I could REALLY use some help right now....

by babygrl4903 74 Replies latest jw experiences

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  SheilaM

  BabyGrl: I married a boy that was a JW (we were both 19). I had to to listen to the JW's tell me how evil my Mother and family were due to them not being dubs. His family NEVER EVER EVER excepted me..I tried to walk on water for them but no dice. Now I wish I had just stayed out of the religion, I KNOW Thunder (my husband) would have excepted me as I was, I didn't need to become a dub..in fact I could have pulled him out much sooner that way

  IF he truly loves you he will not expect you to change....hold your ground. This is a test of how much he loves you. See if you leave your family (which you will have to do) you will begin to resent him forever. If he leaves his it will be THEIR choice to see him or not..not his. Just stay strong...it sucks believe me.

  We've been married 20 years so hey ...what can I say it was worth it in so many ways
• 

  Sunspot

  Hi Babygirl, and welcome.

  I feel so bad for you having to be put in this position and at relatively such a young age. As teens, we are going through SO many changes, both emotionally and physically. I can safely say that this ISN'T the time to make life-long decisions that will change your lifestyle forever. You are at the thresh hold of your life and have plenty of time to learn and experience the things that will come your way.

  Becoming a JW isn't like the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist, or a Catholic and an Episcopalian----it is a whole different set of teachings and beliefs that go contrary to ANY other religion and once you committ to it---you're there forever! No one leaves quietly and simply. IF you have a change of heart or discover for yourself ALL the deliberate lies and deception that IS the Watchtower Society---then all the friends and family who are JWs will shun you and never have anything to do with you unless you go back to JW beliefs.

  The Society rules every part of your life---from where you go, who you can speak to, what movies you can see, what music you can listen to, and even right down to what kind of sexual practices they approve of.

  It's a hideous and dangerous cult and I speak from experience---I was a sister for 30 years, and raised 5 children and a grandchild that we took in---in a religion that didn't allow Birthday parties, or Christmas, or Easter, or ANY holiday that others enjoy. They couldn't join the scouts or pariticipate in any after-school activities, they weren't allowed to go to the Pep rallies in school. Of course there was no Prom either.....so this is what the kiddies look forward to.....nothing but endless meetings and field service.

  Even as much as I've written here---this is only a small idea of all that you will encounter. They will intrduce and indoctrinate you slowly so it doesn't "seem so bad" but it IS a total upheaval in any prior beliefs and a loss of many more activities that you've been used to.

  You BF sounds like a very nice guy and this WILL be rocky for you both---because his family will NOT approve of you until you become a JW because they are taught that's what God wants.

  If you are studying, and decide this isn't for you, then you have to be prepared to face the consequences of their disapproval. It will be hard, especially when a BF is involved and torn apart as well. I wish you the best on whatever you decide to do...

  Please let us know what develops and what's going on.

  hugs

  Annie
• 

  Elsewhere

  while I may not agree with every asspect of it, it can't be that bad...right?

  Yes, it can be that bad and worst.

  The WTS does not tollorate indipendent thought regarding religion. You MUST accept EVERYTHING they teach, or face public sanctions, marking, and shunning.

  http://quotes.watchtower.ca/verify_not.htm

  Watchtower 1986 April 1 pp.30-31 Questions From Readers Approved association with Jehovah's Witnesses requires accepting the entire range of the true teachings of the Bible, including those Scriptural beliefs that are unique to Jehovah's Witnesses
• 

  babygrl4903

  Yeah, I can tell how strict they seem to be about certain things but I mean my boyfriend doesn't agree with everything either. there have been times when I have been talking to him and he has admitted to not agreeing with a few things. And thats actually a point I have brought to him in the past. And he told me that i can have my own opinions and that just coz he is a JW doesn't mean he doesn't have his own mind and his own feelings. He said that they don't control his opinions or his mind coz he is still his own person. I don't know how vocal he can be about those opinions though...
• 

  jgnat

  Hi, babygirl. I am a non-JW married to a Jehovah?s Witness out of love. After investigating the Watchtower Society?s doctrines and history thoroughly, I decided not to convert. It is true that having religious differences complicates a marriage.

  After reading your long post, I get the impression you want some reassurance that your plans will work out, that you are not that interested in posts where people will tell you to leave the young man whom you love deeply, and that the Watchtower society is not as bad as some have painted it.

  I do hope you take my comments with maturity, because your whole post screams young-girl-love. You are full of hope and promise, and everything seems possible. This tiny little problem surely can be overcome because of the great love the two of you share after a year and four months. Here?s a hint. Old-girl-love is all about self-protection. Old girls been burned a few times, and tend to check the underside of their relationships for potential disaster. Old girls know that they can fall in love more than once in a lifetime.

