a personal question about *gasp* sex!

by missylissy 85 Replies latest social relationships

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  Nosferatu

  Theres some things that are best learnt the hard way but there are some things that you can learn just from talking to and listening to older and more experienced people and taking them up on their advice.

  Agreed.

  I dont have to go try heroin or cocaine in order to learn about them.

  Very true. The difference is heroin and cocaine are not a necessity in life whereas supporting yourself, your mate, and having sex (if you want to someday have children) ARE necessities in life. These MUST be experienced sometime in life as opposed to heroin and cocaine.

  I doubt that neither Smyler nor Missy have to go much farther than the schools they attend to see the results of teenage pregnancy. Dealing with your kid screaming, carrying a diaper bag, a stroller plus dealing with finishing school is an incredible burden for someone who doesn't have a good, secure full time job or a place where they live on their own.

  I'm not at all discrediting everyone's advice on teenage pregancy nor STDs since they are very important issues. The only question I pose to Smyler and Missy is: Are you truly ready to financially support not only each other, but a child as well?

  If they say "yes" to this question without giving it any thought, then there isn't a damn thing any one of us can do. However, if they say "no", then they should seriously look into getting her on the pill and him some rubbers.

  To me that is reason enough NOT to screw with a good thing by complicating it with sex.

  If the proper measures are taken to prevent pregnancy and STDs, sex doesn't become complicated (except for the first few times LOL!) Sex enhances a relationship, but consequences will complicate it if the proper measures aren't taken.

  I've known people who have lost their virginity who were much younger than Smyler & Missy (as young as age 11) who basically had pressure put onto them to do it. I highly doubt that neither Smyler or Missy are forcing sex upon the other.

  They lived with their respective parents and probably had a bedtime, how much of that time do you think they actually spent together?

  The same amount (if not, more) than I spend with my fiance.
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  missylissy

  thanks for that nos, a lot of people here have really given me their advice, and i appreciate that, but you've stood up for us too, and i really apprecitate that.

  -missy
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  Rabbit

  Missy & Smylar: I think you might be asking this question, because, even tho' you've made your decision -- I don't think you have set that in concrete...wisely. You may be asking for advice...wisely.

  My own experience was -- my 1st wife and I were good JW's and I was 24. For me and her that was good, for us -- it did make OUR marriage night more special. I can't say what's best for you. I think you've gotten for the most part some real heart-felt advice from people that care and have had experience, some good, some bad.

  My daughter got pregnant at 17 -- it changed her whole life! First time she 'did it' ! In her case the 'father' ran. Here are some other points I wanted to make:

  a) You are 'JAIL BAIT', I know parents who've turned in the boyfriend & girlfriend to the cops --they were charged with 'Statutory Rape'. Depending on how old Smylar is he could go to jail and forever -- have a Felony sex charge on his record! ( You are under 16 !)

  b) Birth control doesn't always work. Are you prepared for that...really?

  c) If you are still a JW -- you probably are aware of all the ramifications of that...are you prepared?

  d) Sorry -- that Jait Bait thing is a BIGGY, Smylar. No plan is perfect -- you could get caught.

  My advice is wait...

  Sincerely, Lee
• 

  Mulan

  I dont have to go try heroin or cocaine in order to learn about them. I do not have to experience it for myself to know better. Likewise, a child does not have to touch a hot stove to know its going to burn them. They simply listen to the experience of a parent who tells them and they believe. I dont think that these kids have to experience the negative effects of having sex too early in order for them to know that they are real. They dont need to be teenage parents in order to know that being a teen parent can completely change your life and make it 1000 times harder.

  Flower, that is awesome.

  There are some things that it is appropriate for adults to do, but not children. A 15 year old is a child. No offense, but legally you are children.

  Good point made about statutory rape too.

  Euph................while Dave and I are happy and made a good life together and things turned out well for us, it was a crap shoot. We had many friends who also married young, and frankly I can't think of any who are still together now. They outgrew each other as they grew up. If I had it to do over again, I might not make the same decision. I married him, in love as a 17 year old. I will never know the difference if I had waited until I was in my 20's and not had a baby at 18. Times were different.

