This is about out beloved Dansk

by mouthy 606 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  SheilaM

  ((((((((((((Dansk)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Dang sorry about the Chemo....but so happy your sister is back in your life and your daughter....what a blessing
• 

  Dansk

  Well, I've just had four good days with no real discomfort - until this morning. However, as I write this I'm feeling better and reading all your lovely messages is further encouragement.

  I'm still against the chemotherapy but am expected to start treatment next week sometime. However, nothing is definite and I'm still hopeful of avoiding it. The hospital is pushing me into it but I get the impression they are doing it because it seems right for them rather than for me. They cannot offer a cure with chemo, just a delay of the "inevitable". To me, that's not a good enough reason to have one's body poisoned. There are moments when I think, "Bring it on!", as I just don't care. Then, there are other times when I want to stay well away from the stuff. This has got to be amongst the hardest choices I've ever had to make. To add insult to injury, I've now got a urinary infection - which is driving me nuts. Some stinging at the end of urinating. Gosh, I feel like I'm falling apart!

  I had an absolutely wonderful Reiki session last Wednesday with a master. I actually started to see colours, including a really vivid surrounding purple. My own Reiki healer was always asking me if I could see any colours, but this was just mind-blowing. Felt great and I'm in for some more on Saturday. This master teacher said that what is meant to be will be. If I die, I'll be going home. I thought that was a really nice way of putting it. Going home. I like that!

  I'm drinking lots of water re the urinary infection and trying to relax more to take my mind of it, such as reading and watching some old programmes on satellite TV. The old ones are the best

  I telephoned my older daughter, Jody, last Wednesday and we chatted for about ten minutes. Unfortunately, she is still bitter, has the JW-mindset but at least told me she still loved me. I, of course, said likewise. It's a start...........

  I'm really sad to learn, though, that both my daughters are on anti-depressants. At 25 and 20 that is totally unacceptable and I'm being blamed for it. I could do without the anxiety at this time. You and I all know who is really to blame for JWs being on medication - which seems to be increasing - but they just won't have it! The organisation puts so much pressure on its members it's no wonder they rattle with tablets. They're made to feel no matter how much they do it's never enough.

  I'm not about to take the blame for someone else's misdeeds and I feel stronger for it. I stay well away from anything stressful these days.

  Have a really great weekend, everybody! Thanks, again, for all the wonderfully kind thoughts.

  Love,

  Ian
• 

  Sirona

  ((((Ian))))

  I had an absolutely wonderful Reiki session last Wednesday with a master. I actually started to see colours, including a really vivid surrounding purple. My own Reiki healer was always asking me if I could see any colours, but this was just mind-blowing. Felt great and I'm in for some more on Saturday. This master teacher said that what is meant to be will be. If I die, I'll be going home. I thought that was a really nice way of putting it. Going home. I like that!

  Great!! I love it when someone really experiences the Reiki. It must be really helping too.

  About going home - I really do believe that we go back to a wonderfully peaceful and beautiful place, the place we were before we were born.

  I hope your chemo question is answered. Maybe you could meditate on it or use a tool to try and find out what the right path would be for you? The tarot is often useful.

  Anyway, hugs and blessings,

  Sirona
• 

  Special K

  Hi Ian.

  I'm going to look into those books on Buddhism you recommended. Thanks. I've been out of the troof for 12 years now and my mind and heart is starting to ache for something higher than myself to transcend to sometimes.

  I don't think anymore that one has to accept all of something (say buddhism) but just glean all the good from them and keep what makes sense to ones own spirituality. I could be way off base on that but it certainly feels good when I think about things that way.

  When I read your post about Sandra (your sister)

  Sandra told me how much she loved me (she's six years older than I) and that she wished it was she who had the cancer and not me. THAT brought me to tears

  Well, that got me to crying too. Now I'm sopping all over my keyboard.

  Glad that you too have mended that bridge between your sister and yourself.

  I guess it moves me even more so, not only because it is you (((Dansk))) but also because I have been so cut off from my family of origin since being disfellowshipped in 92. Sometimes the longer I am away from my mother and other sibblings the harder it gets to go back to them and ask them what would be the status of our relationship if I started calling or visiting. (Fear of rejection is a big thing)..and the yo-yo ing back and forth as J.W. doctrine. I think I fear the emotional yo yo-ing. Stress of it all I guess.

  Oh well, relationships can be difficult at the best of times even if it's not messed up with the J.W. baloney.

  A wise person once told me that the price we pay to be in any relationship is that the relationship will at times be in turmoil. If we don't want any turmoil in our relationships with other people, .. then we all need to go live a life of a hermit, and a loner.

  I think, most of what she told me is probably very true. What do you think?

  wishing you well (((( Ian )))

  love

  Special K
• 

  morty

  (((((Dansk & Claire)))))

  I have been reading this thread for a few days now, and I have laughed and cryed and laughed and cry...

