by Descender 42 Replies latest social relationships
This tread has taken on a life of its own!
Mr Satan said you might make her fall in love with you again. You might hit the lottery five times in a row too but I wouldn't count on it!
I'm alway preaching that you have to be willing to walk away. I had to do that yesterday myself! Part of me is sad because I really enjoyed being with this woman, part of me is releaved because she was acting like she had me hooked up.
And she has been replaced already. Maverick
This is one opinion that I will NEVER make my own. I find men & women to be incredibly different from each other.
I find men and other men incredibly different from each other, and I also find women and other women incredibly different from each other. What's more, I often find men who don't have a goddam lick of logic and men who's every act is based on some emotion (even if well hidden). And these are not exceptions btw.
I haven't read the whole thread, but I mostly agree with your advice to Descender, in your first post anyway. This relationship is not solvable, certainly not with he and she in the states of growth that each is in respectively. She may indeed look back someday and think "I could have handled that much better, this was painfully ugly and didn't have to be". She is excercising her freedom, her power, like a bully (and bullies are always compensating for inner weakness), and descender is acting weak and being bullied (I've been there). It doesn't mean he is weak in any other area of life, and then again, she may end up hating herself for acting this way someday. But neither person will grow, at all, if they stay together.
Descender, sorry man, I do know what you're feeling, and it's incredibly painful. You never intended for this to be a practice run. But someday, and I know you won't believe me now, you will find silver linings in this, and you will be happier than you've been in a long time, even before your wife brought this particular circus to town. I really think the lesson to learn is that a marriage has to be so open, so free, that each partner is totally aware that the other can leave at any time. That way, the truth (and this is the truth) is out in the open. As witnesses, we knew people got divorced, but we somehow didn't even see that as an option for ourselves. The simple truth is that it is an option, and it's better to have a relationship with eyes wide open.
I really don't think there are very many 20 something women alive in the year 2004, in western countries, who can be at peace with having only had sex with one man. Someday that man is going to piss her off, and the forbidden fruit is only mildly forbidden nowadays, readily available for most any woman, and by now she's figured out that curiosity isn't going to kill her kitty at all, and besides, a little danger gets the blood flowing. Hark, what signs mark yon intersection? Curiousity, Libido, and Excuse convergeth. And you my friend, were blindsided.
We just weren't prepared for reality by our parents and their religion.
To Decender--
It makes me want to cry listening to this. I am so like your wife. And I can't speak for her, but I would give the world to be given a second chance with my ex. No, it's not fair that she treat you the way that she has. It's hurtful and destructive to you and your relationship. But I can empathize with both sides because I put my ex through hell and back and still cry for the loss of him. If she was raised a J-dub she was a repressed child. She never experienced what she needed to growing up because she wasn't allowed. It was branded "bad". So she probably held in those desires for 20+ years until she had to let the animal inside free.
It's almost eerie. My ex always gave me massive amounts of attention, telling me everyday that I was beautiful, how lucky he was. Still, my insecurities have always been so high that other mens' attentions have always reached out and grabbed me.
I hope that things will work out for you. I'm not saying to be a doormat, as other posters have pointed out, but I am saying that I know what she is going through, and I would fall over backwards to see my ex take on the empathy that you seem to have. I did take him for granted, but that was before I even had an inkling that my psycological issues had anything to do with the mind-control I was raised with.
Have you suggested any of these things to her?
*goddess_baal*
