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Witnesses coming Saturday... I need HELP!!!!
by Globetrotter 113 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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marriedtodamob
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the mole
sorry for your problem...the jw's really dont know the bible it the mags and books we learn at bookstudy..the bible is now more or less a reference text to be used on the side..from what you wrote she may be having thoughts to re-introduce herself to the org.. it has been very hard to break away from the org especialy when family is involved.. the constant brainwashing that you are no good if you reject the org because then you reject god, which you know is not true but that is the mind set...goodluck...***the mole***
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gypsywildone
My mother got into that cult when I was 13. She drove my dad out of house and home by following Watchtower dictates. The ever changing rules. Making sure he could no longer enjoy holidays. Becoming unable to hold a normal conversation that didn't involve the jws & their god. Alternately treating him as if she pitied him because he was missing something special, & treating him like a second class citizen in the home HE paid for. This cult slowly, but surely, takes over a person's entire life & personality. She learned these tactics at the kingdom hall. That is exactly where the behaviors came from. Her time was so tied up with the jws, & her allegiance was to them, first and foremost. PeacefulPete & Mobbie are right, it is nothing but dysfunction. I could not wait to get free of her & her jw psychosis, & it took my dad a few years of trying before he could not take it anymore & left. I did the same as soon as it was legal.
As a result, not one of her 3 children even have anything to do with her. Her emotional investment was not with the family, it was with WBTS. May they keep her loved, safe, & take care of her when she gets old.
A marriage license is not a life sentence. Sometimes, a person just can't take anymore Watchtower abuse & interference in their life. Sometimes, they just want to be respected as a person, & be happy. I just don't see anything wrong with a person knowing they tried their best, & admitting they can't live like that any longer.
Sometimes, families just want acceptance & real family love, not love that can be turned on and off, depending on pleasing the unpleasable.
It worked for us 4 :) His children are so very fortunate they have him to protect them from the jw cult, & he will see to it that they get what they need, emotionally, & otherwise. He will do this while she runs the watchtower treadmil. They will need him, & he will have what they need.
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Globetrotter
OK, wow!!! Thank you all for your thoughts. I just came in from work and can't comment right this moment, but I'll be back on in a little while and do my best to respond the many comments. In the meantime, keep posting.
Thank you.
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Max Divergent
Just my thoughts.... my Mrs still has her moments of wanting to beleive. But I recognise that it's not the religion she wants, it's belonging, acceptance, a hope (dream) and stuff like that. I need to be able to provide those things from a worldly source.
One of the problems with talking about the problems with the WTS (607/1914/1975, blood, UN NGO, abuse, etc etc etc) is that there's a 'word answer' to everything. By that I mean a set of words which you can't prove to be wrong that, if true, would resolve the problem.
The ultimate, last resort 'word answer' is '...well, we'll have to wait on Jehovah to sort that one out...'. You can't prove that this is wrong, silly, imporssible, won't work or anything else! If true, it would (supposedly) fix any problem at all!!
I'd suggest that you'd be better off to talk about how you want your life at home to be, not their religion.
Think of three things you want at home - not three things you DON'T want, but three things you can get... You and your wife to do a Community college course together, go to Vegas one weekend soon, go camping, hiking, or work cleaning up a river once a month, equal time on religion - 5 minutes of JW talk to you or the kids gives you 5 minutes to say what you want to, ... whatever's achievable in your house.
Why not cancel the elders, get out the barbie, cook up a fatty, tasty brunch with bacon and hash drowns and all that, brew some special coffee from Brazil or someplace and just talk with your wife and kids about how you want to live (not how bad the religion is)?
Maybe pack a suitcase and book a hotel room too, just in case... if things are that bad, then you can only be prepared for the worst case if you expect it to happen and have a plan to live through it.
Take care, Max
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johnny cip
here's a pretty full proof, arguement...with out using the bible. .ask the jw's is it true that jesus did an inspection of all religions from 1914-1918. then choose the wt in 1919 after rutherford got out of jail. this is a current teaching in all the wt study books. once you get them to commit to this. say ok i'll study with you 3 times a week. but i only want to study wt books printed till 1918. because since jesus did a four year inspection and choose the wt on their pure worship. I want to be just as happy as jesus was in 1918.remember only wt books till 1918.,you will study. Now the ball is in thier court and none of them have ever read these old books. but here you have put them in a hole . tell them only to come back when they bring wt books till 1918 .or thier present teaching that jesus choose them at the time is nonsense. and if it's true jesus choose the wt in 1919 or 1918 then get out the old books, or they are just giving you lip service.. if you keep to this point and tell them to keep thier bible's closed till you can feel like jesus did in 1919 then they are waisting their time with a teaqching they can't back up...... good luck john
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Globetrotter
First off, let me thank you all again for your comments and support. This has been and continues to be helpful.
