Hey, Gumsofty!
Only kiddin'! This is your year's project on the DB, isn't it? You had a thread not too long ago basically about this same thing, if I remember correctly. This happens to be one of my MAJOR concerns also, as I grew up in a very unstable home, where my dad was the ticking time bomb emotionally, and we never knew when he'd be in a good mood, full of fun and affection, or full of rage and destructive fury. So, if affection was shown, it was rare. Fast forward twenty some odd years and you have a young woman, desperately wanting to leave her abusive home life and ready to marry any half way decent young man who showed a minimal interest and affection to her. June 9, 1979 I was married to such a young man, even tho in my inner soul, I knew this relationship was not what I truly wanted. However, with the optimism of the young and inexperienced, I reasoned that with time, we could work on the things that needed to be worked on, and grow closer together, as our life together progressed. Fast forward twenty years later, to the day, June 9, 2001..........a judge is legally pronouncing that the marriage is over. If I had to point to one thing that I needed most of all in that marriage, it was the showing of affection, that natural comfortableness and loving closeness that happens with two loving, truly connected people when it's working the way it's supposed to! LOL! What I've learned from these personal experiences is how important and intrinsic both physical and emotional affection and connection is needed by myself. For many years, I thought that maybe I was just an extremely "needy" individual and that my expectations of a relationship were just too high. Actually, for many years, I vacillated between blaming myself and blaming him. Today, now that the hurt has subsided, and I've gone on to interact with others in various levels of relationship, and experienced life and love, I can look at it from a "clinically dispassionate" level. He came from a home that was pretty much devoid of physical expressions of affection and love, i.e. hugs, kisses. Add to that the continual break up and rejoining of his parents, and the eventual divorce they obtained, and that his mom was the "bar fly" type who didn't have time to interact with her son, and later after they divorced, a father who worked full time and then would go out and party, and you have a young man who never received or learned how to show affection on a personal level. But. And this is a big but. My come back always was and is "so, you never learned how...........start learning now." My attitude is, if it really matters to you, if it's really important to you, then you will take the steps needed to learn and embrace and practice it. So, what stops alot of people from doing this? FEAR. And, we all can make a list of all the fears involved. Fear produces an absence of growth in our lives. It keeps us stunted. And, if allowed to grow, it will result in the death of our inner person. Thank God/dess I was able to walk thru the pain and the fear and start a new life for myself. And, what's even more exciting is, I have no special ability. We can all do the same thing, at any point in time in our lives. As one of my favorite fictional characters often said: "today is a fresh new day with no mistakes in it." I try to live my life today, with optimism and hope.
Ter
