I can't sleep.............it is true........ I got popcorn , pickle and I could not eat it.......no one made a sound except the sniffles you could hear. I saw many people not eating but holding kleenex to their faces, I did the whole time. We live in the Bible belt here in Louisiana ,,,,,,,,church groups of 450 people were in this little town to see the movie everyday ,,,,,,,different groups thru out the whole days as it started.
We had to wait in a line for over an hour,,,,,,,,which is totally unheard of in our town for any movie. It was so many people of all ages, races, religions,,,,,,,,I knew alot of the people even atheist who were there to see the movie.
There were many people like me who ate their popcorn while waiting to see it,,,,,as soon as it started,,,,,,,the bags of snacks were put away,,,,,,,,,and there were tons of us taking our uneaten popcorn home. It was a weird experience to see people laughing , visiting talking , while waiting in line to get in..........and then to see the people coming out.......no one talking, faces looking like they had been crying the whole time,,,,,silence and seriousness.
I sat on the back row, I always like to sit there,,,,,,,,I was glad I did........when the movie ended.......everyone just sat there for a moment in utter silence........it was the strangest thing, to not hear a peep.
I hauled out of there as soon as I could,,,,,,,I didnt want anyone to see how much I had been crying.
I got up to use the restroom after I watched the flogging scene before it was even over. as it just was too hard for me to watch. Not that it was gorey so much as I can take alot of gore........but it was Jesus and I can say it just hurt my heart . At that point the tears of what Jesus went thru was more than I could take, as was the expressions of those on the screen who loved him watched in their sorrow, horror.
When I came back , I was able to watch the rest of it, although it was still hard to watch. There was just some kind of trigger in that certain part that I personally , could not watch anymore.
I can tell you,,,,,,,,,,, as an ex JW who always loved Jesus as I was taught,,,,,,,the loving , kind man he was, the person I used to wish would rescue me as a child,,,,,,,,,brought back the feelings I thought I had lost when I left the JW. Hard to explain really,,,,,,,,but it moved me so much that since I didnt eat before the movie, and durning the movie,,,,,,, I ran thru the drive in at McD's and had to wait to eat a cheeseburger for awhile.
For awhile when I got back in our truck......... I would just start crying.... I am sure the lady at the drivethru wondered what in the world was wrong with me....... I was shaking and would just start crying all over again.
I still feel the same way I did before the movie,,,,,,,,,,not sure what really happened with Jesus ,,,,,,,as if he was really the son of God, God or just a good man. Nevertheless,,,,,,,he was a man,,,,,,,and it was horrible what he went thru , yet amazing at his attitude towards people who did those terrible things to him , even in his last breath.
The movie being in subtitles didnt take anything away from the movie IMO at all.
It didnt make me want to run back to the Kingdom Hall, I dont feel the need to run to church.......but I do feel the same as I have before the movie,,, here lately. That for me,,,,,,,,,, there is alot of studying I need to do for myself to better understand things,,,,,,,,without the JW mentality to cloud what I am reading, or studying about.
I can tell you this,,,,,,,, I do feel the need to pray,,,,,,,,,just in case there really is a Jesus in Heaven.....I lean more that there is........just not really sure yet on any of it.
Weither my prayer will make me feel better, or change anything about the way I feel, or think,,, I feel strong about saying a word of Thanks to Jesus for what he went thru.
That is why I think it bothers me so much to believe or not to believe,,,,,,,,,there is so much at stake IMO. If Jesus was a real Holy man of God,,,,,,,,I feel when I know what to go on,,,,, I want to teach my children . As they were raised JW as I was.......the emphasis was always on Jehovah and not Jesus. If he is the means to Salvation.......... I want them to see things in another light other than the JW's believe. Since leaving the JW's I have encouraged my children to explore all things and be opened minded on religious beliefs. This is no different,,,,,,,, I want them to hear this side of things too, and as they grow older they will have alot more to go on to make their own choices .
This movie really made me see how similar the Jewish leaders who put Jesus to death, are so much like our modern day GB.........shamelessly evil, bloodguilty, haughty and will do anything to keep their positions as they want it to be, at the expense of life, lives.
I may be critized from people who do not believe ,,,,,,,,maybe they think I feel too much emotion over a movie,,,,,,,but I dont feel that is what it was at all. I still dont have the answers I am searching for, I know I may not on some of them. But I wonder ,,,,,,,,why it hit me so hard. I am not even convinced I am a believer,,,,,,,,,I guess my answer will come in time and study.
It reminded me so much of the love , the belief I had for Jesus,,,,,as a child . My dad was raised Catholic and even thou he was an elder of JW,,,,,,,,he always did talk mostly about Jesus which was a little unusal for most JW's. I guess that is why I felt more of a bond to Jesus than to Jehovah. Plus he studied Listening to the Great Teacher( pink book) five times with us before I was 8 yrs old. Those old feelings and memories all came back,,,,,,,,,especially since I havent thought alot of the way I felt as a child about Jesus in over 2 yrs.
For those of us still searching for what we believe, those who don't lean one way of the other,,,,,will most definately be thinking on this movie for a long time to come.
I even got my Bible out for the first time in I don't know how long.....I just feel the need to read the gospels at this time.
I guess I am over my speechlessness now huh??????? See the movie,,,,,,,take the kleenex, and do watch the reaction of people around you,,,,,,,those coming out,,,,,,,those going in,,,,,,,,,,very interesting.