by Butterfliez 62 Replies latest jw friends
Steve,
I've been on this site for about a week now. I'm here because I am confused but honestly the more I come to this site the more bogus I feel that it is. It actually makes me believe in the TRUTH even more it really does. Like I said earlier I'm sorry that you guys ran into bad situations in the truth but when you run into bad situations in the world where are you going to go then?
hi buterfliez
if you want to know the legalities of your baptism then send a message to alan f, 'cos being baptised below the age of 16/18 is ilegal 'cos baptism in the JW world is a legaly binding contract and theose below the age of 16/18 arent allowed to enter into a legally binding contract by law, and he can maybe help you get out of baptism contract. other than that, you could complain to the police that 3 strange men are hassling you to go into a room with them by yourself. i always the prefer the option of giving them grief, rather than laying down and letting them sacrafice you (disfellowship).
Some of you suggest calling the police? C'mon get a life! you make it sound like the JW are some sort of mind controlling oriental sect, which they are not. Although some "apostatas" claim so (I wonder what particular experiences they had).
Overall they are nice people. With a strong conviction but nevertheless nice.
Butterfliez, go to the meeting, always be respectful, for they will treat you with respect too, no matter which way you choose to go.
The elders are not there to brainwash you nor to push you into anything you don't want to. At least all the elders I ever meet where people with their feets safely on the ground. They will cite from the Bible, a lot.
One of the thing they may wish to gauge is if you fear men (your grandmother, them [the elders]) or if you fear God. If you are honest with them, explaining that you think you have been "pushed too early" into this or maybe only because of familiy pressure or whatever your particular situation is, and you explain that you need some time off. I guess they would have to respect that.
If for example it turns out that your family has been pressure cooking you into being a JW then the elders would have the duty to confront your family, not you, so as to have your familiy drop or reduce the pressure. The society does not want to "force" anybody, quite to the contrary.
It is also important to be clear if you belive that they have the truth or not. You may believe the truth is there but dislike preaching, the meetings, etc. be clear about what exactly you dislike.
If you just want "out" then respectfully say so. If you want a "time-out" to reconsider and think about matters, then respectfully say so.
All that said, i guess it can be psycologically heavy to suddenly loose all your friends in the sense that nobody will even talk to you (You call that disfellowship in english?). That is why i would suggest to go a non-confrontational way and just quietly wither away afterwards if you want to. That also leaves you the option to continue being a JW if after a time you think that is the way for you.
At the end of the road this situation is pretty unique for each individual is different.
Hello, buterfliez , and welcome!
I was raised JW and I went through some of what you are going through, too. By the time I was your age, I was making plans for my escape, also.
I had ?the meeting? with three elders because my parents were panicking.
I did not want to get kicked out of the JWs?or ?marked? or anything because I was afraid I would be kicked out of my house. So I played it safe. I answered every question with, ?I don?t know for sure?? or, ?I feel confused about that right now?I?m just not sure,? and a few of: ?I want to be sure I am doing the right thing.?
The meeting went on for hours and hours?3 hours, I think. But in the end, they shrugged their shoulders and left. I never said I didn?t believe in the org. I never said anything bad about the JWs. I did say I wasn?t sure if the Bible was true?but mostly I just left things vague and I took no stand on anything.
I tried to stop going to meetings, but my parents said that I had to go to meetings or move out. So I quietly went to meetings until I was 18 years old and out of high school?and then I moved out.
I really felt I had to move out by that time. I did it?I took care of myself and made a little life. But it was hard, and my sheltered youth did not prepare me for real life very well. But that is all another story!
My advice: 1) Be careful. 2) Try not to burn bridges. 3) Stay in school until you have a college degree, no matter what.
Take care!
-LisaBObeesa
The meeting went on for hours and hours?3 hours, I think.
lisa, why did they spend 3 hours with you, if like Galimo claims that the elders dont want to force anyone into anything? it seems a lot of time wasted if they didnt try to and force you to stay.
galimo. why does it take 3 elders 3 hours to determine whether someone doesnt want to stay in the 'religion'? i went to see an elder, told him i wasnt going to go to meetings anymore, and that was it. i've never had 3 elders chasing me up and neither would i allow it. i'd tell them to mind their own bloody business b4 i wasted any of my time with them. so, you tell me why these 3 elders want to meet with her if it isnt stumble her? why do they have to put her through an inquisition? she's shown by not going to meetings that she doesnt want to be there. cant you people just let people choose go their own way in life instead of harassing them? harassment of people is very serious offence, if you didnt know already. if she tells them that she wont attend the JC and that she doesnt want to attend any meetings at all, JC or otherwise, and for them to stop contacting her about it, if they do try to contact her again then informing the police of harassment is certainly the best way forward. just because someone's baptised doesnt mean they have to play the elders game by the elder's rules.
and another thing, why does the WTS allow children to enter into illegal contracts????? you explain that one to me.