Secondly, let me say that my situation is my own. I can see that some of you have had very similar experiences. Some of you can see my side already, but for those who cannot? here it is.
My wife grew up in the truth, but was slightly bull-headed about people telling her what to do. (You can see why she never baptized.)
When we met, she was not a US citizen (from Latin America - which as you probably know is 99.999% Catholic - go figure) When we decided to get married, she applied for her citizenship, as I was going to graduate from college and had already accepted a job overseas.
She objected to the patriotic stuff on her Citizen app., but the INS said that she would need letters from the elders stating that she was a JW in good standing before the requisite flag/allegiance stuff would be waived. Because she was not baptized, the elders would not supply her with the letter of support. She was more pissed off than upset and said she would have nothing to do with the JWs after that. She filled out her application with no reservations/objections and proceeded to pass her interview. I was very proud of her and loved her more for her strength of conviction.
I love my wife, and I will go into details on what that means later if given the opportunity, but all things remaining the same, if I had it to do over again, I would not marry her. That's an incredibly difficult and probably horrible thing to say, but it is absolutely true. The witness influence is something that creeps up every day. And while it is true that many things I mention regarding my wife's behaviour go against the JW teachings, over the years the JW stuff has worn me down. There are too many things that she believes about life and living in general that are either too negative or too weird.
Things were going along fine more or less for the first few years, with hardly a mention of the JW. I even thought some of the ideas that she had were noble, such as celebrating not Christmas and b-days. Her thoughts were along the lines of "it's hypocritical to treat people like shit all year long and then be so sweet/loving/giving at Christmas/b-days. Why not give and be nice all the time...a special day isn't needed. And Christmas isn't really Christ's birthday" etc. I later learned that this is JW conditioning and their attempt to appeal to reason.
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Globetrotter
I'll just toss in here that I was raised a Catholic, but bailed years ago. 6 years of private schools. My dad taught science at a Catholic school after he retired a LTC from the Army. My mom had an aunt that was a Dominican Nun who died 6 years ago at the age of 95. She was an absolutely joyful person. Oh yeah, dad's b-day is Christmas day, mine's the 20th and my son's the 23rd. Aunt and now deceased grandmother on Christmas Eve. Dec. has always been a very special month.
So, my wife and I would go to Church with my parents when we visited after our son was born. She didn't seem too uncomfortable to me.
I finally stopped them to ask the question "If you had just 30 seconds to tell someone the most important thing in this book (holding up one of many bibles), what would it be?"
The woman and man said, almost at the same time, "The Kingdom".
So then I said (remember I was raised Catholic, not a BAC) "Hmmm. Wouldn't it be that Jesus died for our sins and that if we believe in him we shall never die? (or something to that effect regarding what it takes for salvation) If a person had never heard about the kingdom, it wouldn't matter, if they had accepted Jesus. They would die and guess what?! HEY, Check out this cool kingdom!" That is exactly what I said.
Well, I tell you, for just a moment I saw a flicker in the woman's eyes. She understood what I was saying, but then her eyes glazed back over. It was like she rebooted.
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Globetrotter
OK, last one..
Over the past 7 years (really the 1st 3 of the past 7) I have invested a lot of time, money and effort finding out about the witnesses. I constantly uncover stuff that is just twisted. I know enough that I don't want my children involved anymore. We still celebrate some holidays, but when my parents are gone, Christmas will stop. (My parents have a reasonably good relationship with my wife but really dislike the JW influences my kids have been exposed to. I have smart talented fantastic kids BTW.)
The problem is that once I realized that my wife was choosing the JW over me (even though she wasn't baptized), and that she refused(s) to think for herself, I lost respect for her. That's terrible. I alienated myself from her (and the kids to some degree admittedly) and started looking for things to find wrong. While I recognize my role I did NOT cause the problems our marriage currently has..
It finally got to the point where I told her I was unhappy. I told her I was completely miserable. I spelled the entire thing out to her, and asked her for help. She blamed my "unhappiness" (would be her quotes, not mine) on everything she could think of, but refused to accept any responsibility of her role.
So, over the years I have trying to piece my marriage back together and sometimes it goes fine and sometimes not. That's the bad part, because when it's not "fine" it's horrible, and when it's "fine" that's all it is. My marraige will never be more than just "OK". I long for a truly loving happy perfect marriage like my parents have. While that may never happen, I don't believe it will ever be even close.
FINE - I made my bed and I have to lay in it, but what about the children? How do I approach my kids at their age and teach them to screen out all the bullshit of this religion and take away only the love and kindness of God (if they chose to believe)? This religion is DANGEROUS to children on so many levels.
OK - 'nuff said. My kids are the bottom line here. I still have a lot to say, anecdotals, questions, etc., but I've taken up a lot of space on the board over last hour. Sorry for the longwindedness and thanks for reading.