for those who "grew up in the borg" (page 4)

unanswered

interesting question, zev. i was raised in the cult, walked away at 22, now i'm 27. it was a very hard at first, now it's getting easier. i'm living life without the shackles of guilt and shame, and i feel stronger spiritually then i ever did as a jw. my immediate family is still immersed in the cult, and that causes situations that aren't very fun, but i just keep trying to keep on being a good son and brother, so that the only compaints they can have with me are jw-related. it is amazing what a mind-f#%k growing up a witness can be, though. one thing that helps so much is having a wife who grew up like i did, and left the org. having your mate understand that part of you intimately is really helpful, sometimes.-nate

slipnslidemaster

Gosh, I just came back to this thread and I never read lisaBObeesa's post.

LisaBObeesa, ditto.

I'm right there with you.

Slipnslidemaster: I thought you said your dog doesn't bite? That isn't my dog!

jezebel influence

Cathy m38,
You are reading my mind!-dittoS
Makes me feel better to know others feel the same way and its normal.
I also am always apologising and that maybe because you dont trust your own judgement now,i know i dont sometimes!
Loving you guys
Thanks from jez

Tanalyst

ABUSE

Anyone remember in the 60's with the Evolution book being forced to visit all the teachers at school with it? Christ didn't even start preaching till he was an adult.
Mom didn't trust me when she dropped me off at school,she knew where the teachers lounge was, so she just waited outside in the car till she actully saw her son obey WT. and enter the lounge. I barely got 2 sentences out before the 6th grade teacher & principal says,"None of that stuff here."

Major Trauma

One was continually programmed to doubt oneself,thereby pushing the ORG. as the answer to all problems in life. Growing up in 3rd & 4 th grade I hated TUE. & Thur meeting nites. If I fell asleep I'd get belted at home.It would take Dad a few minutes to park the car after he let us out at home. I'd race to my bedroom, strip clothes and jump in bed and turn out the lite.It still didn't work,he'd come in and belt me for sleeping through spiritual food.What a crazy religion.My big fantasy as a kid was, if I survived Armageddon walk up to King Solomon right after he was resurrected and beat the crap out of him for writing,"yeah you can beat your kid, he won't die" then ask him how it feels.

CathyM38

I can relate Tanalyst, my mother was quite the disciplinarian. I remember one time at the hall lying to her about having gum in my mouth and being dragged to the back of the hall in a humiliating fashion so she could whack me. Such fun. Everything in that life was what you could NOT do. Cant imagine why I grew up with such a complex about myself.

signgirl

The vision of my father, very quick with the rod... I was visiting his congregation with my 2 young children about 7 years ago, they would have been 4 and 2 and my daughter was drawing with a pencil, and making a noise, you know how pencil sounds when it its colouring on paper. Well obviously it was too much for him to handle, before I knew it he slapped my daughter on the arm and wrenched the pencil out of her hand. He had the most evil angry look on his face.. oh how Christ Like... how loving... She turned to look at me holding back the tears, and I just took both her and her little brother into the toilets and bawled my eyes out. His problem like many others is that they want to impress their "friends" by how well behaved their family is, and dont like to be embarrassed or be a bad example.. Sit up straight like bloody maniquins and dont move a muscle. "its a distraction". Sadly my father is still a very unhappy man, finally realising that his days are numbered as he gets closer to his 76th birthday, finally he is actually speaking of maybe dying. Maybe he quietly feels very dissappointed and possibly that he's been lied to for too long, but too proud to admit it.
I'm so over ever going back. I've been out 2 years and finally I feel like life is moving on.
see ya all
signchick

rolling rock

Growing up a dub can relly mess with you.(some of us more then others)For me I think I got more good out of it, then bad...

When I met people, and the subject cums up I tell them that I was rased in a cult, And that all of my famley is still in it. Thay alway ask how I got out?(read Rays book) So I tell people about the JWs, and how I got out...

skiingcowboy

borgfree

This is probably the hardest topic I could respond to. I cannot respond fully. As I have written before, I was born in our house, that was being used as a kingdom hall. We moved from that house when I was two years old, so I can tell when some things happened because of that fact.

Sometime, before I was two years old, my father, in his zeal for the organization, was trying to prepare us for the persecution ahead. I remember seeing our table covered with pictures of the bodies of the Jewish people in Nazi Germany. I do not remember the exact words but the idea was instilled in my siblings and me, that something similar would happen to us before the end of the system.

I think that the upbringing I had in the organization has been responsible for just about everything in my life, really, how could it not?

There were many times when I did wrongs in my life, thinking, "I will not live in the new world anyway, what difference does it make if I do right or wrong" I could never be good enough to please Jehovah.

There were times, even when very young, when I was forced to go from door to door, or to meetings, etc. when things happened that embarrassed me so much I will not even talk about them now. Times when I was sick etc.

I realize that the organization may not have been directly responsible for some of those things, but they were constantly telling their followers that the end was very near and we must put the preaching and other organizational matters above everything else. My parents took those teachings very seriously, so they of course, acted accordingly.

Some of you are not old enough to know how things were back in the 40s etc. the organization was a lot different back then, much stricter, more demanding, more blunt. We were living in a time of persecution because the second world war was going on, and there was very great patriotism in our country. Later there was the threat of communism, being called a commumist by people at the doors, in school, and elsewhere.

There is so much that comes to mind, we would never need the education, the end was too close. How does a child take education seriously, when the child is raised with that attitude?

I could write a very long book, that is of course, if I had the education to actually use proper sentence, paragraph, structure.

Even worse, I was somewhat like that with my own children.

Just a few thoughts that I hope may help someone.

Borgfree

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home." Edward R. Murrow

Angharad

Shalom says:

I think that growing up as a JW has really affected my confidence. I find that I am very conscious of what others think of me and I don't like to be the centre of attention. Probably due to always being the centre of attention (in a negative way) at school .........having to constantly defend my religion when as a child I didn't even really understand it myself.

That sums up exactly how I feel too. I would love to be more outgoing, I'm working on it but it very hard.

JBean

In reading through some of these posts... I find myself getting all choked up. I truly identify. I was born & raised in the organization. I didn't have much problems in school or anything... I was and still am very very outgoing and was pretty popular. My folks let me do just about any activity I desired (except cheerleading!) : ) One or two folks here said something about the "living forever" aspect of the religion. This is something that I still struggle with today. I don't believe half the stuff the org teaches... but it is SO INGRAINED into my being that I may never have to die... I just don't know how to handle this sometimes. I find myself still wishing that God WOULD bring about a new system of things for everyone who was good and righteous. It's a VERY frightening thing to ponder, that yes, we all probably will die some day. -- Jbean (in the process of finding herself!)

for those who "grew up in the borg"

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