and I don't know when that will end for me. I'm really happy that I found this site though, its become a type of therapy to me to read all your experiences and appreciate all your friendship! Thanks,
  Cathy

  The same goes for me also...therapy!

  Peter Stride
  Toronto, Canada