I need some advise (I want to get divorced) (page 3)

nita6368

Leander,

Great advice so far, I just wanted to add my 2 cents . I was the first in my previous marriage to leave, the ex was the first (disfellowshipped) but he went back full speed ahead he couldn't function without them. I left willingly. He cried, bawled and made my life terrible for about 1 year while we were going through the divorce. I would go out he would call my house 27 times and leave crying messages on the answering machine. He was bound and determined we weren't divorcing because of the rules of the cult. Well, guess what , once the divorce was final he dropped me like a hot potato, not only wasn't I the love of his life anymore I wasn't even his friend. He moved in with someone and was married within 3 months of us being divorced. What I'm trying to say is don't get emotionally drained trying to comfort her and ease her through this, if its your decision to leave, then your the one who has to make the decision, everyone else has to accept it, no choice in the matter. I hope I don't sound heartless but you can't help anyone accept anything they don't want to. Good luck to ya!

copsec

Omigosh Nita, your story and mine sound ALOT alike. My ex remarried three months later too after crying and begging me to stay.

roybatty

I feel bad for saying this but I also want to know what it would be like to have a relationship with someone other than my wife.

You should feel bad. That is one of the most pathtic reason for getting a divorce. I can understand the Jw / non-JW thing but wanting to get divorced so you can bang someone else is low.

BeautifulGarbage

You should feel bad. That is one of the most pathtic reason for getting a divorce. I can understand the Jw / non-JW thing but wanting to get divorced so you can bang someone else is low.

Yo Roy! Ease up. Obviously, the JW issue is the deal breaker. He's struggling and that is a side issue. Something that was considered unthinkable when he was a JW and unmarried.

AND, quite frankly, MANY people think the same thing, they just don't admit it to themselves, let alone others.

In my opinion, Leander, unless she leaves The society, or you become a JW again, divorce is inevitable.

roybatty

Yo Roy! Ease up. Obviously, the JW issue is the deal breaker. He's struggling and that is a side issue. Something that was considered unthinkable when he was a JW and unmarried.

Just don't agree with the "hey, do whatever makes you happy at the moment" advice. If he feels the need to get divorced because being married to a JW is impossible (and all the baggage that comes with it is too much), that's fine in my book. Wanting to get divorced because you want to stick your sausage in a new bun, well, I just think he'll regret it later.

Speaking from experience, there's a lot more to consider then oneself when decided to stay married or not.

HappyDad

Leander,

My thoughts are with you as you sort this out but I have to agree with those who say "go to a counselor".

Years ago......when I was engrossed in the "truth" , I would still fantacize about leaving and what it would be like to be with the girlfriend I let go for this religion. Even though I was married and happy......those thoughts still came up.

When my wife died in 1996 I had grief of course........but then I thought that now.. I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I always wanted to do. Soooooo......I started down the road to fullfilling my dreams.......flying......skydiving (I chickened out)......white water rafting........my beautiful Harley Davidson (which was totaled last October).......but when I had to come home to an empty house at the end of every day.........the sadness of it all came home.

Me.......I'd trade all my dreams that came true for the love of a good woman......someone I could love and cherish........someone that was first my friend.........then my lover.........then my life partner. That is a dream that I have put in the back of my mind for a long time because it wasn't happening. Will that ever happen? I don't know! But I still love God and I know he loves me. He isn't the God of vengeance that the WT pushes and I'm sorry to all that I pushed him on as an elder. I might have left the WT but will never run away from God.

All I can tell you is that if you really love her............TRY to get it worked out! Maybe it WON'T work now that the house is religiously divided..........but at least try!

Sometimes that greEn grass on the other side of the fence is artificial turf.

HappyDad (Bill)

Mary

Carmel said: The grass on the other side of the fence ain't as green as your hormones are telling you! Get a grip and go see a councellor.

I'd say this is what my opinion would be too......man, if you LOVE your wife and would still DIE for her, then for god's sake, don't divorce her!! Yes your social life might be somewhat limited, but believe me there could be a lot worse things going on. You say you want to travel and do other things........so why not do them with your wife??

I'm still single (jes waitin' for Brad Pitt to leave Jen ) and believe me, being alone is not all it's cracked up to be. You say you don't want to go see a councellor...........may I ask why not? I know alot of Witnesses who get married at 18 or 19 start thinking in their early 30s "gee, I wish I had've done this or that" and yes there is regret, but guess what? "Worldly" people have regrets too. And thinking about having sex with other women is a pretty lame reason for wanting a divorce if you ask me---especially if you love your wife.

Have you ever tried talking to your wife as to why you don't believe this is "the Truth" anymore?

BeautifulGarbage

Well, I'm not of the "do whatever you want to make you happy either".

Sheesh! Makes me wonder if some of you read the WHOLE post. The guy stated he wants to have children and doesn't want them in the JW religion. His wife is a fervent JW. Sounds like the making of a war zone, and I, quite frankly, wouldn't want innocents caught in the middle. And, even though they could make an "agreement" on how the children are raised, how many times have we read about when the kids actually come, the JW parent makes a 180.

It's very apparent that Leander loves his wife dearly. However, love does not overcome all.

I'm not advocating divorce, but those other issue are very important and have to be seriously considered.

LittleToe

Seeing some of the judgementalism reminds me why I didn't post about my separation for over six months.

Having personal standards is one thing, but judging others by them sux, IMHO.

LT of the "glad he also never had kids" class

BeautifulGarbage

Just another thing...

I also think, Leander, that you need to seek professional help to insure that you make the best choices for your situation. Regardless of what anyone posts here.

Either way, each choice is a risk, and there will be deep regrets whichever way you go, as I am sure there already are now.

I need some advise (I want to get divorced)

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