by Globetrotter 113 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
I've just seen this
Yup, she says she would not allow me a transfusion if I needed one! How can I live with that?!! Those aren't my wishes.
That IS disturbing. She has no right to decide your medical treatment for you. If it came to it, I don't think she could enforce it (esp. if there is something down in writing), could she???
If you were arguing over the blood issue anyway, she could have been hitting out just to annoy you.
I am absolutely dead against having children under the influence and custody of a believing Jehovah's Witness. That is often a fatal mistake. If not literally fatal, socially fatal. I have experienced both. I have experience living with a practicing Witness and I can tell all here and now I would not repeat it. You can be a Witness or you can be my wife, but you can't do both. No negotiating. A believing Witness puts the Publishing Corporation first in their life. Spouse, job, finances, health, welfare of the children, all come after serving the corporation. That's not the life I will accept.
I would give the Witness spouse a chance to quit the affair NOW and if she refused, I would go to the attorney the same day. A Witness spouse in love with the Watch Tower Publishing Corporation is having an affair. No different than with a person. Only with the affair with the book company, they flaunt it in our faces. They want to make us feel guilty because we don't approve of their affair.
I only see three top line elements,
1. Give her a chance to quit the affair and if she refuses,
2. Take bold action to protect the children from her (them*),
3. Go into damage control mode to protect finances and get control of debt acquisition because this also protects the children.
(*Those who control her control the children.)
I demand to be in first place with my wife. If I am not, then the marriage is already over. The time for emotion and wishful thinking is past. I only have one life. I insist on enjoying it and living it the way I want. GaryB
I'm curious. Are you married, GaryB?
Yes I am married.
I'm gonna throw my opinion in.
How many of us EX-JW's visit JW family members and are driven crazy by the whole mindset while we are there? I know with me I can only visit my relatives for no more than a week before I have to get outta there. It starts as only a minor nuisance but after awhile it becomes intolerable. If you are a householder you can always dismiss them if they come to your door. But if you are in the same household, you are a captive to their ideology, paranoia and pessimism. Conversations are often angled to reinforce their belief system. Life "in this system" can never be too good. Non JW's can never be fully trusted. Despite most things getting better in our world, JW's keep everything negative before them and blow it out of proportion. The cup is always half empty unless it pertains to the Society, kingdom hall or preaching. This dim world view can be stifling and the servitude robs enormous time and flexibility from relationships. As a non-believer, you are always regarded as a slacker, weak, proud, or materialistic to one degree or another. Imagine your kids growing up being taught to never really give you all that much respect or credit. Some may even be embarrassed of you.
It boils down to what you can live with. For me I gained a tremendous appreciation for the life I have now. This religion is like an insidious disease that slowly cripples those around it.
If you can get your wife and kids out great! - you saved them all.
If you can only get your kids o.k. - at least you saved them from it.
If you only walk away with yourself intact - you saved something.
Globetrotter, something is compelling you to act. I'd listen to that. Unfortunately there is no silver bullet. Most do not come away unscathed - but we all know that already. Do something, you'll be happier in the long run.
Yes I am married.
Hm. OK.
When I was 23 I married a young lady who had been infected by Witness parents like I had also been. When she developed leukemia, she refused chemo treatment because it needed to be supported by blood medical treatment. The disease flamed out of control and she died a terrible death at age 26.
I later re-married and had 4 sons with another Witness parent contaminated young lady. I allowed her to corrupt my sons and two of them embraced the Jehovah's Witnesses and chose to shun me.
Looking back on all this, I would do anything to avoid all of it at any cost. I played the candy ass dummy and let the Witnesses have their way and I have paid a high price for doing that. It was a mistake. Today I take a very hard line. Witnesses are not welcome around me or my family. They are predators. If they hint at trying to make advances at my family, I aggressively discourage them from doing that. They have deceived me and they have educated my sons how to be rude and rejecting. They are my enemies.
If I had it to do over, I would never have married a Witness woman. If I had married a Witness woman and had 4 sons, I would have eliminated the Jehovah's Witnesses from our lives much sooner even if that meant eliminating the Witness woman from the family. I put my sons in harm's way by allowing them to be educated by a Witness mother and I made a HUGE mistake in ever letting my Witness relatives and other Witnesses near my sons. If I had it to do over, I would do anything to protect my family from the agents of the Watch Tower Publishing Corporation.
Today I live with the mother of my children and I do not tell her story. I will say I am very comfortable with her and our life and I love our two sons who love us. We have a beautiful daughter in law and two step grandchildren and a 5 month old grandson. The Witnesses will have access to them over my dead body. GaryB
Ann, it seems as if you are downplaying the dangerous cult and suggesting that globe trotter using that as an excuse for a dysfunctional marriage. Whether you intend to or not, you seem to have an almost hostile approach when addressing this issue. It's as if you are searching for excuses instead of addressing a major cause for dysfunction in the home, that being the reality of living with a cult member. It's as if you are suggesting things such as "you must have other problems", "you must want it to be only your way of thinking" to glaze over an undeniably huge dilemma.
Having been in a relationship with an active cult member, I certainly can relate to Globetrotters feelings. The reality is that even if they had a troubled relationship, cult membership a major inhibitor of normal relationships. Without the cult, this couple would have a much better understanding of where there marital problems lie.
Steven Hassan addressed the issue of whether or not it was better for people to live in a cult-ruled fantasy world or to be free of the cult and deal with the realities in their life in his "releasing the bonds..." book.
It sounds as if you are saying to just let the alcoholic drink themselves under the table and leave them be. It could work, I suppose. But not real healthy, I think.
Ok, well I've been well and truly put in my place! And Gary, I'm cut that you have had those unimaginably painful experiences. I am greatly sorry that Globetrotter's marriage has deteriorated so much and it's heart-breaking that they are both on a self-destruct course especially as there are children involved.
However, there are lots of people out there who have mixed religion homes who are happy (even, amazingly, WTS and non-WTS members!) - their love and respect for each other transcends their differences.
There are cultish people in every walk of life - cultish in their religions, from Catholics to smaller offbeat religions like the WTS to Islam to whatever, cultish in politics, cultish in sport, leisure activities, etc. etc. It's clear she needs to make changes, but I strongly feel he needs to back off. They BOTH need to stop this deliberate hurting of each other - I wouldn't be surprised if it's down to profound insecurities on both sides.
(Btw, if my posts were read in a different 'tone,' they might not sound so hard.)
Appealing to reason and perspective,
Ann
Globetrotter, what a difficult situation this is. I'm sad for all of you, you, your wife and most of all your kids. I certainly don't have extensive experience, but I don't know of any JW/non-JW mixed marriages that are full of love and harmony. Love, yes, but not harmony. How long the love can last under those circumstances remains to be seen.
This thread should be required reading for any normal "worldly" person, involved romantically with a Jehovah's Witness. They need to be informed and educated about this religion/cult before making any important decisions.
