Everybody, I need your help re Daughter

by xjw_b12 47 Replies latest jw friends

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  Abaddon

  The range of opinions is interesting...

  Carmel raised a good point about TV/films. To me it's kind of inconsistant to allow kids that age to watch films that portray exactly the same thing (intimate non-married relationships) and then veto it happening under the roof. If you control what they watch to the same extent as your houserules, then, fine, no inconsistancy.

  To me a parent remaining credible is important. I saw my dad stop drinking before meetings (as in wine with a meal) after some half-assed Watchtower about how the Priests of the Temple wouldn't stand before Jehovah intoxicated... and saw it forgotten about within a few months... I saw my parents react negatively to song lyrics no worse then the Song of Soloman and take refuge in 'Because I said so' when the inconsitantcy was pointed out.

  Your kids know you're going through a period of change. I don't know about your 12 year-old, but if your 14 year-old is anything like my 13 year-old, then you'll be able to ask her how she would feel in situation a and situation b, and how you're deciding which would be best, and how this is confusing because of what you used to believe.

  Even if you don't change your mind as a result of the conversation it's a fantastic opportunity to foster maturity in your daughter.
• 

  avishai

  To me it's kind of inconsistant to allow kids that age to watch films that portray exactly the same thing (intimate non-married relationships) and then veto it happening under the roof. If you control what they watch to the same extent as your houserules, then, fine, no inconsistancy.

  Sorry, abbaddon, but that's insane! I also have detective or cowboy shows on in the house. That does'nt mean I have to allow murdering in my house!!! That's bullshit logic. xjw-b12, your older daughter is already an adult, you've done you're job. Her "feelings" are'nt NEARLY as important as setting boundaries for your younger ones. Yes, I realize that your 14 and 12 year old probably "know what's going on". But, they should know they at least have the OPTION of not going down their older sisters path.

  For instance, growing up, I was a dick on wheels, party animal, Joe promiscuous. I also let my baby bro, when he was about 15, that he did'nt HAVE to do as I did, even tho I personally have few regrets. He's had three girlfriends, total. He is twenty-five, & other than the jw bullshit put on him when he was younger, fairly successful.
• 

  BeautifulGarbage

  It's your house and it's your rules. Period.

  No debate, no discussion.

  Ok, maybe a simple "I'm not comfortable with it" if she protests. That's it.

  Though, I would tell her ahead of time and not spring it on her at the last minute.

  Or another way could be "We will have your roomS or BedS ready when you get here." Then, you could gauge her reaction.
• 

  calamityjane

  Thanks for everybody's advice.

  I talked to her last night, and told her the separate sleeping arrangements. She didn't give me any hassle, she said it's our house, our rules, so I was relieved, but then again she was in a crisis moment, her boyfriend was attacked last night by a machete wielding man. Two gashes on the head, required stitches, but I believe he'll be okay.

  We can put this thread to rest now.

  Thanks again.
• 

  avishai

  "Calamityjane and xjw-b12 & family"

  The same thing happened to two friends of mine in Oregon in the mid nineties, strangely enough. A psychotic neighbor came over & whacked both of my friends, They both got of w/ gashes but are OK. That really sucks.
• 

  waiting

  She didn't give me any hassle, she said it's our house, our rules, so I was relieved, but then again she was in a crisis moment, her boyfriend was attacked last night by a machete wielding man.

  Sorry 'bout that. poor guy. Perhaps your daughter will need your companionship more during their visit - things like that hit hard with some people.

  Enjoy your visit with them.

  waiting
• 

  shotgun

  Holy crap CJ....remind me never to date anyone related to that nut husband of yours.

  she was in a crisis moment, her boyfriend was attacked last night by a machete wielding man. Two gashes on the head, required stitches, but I believe he'll be okay.

  I hope they have XJW B12 under control, I've heard of jealous fathers but this takes the cake, and just after he changed his avatar to a smiley face to boot.

  Honestly I hope things are OK all levity aside.
• 

  wednesday

  I haven't read all the replies, but i think your 14 yr old knows the score. She probably knows the difference betwen 14 and ,24 out on our own and a carrer. Really, woudln't it confuse her if u forced them to sleep in separate beds? Probably she knows they sleep together so are u telling her it is not ok for an adult to have sex? Maybe the thing to do is talk to your 14 yr old and just be honest with her. As some have said, they see far worse on TV and all. Maybe big sis could talk to little sis. I feel the important thing is to not let that be the overriding concern of their visit. They came to see u, and visit. Surely your older dagt. knows to behave herself around the children. Children know hypocrisy when they see it. I would have a heart to heart with thme and let them know big sis is an adult.

  Anyway, they is my opinion..