I knew I couldnt avoid them forever... Hi there, new here

Butterfliez

Hello everyone!

whew*....I finally registered, and guess what?! It wasnt as hard as I thought it would be lol. I've been lurking here, quietly and observing the board for about 2 years now. I finally decided to come out because of a stressful situation I recently found myself in.I registered on one other EX-JW site and I love being there too. Even though I have a pretty good conception of everyone here, let me introduce myself.

To begin with, without revealing too much information, I was raised as a JW from tha age of 5. I became baptised at 9, and i was ready to leave about 14. Now i am currently 16.I had been planning my escape from the JWS ever since i was around 13. I had always told myself that when i turned 16, i wanted to get a car, and a job to get away from the meetings. The restrictions that I faced were unbearable. I couldnt have any close friends, couldnt talk on the phone, couldnt watch tv, couldnt do anything a normal teenager wanted to do.

By then, just the restrictions werent the only things that bothered me. Some of the things they were saying were the biggest tub of rat piss I had ever heard of. My doubts began to become even more serious. By then, my brother bought me a computer and I was on my way to freedom. Since I was never allowed to go anywhere, and there werent and still are not any girls my age at the hall, I had alot of time to do my own research and independent thinking outside of the 'shit-ciety'.

Fatsforward to today. I live with my mother and grandmother, who is a dedicated, brainwashed JW. Before my escape, I have many stories of the ways I was yelled at and assaulted by her.She is the equivalent to having an elder for a father. Before her days in the sect, she was still a domineering, controlling person, and nothing has changed.

I try not to dwell on what has happened between me and her because it hurts. My mother has a mental illness, so therefore she would never stand up for me. I am now old enough to do it for myself, not only to her, but now to the elders as well.

I did reach my goals. I did get a car from my brother(without my grandmothers help of course...she did everything she could to keep me from getting it) and i also have a job. I havent attended a meeting in about 2 months now and i havent missed them at all. In fact, I know that i am much happier without it. I hated going, having to be fake in front of all those brainwashed people.

THe other day when i came in from school, my grandmother had an elder on the phone waiting for me (why wont these people get a life?!) he basically forced a meeting between him, my book study conductor, and me. Now, although i dont want to get disfellowshipped just yet, i dont want to go back to the meetings anymore. When I was 14, i attended out of fear of my grandmother. I dont fear her anymore. I also feel like i dont owe her anything. Ive heard alot of people say i should listen to her because i live in her house, but the situation goes deeper than that. If they knew that finances were entirely upon my mother and I, maybe they would have a diferent opinion....

So the reason i finally decided to open the curtains is because I really need help. This meeting is saturday morning. Im not sure what to say or what to do.Should i go ahead and allow them to disfellowship me? Im so confused. Before i close i just want to say that im so appreciative of this site and everyone for helping me learn what the WTS is all about and I hope to get to get closer to everyone here as time passes on.

dustyb

welp...its hard...if you want some advice PM me. i've kinda been thru it.

A Paduan

Don't turn up - you're only a teenager, and they've always got issues - if they df you in your absence, it only displays the utter hard-heartedness.

Fe2O3Girl

Hello Butterfliez, and Welcome!

You appear to be a very poised and erudite 16 year old.

My advice would be to avoid this meeting with the elders by any means possible. Have a migraine. Go out and have a car breakdown that prevents you from being there. Anything.

It sounds to me that there aren't actually any grounds for them to disfellowship you on, however in my opinion, and judging from other peoples experiences, if they want you out, you're out.

From your post, I assume that your brother is not a JW and is supportive of you. Can he help you out at this time? What will your home life be like if the elders do disfellowship you? What do you want to do from here? Are you planning to go to college? Does your school counceller know your situation, can you get help from that source?

Although it's painful, a slow fade attracts less attention than stopping meeting attendance abruptly.

LittleToe

First off - welcome

If you can stomach it, be completely agreeable and blame the new job, for keeping you so tired that you've missed a few meetings.
If they bring up that it's been a couple of months, act horrified.

You're a teenager, it shouldn't be hard to feign "I'm tired all the time", especially given that you have a job and school to cater for.
Don't forget to thank them for their concern and encouragement - it's disarming

Smyler

Check your PMs

It will get better!

smyler

greven

Are you babtised BTW? If not, they cannot DF you.

As to advise: I second Little Toe.

And welcome to the board girl!

Greven

Amazing

Hi Butterfliez,

Welcome. The above advice to avoid meeting with the Elders is likely the best. They are likely sincere, but they are interested in keeping you loyal to the Watchtower organization ... whereas you have made your mind up to leave. There is no basis for a meeting, except to give them opportunity to try and pressure you.

If you do meet with them, then make sure that one or two trusted adults are with you, such as your brother. What I mean by adult, is someone who is well over 21 years old. And if you want to jazz things up, call the police and ask for an officer to be there, because you are not confortable meeting with these two adult men who pressured you into a meeting ... having a police officer on the scene to protect a young woman like yourself from these men will keep things in their place.

Whatever you do, let us know what happens.

Sirona

Hi

I agree with amazing on this one. You are a young person and it simply isn't a good situation for you to be pressured into meeting these two elders. The idea of a policeman might be a good idea, or at least another adult who is not JW.

Overall, I'd avoid a meeting anyway. Its easier in the long run. I met with elders and all they did was say I was under the devil's influence. Next time they tried to meet me, I refused. They haven't DF'd me.

Good luck!

Sirona

LittleToe

The only problem with not meeting is that it raises suspicions that this erstwhile strong JW 16yr old may be up to high jinks.

Whereas meeting, and allaying all fears, other than "tiredness" may change things to something more sypathetic. After given the counsel and being thanked, they will likely feel fatherly and have a sense of achievement. The key would be saying as little as possible, and being very agreeable. It may require "getting into role" to acheive.

The main unknown is what the grandmother may have said...

I knew I couldnt avoid them forever... Hi there, new here

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