My Story... please don't freak out on me...

by Big Shooter 108 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Shakita

  Hey Big Shooter,

  Welcome to the board. Your story is very common. The pressure that the WT puts on all its adherents can easily result in a nervous breakdown. I too felt that I could never do enough. I always felt like a failure. Like I couldn't measure up. I also expected my children to do the impossible. Farkel's point is right on the money:

  Jesus said his yoke was kindly and light. Is the yoke of the WTS kindly and light, or is it an almost impossible yoke of endless demands and rules that literally wear people out, or cause them to become mentally ill. Is this the kind of life that Jesus wants you to have?

  I have been a baptized Witness for over twenty five years. If I could start all over again I would never have gone down this road. I also have deep regret over what I put my children through. I wish that I had just tried to live a normal life without all the relentless pressures of being a Witness. The biggest favor that you could do for your children is to let them grow up free of Witness requirements. It's hard enough growing up without feeling like a freak.

  I just recently asked a Witness friend of mine: Is God so petty that he would require his worshippers to be so isolated and different from others that they would feel like outcasts? I told him that I don't want to worship a God like that. I personally don't feel that God is like that. However, that is the way the WT presents its' view of God. The WT's take on God is more consistent with the Pharisees take on God than with Jesus's take on God.

  Don't be taken in by WT propaganda. It is never a sin to think for yourself. That is their way of scaring the pants off their adherents so that they won't have the nerve to look outside the box. Taking the first steps away from the WT is scary at first, but in the long run it will bring you and your family freedom.

  Mr. Shakita
• 

  talley

  Hi Big Shooter, and welcome.

  I just want to emphasize what some have suggested, and that is to read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. You may be able to find it in your local public library, and if not you could ask them to get it for you by "inter-library loan".

  An interesting thread for you may be http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/69000/1.ashx

  Wishing your and your wife all the best, talley/Judy
• 

  nelly1

  awwwwwwwwwwww big shooter, oh boy do i understand what you are saying, i spent 13 years in the org after having come out of the territory, i remember getting married to my then abusive boyfreind who i had kids to because the study conducter said if i didnt then i wouldnt get into the new system,well after 10 months of that disasterous decision i kicked him out for violence and sexually abusing our kids and get this he wasnt a witness and the PO said i wasnt a good wife and made me have 2 studies a week one in the family book and one in the live forever book, like it was my fault and i should be submissive.WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT i wasnt the one beating someone up.* shakes her head*

  anyway i have seen all the things you have said big shooter and much much more, its a very extreme case in this organisation that people are bred to judge and follow the org the elders and opinionated individuals out of fear, peer pressure and sheer guilt.

  I can see how you were probrably needing love and companionship and your girlfriend although young was giving you that no wonder you got into trouble you needed each other, sheesh these idiots do not understand human nature at all do they???

  i just wanted to hug you when i read what you wrote, you poor poor honey, I have been out for 2 years this coming september and i can tell you this board has been a tremedous comfort to me, just reading what others are going through and have gone through its such a comfort and a support.

  i am just about finished reading ray franz book crisis of concience , he was a governing body member and the things he tells of make your hair stand on end, we know jesus personality was not like this, hed see the reasons behind the mistake wether it was weakness or wickedness, man cannot do this my friend he just judges with what he sees not what he knows as fact.

  and i beleive jesus and jehovah if that indeed is what he wishes to be known as; do not approve of the dispicable things being done in their name, you gotta do what is right for you, remember Jehovah judges whats in the heart and its what is in our hearts is what will save us, the seat of motivation, only he can read it.

  and i dont beleive he will overlook us just because we choose to dissassociate from a organisation claiming to bare his name and yet not practicing the very things they preach, its the same with islam and their behaviour, their religion is invalid because they do the opposite to what their god tells them to do.

  jesus himself condemned the pharisees he got right in their faces and told them exactly in no uncertain terms what ass holes they were.

  we follow his footsteps so why shouldnt we :):)

  I wish i were there to give you a big hug, you hang in there honey, it will all be ok, and i know that our god loves you with all his heart and he really does understand and he wouldnt condemn you for following your concience sweety, if i can help in any way just to talk or anything let me know, send me a private message as i have instant message service and an e mail

  your friend

  nelly :):)
• 

  Shutterbug

  My friend, I am 67 years old and have been around the block a time or two, both outside the JW's and inside. A couple of things I would pass on to you"

  1. It is obvious your wife is a real gem. You strayed and she was compelled to put up with a tremdous amount of pressure from the elders, yet she didn't leave you. Please make any sacrifice you need to make to keep her, you will not find a better one.

