You could always talk to your daughter about the dilemma concerning the younger ones and ask her how best to deal with it.
I think asking her instead of dictating would be a lot less likely to result in problems
Everybody, I need your help re Daughter
by xjw_b12 47 Replies latest jw friends
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calamityjane
Yes Lady Lee, I will definitly have to do that. I'll have to call her, and see what she expects.
It's just I didn't think it was a problem until again xjw brought it up again and it just seemed to blow out of the water. I didn't see a real problem with it.
Sometimes it's really hard to come out of the borg without scars and not inflict them on your younger ones. And that is something I don't or didn't want to do.
I again am so thankful for the insight on the board.
love cj
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pettygrudger
Your house - your rules.
Separate sleeping arrangements would be mandatory in my home. You have teenagers still with you, who need to understand that sexuality also entails responsibility, and revered as special. Not something that should be shared with any boyfriend one happens to be dating at the time. (IMHO)
THere is nothing wrong with some old fashion morality once in awhile. Your daughter & her boyfriend should have no problems respecting your wishes in this regard. They aren't living together in Toronto, so therefore should not be allowed to shack up at your place.
My hubby agrees with me, and he was raised with NO religion
P.S. XJW - Believe me, your oldest daugher KNOWS who her "real" father is - I think you'd be suprised at how wise children are in this regard, especially as they enter into adulthood.
Besides - they'll just have to "sneak" around like the rest of us did - gives one some pretty good memories as we get older
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SixofNine
Man I could rant about this.
I'll spare you. But know this: The biggest problems this universe has, and the children of this universe have, is the combination of dishonesty and hypocrisy; it ain't "being sexual before your 18th birthday", and it sure as hell isn't "being aware that others are sexual after their 18th birthday".
Fear based parenting sucks.
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freedom96
With younger siblings in the house, they need to stay in separate rooms.
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Odrade
I'm for the separate rooms too. My reason: even though your 12 y.o. and 14 y.o. know big sis is doing her honey, they don't need to lie awake while she's visiting and wonder if she's in there getting it on RIGHT NOW.
If they are in the same room, it's going to be much more on the minds of the younger kids. They probably don't need the visual.
Odrade
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joannadandy
I think it's more of a respect thing.
If I were your daughter and in this situation, I would totally respect you asking me to have my bf sleep in a different room.
It is your house, and I think it is just respectful for them to behave how you see fit while under your roof. It's just a visit, I am pretty sure they can handle sleeping apart.
Call me a prude, it is old fashioned, and I can't even really explain why I feel this way on this (my old JW up-bringing coming back to haunt me?), but just because your kids are aware of sexuality doesn't mean it has to be flaunted in front of them, ya know?
I dunno...
*going back to her corner*
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simplesally
I am with Lady, I was going to suggest asking your daughter what she planned on doing. Then you could even ask her how she wants to explain to the 14 year old the difference......and if it sounds reasonable, let her do what she plans.......she might say no way she is explaining to your 14 year old.....well then she is not mature enough to sleep with her man in my house!!!
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Xena
I would take the talking to your daughter route, tell her what is on your mind and see what input she has. I know if my parents were in that position I would want them to be comfortable with us being there and would be willing to abstain for a few days if it made them feel better regarding others in the household.
I think if you make it a joint decision everyone will feel better about it.
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ESTEE
living on her own, far away, she's 24, has a career,
She is an adult. As an adult, big sister has the right to choose what she would prefer as far as sleeping arrangements. I think her adult-ness deserves to be respected. I would not sit in "judgment" as far as married or unmarried. Her sister is 24 with a boyfriend. A 14-year old knows the score. The 14-year old might see it as hypocracy if they were put in separate rooms. Big sister would appreciate your open-mindedness, too, I'm sure. I would just keep it low key, no big deal here.
I think it is really cool that big sister is bringing home the boyfriend for you to meet. She might really like this guy. Maybe he's a keeper! Loving parents would not make waves ... acceptance and understanding and unconditional love will go a long way. She seems to have a level head about relationships, since she broke up with the married guy. I think its okay to trust her judgment here.
You two are doing something really healthy here, as far as raising your kids, I figure!!! Way to go!!!
Just my $.02 ...
ESTEE