by WildTurkey 57 Replies latest social humour
"Todays opening song will be , Stairway to Heaven , by led zeppelin."
"Brothers , we don't care if you wear a sport coat and a tie anymore."
" The WTBTS has appologized for it's false and misleading statements ."
" We decided to have a singles dance and buffet ."
" We will no longer be anal and disrespectful over petty details."
"We no longer support child abuse involving people who beat the hell out of their kids during the meetings and have opened a romper room style play facility ."
We have a new contribution box labeled "Contributions for Silentlambs"You look really good with a beard!
"We no longer support child abuse involving people who beat the hell out of their kids during the meetings and have opened a romper room style play facility ."
LMAO !
"ok, does anyone in the audience have any questions THEY'D like to ask?"
"remember after the watchtower study today we have our AA meeting in the second school"
"remember to bring a hearty lunch to the convention next week... you can't live on dried fruits and nuts alone"
"don't bother handing in your reports this month, we're gonna answer to God instead of men for a change"
"in accordance with section 5 of the UN procedure for affiliated NGO's..."
* Sisters your dresses are to long, We need to see some legs if you're gonna answer at the WT study.
* If you go in service, you really need to unbutton that blouse more. How else are we going to get converts
our congregation picnic lands on the easter weekend this year....it will be the biggest egg hunt ever!
young brother smith..your dress and grooming is very... F@#$% SWEET!!
notice the beutifull pictures in this weeks study..dont we appreciate all the effort made to put all these hidden pictures of satan and demons in our articels!!!...(clapping)
'No, honey, you can't go out in field service with him, we don't know him well enough.....'
'All the kids look tired and bored, shall we wrap this meeting up for tonight folks ?'
' All in favour, raise your hands.....'
' Would everyone who's trying to get re-instated; marked individuals, or shunned ones; like to come on to the platform and explain what really happened...?
" You will no longer have to pay upfront for magazines that will be distributed in service."
" The WTBTS has decided since it can justify spending at least a half million dollars on aeroplanes in Alaska that it will now supply minivans for all congregations ."
" We will no longer treat people like cattle to be exploited ."
" We will no longer terrify our young people over demons ."
Elder, making an "announcement" at the end of the Thursday night meeting:
We were going to announce that Bro. & Sister XXX were going to be disfellowshiped tonite...for mutual masturbation... But, we've decided to simply forgive them instead. Recently some scriptures were brought to our attention, John 20:23, "If you forgive the sins of any persons they stand forgiven to them; if you retain any of those persons, they stand retained." And of course, "to freely forgive one another..." Who knew...go figure.
Oh...we also could not find anything in the Bible against masturbation...so from now on...enjoy yourselves brothers & sisters! Love one another !
We've also sent a copy of our decision to the WTS, we know they will understand and support us. To all of the people we've disfellowshiped over the years...we've sent letters of apology and Season Passes to Six Flags. We hope they can find it in their hearts to forgive us.
" I was reading Crisis of Conscience yesterday". "That was a GREAT large gathering!" "That was a great talk about how we're all going to heaven, huh?"
"You're right. There could be a trinity". "I was talking to my disfellowshipped friend yesterday...."
Got a light, Mate?
Englishman.