  2. Listen when Lady Lee speaks, she knows what she is talking about and can be a big help to both you and your wife.

  3. Feel free to jump on this forum and ask questions at any time. There is a wealth of knowledge contained within the posters here and they are glad to share with someone who needs help.

  3.Your Dad didn't answer when you asked if he would shun you if you left. There may be two reasons for that, the baby you currently have and the one that is coming. This may get interesting.

  4. You didn't say where you are currently living, but if you live in Texas there is help available. Also the Northwest has some very bright folks who would be glad to give you the emotional support you may need.

  Take a deep breath, relax, and considers all sides of these issues, at your own pace. Concentrate on your family and supporting that family.

  Hope I don't sound too much like an elder. The difference is you are not compelled to follow my advice, but it hopefully you will take it in the spirit it was given.

  Bug
• 

  flower

  I am sure you got some pretty great responses (i cant read them all). I just wanted to say that leaving the organization shortly after I had a son was the biggest, hardest and BEST decision I ever could have made.

  You may believe that the organization has the "truth" although I know otherwise and hopefully with some research and reading you will know that too, but the bottom line is this....being raised a witness was a horrible experience for you as it was for me, I could relate very much to the things you felt growing up, and I dont under any circumstances want my son to experience that kind of pain, loneliness, depression and sadness in his life..and I'm sure you dont either.

  As a parent we want our kids to have a happy life. There is no way to be truly happy in the organization. The only logical thing for me was to leave the organization to allow my son a chance at a normal life. Your baby deserves to have joy and happiness. he shouldnt have to stand out in the hall and not have any friends at school. He shouldnt have to be treated as a leper every time he makes a mistake. He should get to go out and play football with the neighborhood kids or to have a crush on a girl or spend his weekend morning watching cartoons.

  When I left I believed I had left the truth and sacrificed my hope for resurrection. I have since learned through reading the societys own publications and looking at their history as well as reading books written about them that what I left was a harmful high control religious organization, not the 'only true religion'.

  Read all the things you are not supposed to read. The reason you arent supposed to read them is not because Satan might trap you but because you might learn the truth about 'the truth'

  flower
• 

  shotgun

  AHHHH..I'm freaking out...No not really...

  Glad you and the wifely unit worked things out and sorry for the extra pain caused by the borg..especially how they treated your wife..or more precisely how they didn't treat her..

  Take care and welcome to the forum
• 

  kelmye9

  You are absolutly right about that. I use to feel the sameway. You sound like you have an open mind and if you are anything like me than your whole life there has been some thing in side that told you there is some thing wrong. Cut and paste this site into your browser window, because worshiping the true God in not supose to feel that way. God is love, he does not shun His people when they need him most. http://members.aol.com/beyondjw/helpout.htm#INTRO
• 

  asleif_dufansdottir

  Shooter~

  Like some of the other posters have said, we'd love to 'meet' your wife - I hope (for your sake) she's as disillusioned with the WT as you are, and your being fed up isn't upsetting to her.

  And, let me just agree with the other poster who said that them telling you that your marriage was "shameful" is evil and generally disgusting.

  I don't know if you feel like you can do it yet at this point in your life, but rather than feel like you have to make excuses to the elders or anyone else about why you aren't at meetings, in service, at conventions and assemblies - I personally would rather just say, "I don't want to any more. I don't have to, and I don't have to answer to you about it! So get off my back!" (of course, parents are different...most of us can't really speak up to our parents so easily unless provoked).
• 

  Rabbit

  Aslief said:

  And, let me just agree with the other poster who said that them telling you that your marriage was "shameful" is evil and generally disgusting.

  Big-Shooter,

  Welcome to JW-D! Keep reading and learning about others experiences...it will give you the strength of numbers...knowing y'all are not by yourselves.

  I recently remarried to a non-jw, after an unscriptural divorce was forced upon me by my now x-wife, a jw. Even tho' I've been fading for a while...I'm shunned now by my family, for marrying "outside the truth."

  And you getting married...be happy. Don't let them take life away from you. Be proud.

  Never Surrender!
• 

  Big Shooter

  You guys are all right... that's just it. I believe in a God that is loving and caring.. would he want us to be like this? Always stressed out? Feeling suffocated? I have held this in my whole life, and I am scared to death that I am even expressing my views here... It reminds me of the Pharisees, who had ridiculous rules, what did Jesus say? He hated it !! Same here.. so many "unwritten" rules, you're never doing good enough, when you reach 10 hrs a month, you should get 20, when you are a regular pioneer, you should be a special pioneer and so on and so on...
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Even at the assemblies, sitting there watching all the model familes!! Its so unrealistic!! They all study, and the kids pretend like its the best thing in the world!!
  
  
  Funny, I feel like an apostate writing all these things...