  I won?t tell you how to live your life, but I will try to give you a few pointers as you check out your boyfriend?s religion:

  • It is true that there are a lot of myths and misconceptions about the Jehovah?s Witnesses. Don?t believe everything people say about them, check it out for yourself.
  • Early on in your study, you will be told to expect ?opposition? from the ?world? for choosing to check out their religion. This is a typical cultic ploy to make you dismiss any genuine concern you may hear from family, friends, or the internet.
  • There are a lot of myths and misconceptions about other churches in the JW literature, especially the Catholic church. Don?t take your boyfriend?s mother?s word for it when she criticizes the church you were raised in. Check it out for yourself.
  • You remember many of the forms and traditions of your childhood religion, but it sounds like you are at the stage that you want more. This might be an excellent time to research and understand the foundation of your own faith.

  The NWT and the Catholic bible are fairly similar, though there are modern translations in common English that I prefer. The NWT is fairly accurate, except where the original manuscripts conflict with JW doctrines. For instance, check out Hebrews 1:6. What is the difference between obeisance and worship?

  Here are some sites to help you in your personal research:

  http://www.apologeticsindex.org/j02.html

  A little bit about the foundation of your faith:

  http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/11049a.htm

  True, the Kingdom Hall is ordinary looking, if fairly dull. And it is nice that your young man has a mind of his own. Why is he so afraid to speak his mind with his family and friends? Why is he ashamed of you?
• 

  babygrl4903

  Jgnat,

  Thanks for the imput and your right. I am looking for comfort and someone to tell me that this isn't really that bad and that JW's are not as bad as people say. Its not that he is ashamed of me. There have been a few times in which he has actually had mature convos with his mom about me. he tells her that he loves me and even though we are young and it may sound stupid, that he can see a future with me. she says that she doesn't think it sounds stupid and that she understands. shes even told him that she likes me (from that one time we met) her only problem is the fact that she believes our relationship is wrong coz of the religious differences. so, he isn't afraid to really speak up on his feelings coz he has done it before. he just doesn't present them in ways that will cause controversy. he does it at times when he is having a serious talk with either his mom or with his friends that didn't approve. he has said it to them before too.
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  Babygirl? Yanno how your b/friend's family and friends don't allow him to associate with anyone outside their religion? That's what'll happen to you if you allow them to seduce you into joining.....you won't even be allowed to associate with your own family members. And that's just for starters.....you'll no longer be able to use your own thoughts to conduct your life....you must use only WTS (Watchtower Society) thinking....from their publications and magazines....It'll kinda be like Steppford....and being a Steppford wife....with the "meds" replaced by meeting attendance, book studies and field service. And you must be in total submission to your husband. These are the facts. No birthdays, no Christmas, no holidays at all....no voting, very little on television is "approved" by the society....and most music and videos aren't "approved" either.....however....meeting attendance, book studies and field service ARE approved....sound like something you wanna do?

  Frannie B (of the "been there, done that for 20 yrs class")
• 

  Elsewhere

  Yeah, I can tell how strict they seem to be about certain things but I mean my boyfriend doesn't agree with everything either. there have been times when I have been talking to him and he has admitted to not agreeing with a few things. And thats actually a point I have brought to him in the past. And he told me that i can have my own opinions and that just coz he is a JW doesn't mean he doesn't have his own mind and his own feelings. He said that they don't control his opinions or his mind coz he is still his own person. I don't know how vocal he can be about those opinions though...

  I'll let the WT speak for itself...

  *** Watchtower 2001 August 1 How to Make Your Advancement Manifest ***
  8 First, since "oneness" is to be observed, a mature Christian must be in unity and full harmony with fellow believers as far as faith and knowledge are concerned. He does not advocate or insist on personal opinions or harbor private ideas when it comes to Bible understanding. Rather, he has complete confidence in the truth as it is revealed by Jehovah God through his Son, Jesus Christ, and "the faithful and discreet slave."

  He could be DFed and shunned if what he said got back to the elders. By definition, he is an apostate at his own admission.

  No matter how much they try to deny it, the WTS is a mind control religion.
• 

  frenchbabyface

  Welcome BBG4903 !!! ... stay aware anyway
• 

  kls

  Look pretty soon with all the information you are going to get from so many here the best thing for you to do is research. Do lot's of research and write down any questions you have and i know all here will answer them for you with proof. Until you see and read for yourself what the JW 's so called religion is all about you will not understand what they are . It may be a good idea for your parent's to look at the info , that you find, i think they are pretty clueless as to their teachings.