Galimo has I guess just had positive experiences with the WTS. Many of us have not.Many of us have been abused and they have totally overstepped thei supposed authority by forcing us to meet at times not ok with us and not allowing us to have someone their to support and defend us, and grilling us for hours over the smallest things. If the elders in butterflies case just are trying to ecourage her, they do not have to call a JC meeting to do that. U are outnumbered and often humilated. No way i would go to one without a legal represenitive.
Butterfliez,
Lisa has it together. Been there and done it. Listen closely to her.
,
JoySome and Galimo,
I have not welcomed either of you to the board. So WELCOME.
Some of us who are advising Butterfliez to avoid even confronting these men and being evasive for her own sake were once "these men". Just Amazing and I together have aprox half a century of experiences in 'admonishing' and 'restoring' lost sheep like Butterfly and we know what will happen to here if she does not say the right thing.
I respect your confidence in the system and your faith that they have Butterfly's best interests at heart, but take it from insiders the outcome can be nothing but hurtful for her. As LittleToe said (another long time elder) if she must meet with them then she has to play the game very carefully or she is cooked.
Hope you both stick around. We have a lot of real experience to share with you.
Steve
lisa, why did they spend 3 hours with you, if like Galimo claims that the elders dont want to force anyone into anything? it seems a lot of time wasted if they didnt try to and force you to stay.
I don't think they were trying to force me to stay. How could they 'force' me? You could say that when they failed to get me to say I believed, they tried to force me out, though (by asking THE question).
I think they were #1 trying to 'save my soul,'
and if they couldn't do that, then
#2 get me to say I didn't believe The BOrg is God's one true org. ...so they could give me the 'boot.'
But I foiled their efforts. I said things like, "I just don't know if I believe in God, because there is so much pain in the world and the bible explanation just does not make sense to me." It took three hours for them to try to convince me the bible was true. I remained 'unsure.'
Then they asked, as instructed in the 'flock book' I suppose, the $64,000 question: Did I believe it was God's one true org? I said, "I don't know."
They gave up and left.
-LisaBObeesa
(Of course the asked THE question because they had to by some rule or something. It was a nonsense question because I had just spent 3 hours saying I wasn't sure I even believed in God.)
you make it sound like the JW are some sort of mind controlling oriental sect, which they are not
Galimo, you are right. They really are a mind controlling American sect.
Seriously, I do agree with some of what you say.
We have to think of what could happen to this young person. She could be DF. Her parents could kick her out of the house. Or they could let her stay and shun her in her own home. I have seen it happen. Or her parents and the elders could be understanding. We don't know her congregation, her elders or her parents. She needs to be very careful, that is for sure. And we need to be careful giving her advice that could get her DF, that could set into motion things that could affect her whole life.
That is why i would suggest to go a non-confrontational way and just quietly wither away afterwards if you want to.
I agree.
-LisaBOBeesa
I wish when I was a teenager, there would have been some child protective service or government agency that would have removed me from my "home". I wish someone would have saved me from the superstitious, restrictive, clannish jws. I wish somehow I could have been removed from having to hear all about their nightmarish visions of gloom & doom & their angry god. I wish I never had to hear about their "persecution" crapola & hate for "the world". I wish, instead of running around like Henny Penny saying "the sky is falling", my mother would have encouraged education & reality.
Hey, at least I got to finish high school & didn't end up sitting next to some geek I hardly knew one too many times & find myself engaged at a young age! I also got thrown out as soon as I turned 18 for wanting nothing to do with that cult & being "a bad witness". I did end up putting myself through school, with the aid of grants & guaranteed student loans.
You can too. Education is your best friend! The jws raise women to be subservient to men & try to keep them ignorant. If you do your best in school & take a look at your life, set goals & dreams for yourself, you can do anything you want with your life! Sounds like you are well on your way :)
Keep in touch with us, most of us have been there & lived through it, only to come out the wiser for it. Living well IS the best revenge. You will get through this & live a wonderful life, while they are still running on the watchtower treadmil.