  I do think 17 year old girls in the 60's were more mature than 17 year olds now. I can only compare the girls I know at that age, and the idea of them marrying and having babies makes me shudder. Values were different, committments were committments, etc. We also had strong family support and assistance when we had financial or any other problems. Not everyone has that today, with all the split families. We both had long-married parents, as our example, AND we had really good congregations back in the 60's. Things are different in the congregations today, as all of us know.
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  flower

  Why are we even comparing sex to something that is inherently harmful, like heroin, cocaine, or touching a hot stove?

  I was comparing it to say that there are some things that are best NOT learned the hard way. AND because when practiced irresponsibly by immature people sex CAN be as harmful as drugs or touching a hot stove. If you dont believe it talk to the parents of a kid who contracted AIDS or talk to the abandoned, unwanted children who sit in orphanages waiting for someone to take them home. Imo, sex is just like many other things in life such as alchohol and pot, things that are only good when used responsibly by adults, otherwise they can be harmful or deadly. The question is whether kids that age are capable of taking the necessary steps assure there are no problems down the line.

  I wouldnt recommend that my 15 year old use alcohol or pot because I dont think they are capable of using it responsibly yet. Same thing here, I dont think a kid can take the necessary steps to assure that there are no consequences. Maybe once or twice yea but not long term..it only takes one time.
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  Euphemism

  Rabbit You are 'JAIL BAIT'

  Did you bother to look at smyler's profile? He's the same age as missy... actually, he's a few months younger.

  Mulan
  while Dave and I are happy and made a good life together and things turned out well for us, it was a crap shoot.

  So in other words, you're saying that if you had to go back, you'd be more cautious... but you're not saying that you made a bad decision, right? Thanks, that's what I wanted to know.

  Actually, I'd be interested to find out... is there anyone here who had sex when they were 15 or 16, with a serious, steady bf or gf of the same age, and used protection, and still feels that it was a bad decision and had serious negative consequences?
• 

  Nosferatu

  I was comparing it to say that there are some things that are best NOT learned the hard way. AND because when practiced irresponsibly by immature people sex CAN be as harmful as drugs or touching a hot stove.

  Wow, this is one hell of a statement!

  Now, I'm curious. What's the easy way of learning about sex?

  Immaturity with regards to sex hardly differs between adults and teenagers. There are men out there who are completely grown up, who go out just to get laid and don't use protection despite the fact that they are aware of the consequences. I've met people like this and I've seen them experience the consequences.

  Likewise for "mature" people. I've known young couples who have engaged in sex and years later still don't have any kids or diseases. Me and my ex are living proof of this. I lost my virginity to her when she was 16. She lost her virginity when she was 13. Neither of us have kids or diseases. We're not lucky, we just made sure we used protection and birth control - lots of it.

  Imo, sex is just like many other things in life such as alchohol and pot, things that are only good when used responsibly by adults, otherwise they can be harmful or deadly

  One thing you have to realize is life is full of risks. Driving a car can be potentially dangerous if a drunk driver crashes into you. Living in a house can be dangerous if an earthquake strikes and the house caves in. But there are ways to reduce the risks - fasten your seatbelt and don't live on a major faultline.
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  flower

  I know plenty of people who have regretted it. Perhaps not on this board since most of us grew up in a cult where sex was forbidden even at 40 years of age if one was not married.
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  flower

  What's the easy way of learning about sex?

  You missed the point. Its not about learning about sex, they obviously know all about sex and what it is. But my point was simply that I would hate for them to have to learn the hard way that sex can have serious consequences if you dont know what you are doing as far as contraceptives and protection. If you 'think' you know what you are doing it would suck to find out you were wrong the hard way. Thats all I meant. Most kids only 'think' they know things but with their limited experience in life 90% of the time they are way off.
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  ESTEE

  I was 17 and toooooo young. I didn't know myself at all. Just a messed up jw kid. Glad I didn't get pregnant.

  ESTEE