My Story... please don't freak out on me...

by Big Shooter 108 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  sandy

  Welcome Big S.

  I remember when I first came on this board I was afraid just like you. Finding and becoming actively involved with this board has been best thing I have ever done for myself.

  Everyone hear forced me to use my own mind, to think for myself. They challenged my beliefs. I came on this board saying..... "I know its the truth" then gave my reasons for being here. I was also very judgmental of others on here.

  It wasn't long before I started to "think outside the box". This is exactly what the WT Org fears and it is why they warn their followers to stay away from "apostates". It is how they keep their members from leaving. They are just as guilty as all the other religions they put down for scaring the hell out of its members just to keep them in their fold.

  We were also told by the elders that we shouldn't accept congratulations from people at the hall for getting married, after all it was shameful. Only 2 people ever did congratulate us.. but it was hush hush.

  This is plain evil in my opinion.

  You and your wife did a commendable thing. Facing the challenges that were set before you because of poor judgment was very brave of you two. You were kids and made a common mistake. Maybe if the damn org wasn't so controlling and actually encouraged their members to teach their children about "real life" this might not have even happened. (Not that you regret having your baby)

  These kind of mistakes will continue to happen inside and outside the org., such is life. It takes true character to rise to the challenge and right the wrong that has been done.

  Your child is blessed to have such good role models as you and your wife in their life.

  Come to terms with your decision to leave the org within yourself before letting your family know. I suggest you challenge any nagging doubts you have about the org., do research. At least this is what is helping me.

  The more I learn how deceitful and corrupt the WT Org is, the stronger my belief becomes, that they do not have the "truth".

  I know statements such as these must scare you as they did me and many other at one time but facing our fears makes us stronger.

  Sandy
• 

  Big Shooter

  Thanx for the support zion !! Unfortunately, I am sick and tired of pretending and making everything for show. I am going to be frank and honest about the wrong things I did in the past, and I am not going to pretend I havent screwed up unlike some people !!
• 

  calamityjane

  You've got so much zeal for this board Big Shooter, too bad you didn't use that out in service.

  Everything you say brings back memories of years ago when we left the organization.

  Like my hubby said xjw_b12 "put your wife on". We'd love to hear from her. If she has as much pent up energy as you do this should be fun.

  love

  cj
• 

  Nocturne

  Wow, that's quite alot of stuff you've been through. Every time i read experiences of people who have lived through this org., i get more and more convinced that my current course of action is the right one. It's incredible how much pain and suffereing they have caused people, and it just hurts me to hear about stuff like that.

  I undertand also your feelings of fear of being labeled as an apostate. Since i am still 'active' within the org. i had the same feelings as you did, but they will pass with time. The important thing to realize is they like to label people like 'worldly', 'spiritually weak' or 'apostate', it's a method for them to control people. They label people apostates because those people know the WHOLE truth about the org, and the wt leadership fear these people, because knowledge is power. So they demonize these people so that the R&F jws will be afraid of them, and avoid them, thus preventing the R&F from finding out the whole truth.

  Welcome to the forum, and I hope you stick around here.

  Nocturne.
• 

  Big Shooter

  Thanx Nocturne... I guess I can still be considered semi-active... I just feel like I need the time and space to sort things out without having a million sheperding calls...
• 

  Satanus

  Welcome, Big Shooter

  I just feel like I need the time and space to sort things out without having a million sheperding calls...

  Good idea. Actually, that is a good thing to tell the elders in order stop the shepherding calls. Also, medical reasons, like telling them that you and your wife are nearing emotional breakdown work well too at stopping the shepherding calls. They would probably be less alarmed w those type reasons than other ones.

  Ps, please don't be alarmed, i'm not a full time satan worshipper
• 

  Nosferatu

  Newbie I READ YOU STORIE, AND I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW AND WHY YOU MADE YOUR FIRST MISTAKE, BEEN THERE DONE THAT. BUT MAN!!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING TO GO AND BANG ANOTHER ONE . IF YOU BEGIN TO START HAVING PROBLEMS, THINK ABOUT HOW IT STARTED......

  Woah, Zion! I can completely understand why he would have had an affair. Think about it, the WTS restricts youth from dating or having sex before marriage, thus forcing them to marry at a young age. When you're young, you still have a lot of excitement after experiencing your first time, now what is it like to have sex with a different woman?

  It's a hurtful thing to do, but in my opinion a person shouldn't marry until at least their mid-twenties. Big Shooter didn't have that option. Because of the circumstances in his life, he was pushed into marriage. He's now in a legal contract that brings him and his wife together. Unless he wants to divorce, he needs to put effort into making his marriage work. From the sound of it, he's doing a good job.

  I'm not justifying that it's okay to cheat on your wife, but I can understand why it happens especially when the couple marries young.
• 

  nojudgement

  Big Shooter! - Welcome. I am also a newbie and I was feeling very freaked out on my first post. It's how we were raised. I've only been on this site a few weeks, but it has helped me tremendously. I loved reading all of your realizations that you are coming to about the organization. So many of us feel exactly the same way you are feeling and have for years, yet were too afraid to say anything or question anything. It feels liberating to realize that there are others who share your feelings and that there is nothing wrong with you.

  I also NEVER felt good enough. No matter how much you were doing, they always had a suggestion to "encourage" you to do more. Attend all the meetings, put the average 10 hours in service, study for all your meetings, prepare parts, read the bible daily (as a supplement - to your other study - you shouldn't just be studying for meetings!!!), read all of the magazines, prepare for field service, conduct studies, comment at least 1x (weak) - 2x (respectable) at each meeting, research to add value to your comments, pray when you lie down and when you get up and when you walk about, don't forget discussion of your daily text - HELP ME! I'm choking on theocracy!!!!

  When are you supposed to live your life? Be glad you figured this out at 26! It took me another decade to realize I was living a life to please my parents and ever fiber of my being was rejecting all of it. I love God, I love the bible principals. But forget all the other stuff.....the lack of love, the expectations, and worst of all THE JUDGEMENT!!! Hence my name on this site....NOJUDGEMENT. No more!!! I haven't been to a meeting in 2 years! It's wonderful. I've never been happier in my life. Stay here...keep reading....you'll feel so validated when you read other people's experiences. Thank you VERY MUCH for your courage. You are an encouragement to us here!!!
• 

  talesin

  RIGHT ON

  You have a great attitude ... like a light bulb just got turned on.

  Thanks, it feels good to see someone who is newly enlightened, and sure about their choice!

  That is how I always felt; it took me a long time to figure out the emotions, but I always knew my logic was right. Good for you!

  take care,

  talesin
• 

  Big Shooter

  Well I am definitely ashamed of having an affair.. it was the worst thing I ever did. One thing is for sure, zion sounds like people I know in the hall... That's just it, no matter what you do, its never good enough!! you are there to please people, not God!!! I dont think Jehovah will hold it against you if you miss a meeting to work overtime to support youur family!! but no one else sees it that way.