  You must be so overwhelmed on any given day to know that you have soo much support here...A good feeling I am sure....

  You have always touched me here on the fourm as I dont know if you are aware of this but, you were the first to welcome me here......I have had a soft spot for you ever since......

  Your a fighter, I feel this....You will be with us for a long time and I just wanted you to know, that I am sending you warm thoughts, comfort, and prayers your way.....

  I am taking my family( hubby & kids) to England in 6 or 7 months ( to meet my family) and I am sure that you will be there for me to meet as well....Stay strong my friend so we can have a few pints together....

  Love Morty
• 

  Dansk

  Dear All,

  Your messages mean such a great deal to me and I can't thank you enough. Yesterday was a partcularly emotional day for me, I was in a lot of discomfort. I telephoned my homeopath and Claire picked up a prescription. I've been taking the tablets and am feeling much better this morning. Even went out for a long walk on my own.

  I'd like to thank Ray (Rayzorblade) for the wonderful card he sent me and the beautiful words he wrote. Thank you, Ray. It's a lovely card and it really made me feel good.

  I'm feeling a little weak at the moment, no doubt through yesterday's trying period. Sapped my strength, physically and mentally. Anyway, that's enough of that. I write it here to look back on when I'm completely well again!

  Love to you all.

  Ian
• 

  Sassy

  Dansk/Ian.. if only our posts could give you more than they do. We all love you and pain to see you going through this..

  I am glad you are being smart and not taking on the guilt regarding your daughters 'supposed' reason for needing antidepressents... you are right.. it is the JW mindset.. the WTS that has caused this.. not you..

  Hang in there
• 

  simplesally

  Ian........ your life is an emotional rollercoaster for all of us. I wish this ride would end and you could go over and get on the carousel right about now. Even though you are going thru all this, the thrill of hearing from your children and your sister is wonderful. Oh but the low parts of this ride . I am heartbroken everytime I read what you are going through and heartbroken for your Clair and your children.

  Please, please know you are loved. Don't give up and keep making each moment count!

  Love,

  Kelly
• 

  Dansk

  Thanks again everyone for your continued messages of support.

  At this moment in time, chemotherapy is not an option again. I was badgered into a corner by a registrar and the whole experience made me feel completely unwell. The doctors are pushing chemotherapy but it doesn't work with this disease. What I want is some understanding and respect for my views. I've told the doctors that I appreciate what they are trying to do for me but that I'd like to go down a different route. I want their support but all I'm getting is a "Do this or you're on your own!".
  
  That's a veiled threat and I don't like it. Chemotherapy is all that they have but I've read messages from other MCL sufferers who've had chemotherapy and they're praying for a cure while they're in remission. It's a truly horrible situation to be in and, indeed, one man had the chemo and didn't even go into remission. We're all different, I know, but I'd like to overcome the disease in my own way. I'm not anti medicine, just anti chemo. For some cancers chemotherapy HAS helped, but if anyone reads the literature on MCL the prognosis is poor even with chemotherapy.
  
  I'm not about to quit. I feel happy and healthy. I have my bad days, but often they are around the time of hospital visits, when the doctors make me feel an idiot for not wanting their chemotherapy. My tumour and I are getting along fine together and we both know the score. If my tumour doesn't shrink we'll both be dead!
  
  I think we westerners have lost touch with our true spirituality, something many are trying to locate again, hence the interest in eastern religions and philosophy. If we take the teachings of Jesus they are very much in line with eatern thought. Unfortunately, one cannot legislate for what followers are going to do. Personally, I feel I am back in touch with my spirituality. I judge no one and I love every living creature. That could be another reason I don't want chemo. I don't want to poison or hurt what is good inside me. My tumour is just a bunch of cells that went wrong. Hopefully, they can be corrected to do what is right.
  
  I thank you all for your concern. Believe me, I want to live as much as anyone. I have learnt a lot through my illness, including what is necessary to help one's fellow man. You have all been so kind and most of us haven't even met. That says an awful lot about your own characters. I'm so glad to be amongst such wonderful, caring people.

  Shotgun, it was wonderful of you to telephone again. I enjoyed our chat. Thanks a lot!

  Love to all,

  Ian
• 

  LittleToe

  Hi Ian,

  I'm glad to see that you aren't letting them bully you. Some clinicians can be a bit like that.
  You sound tired, my firend. Don't let the b*st*rds get you down

  Just a point on terminology, though. Remission is the term they give to all cancer sufferers who get better, be it from slightly to totally. Clinicians will never call you "completely cured", they will at best call it "complete remission".

  I loved your comments on spirituality, especially the distinction between "Jesus" and how he is represented by many Western belief systems.