Sexual Harassment (page 15)

Sunnygal41

I don't tend to try to draw attention to the kilt Jokes about it are deflected, and I don't usually engage in too much banter while I play the fiddle.

Toe, you said hypothetical, not personal. My comment was not aimed personally at you or this situation. It was just something that popped into MY head.........and I posted it as a hypothetical scenario or explanation of what might possibly be the extenuating circumstances going on with the perpetrator's thoughts..........

especially if it was publically made clear that certain attention was unwanted.

I agree. If the entertainer had made it clear that he was there JUST to play the fiddle and his dress was not open to a joking situation. But, again, people who are NOT drunk or otherwise impaired shouldn't have a problem reacting appropriately to a situation. I apologize for not stating that strongly enough before. Again, drunkeness causes some people to do inappropriate things. Not all, some. And, reiterating my agreement with what Six said: get your shit together before you drink or smoke. Know thy limits, I add.

Would you mind elaborating on the situation with your counsellor?
(if it's not too personal, and you feel it might be helpful)

No problem at all. My BF has a serious drinking problem. He has drank from the age of 10, as well as been a product of the 70's drug experimentation generation........he has done every drug available. He is now a very hardened addict. He is presently in jail for four months for a DUI wherein he smashed into another car and actually put it on its side. THANK THE UNIVERSE, no one was injured. They all were brought to the local hospital and pronouced unharmed. He also had insurance and was able to make material remuneration to the parties involved. So far, they haven't brought a suit against him, which is a miracle in itself. In some ways, I hope they keep the suit open.......sometimes injuries don't show up til a few years have passed. Sorry, I digressed a bit. Anyhow, about a year and a half ago, Dean and I were split up and I was seeing a Shamanic/Gestalt /healer/therapist for depression, and talk therapy. From the very start, she had such opposing ideas from who I was, that the therapy sessions usually ended with me leaving feeling extremely unsettled and confused. I tell you this, to let you know that when I say that I see her point she made by the comment she made, that it's not because I felt a supportive, friendly attachment to her. She rubbed me the absolute wrong way from the very beginning. The first session she had me in tears. Eventually, after about 5 or 6 months, I decided that I had reached my maximum toleration with her sessions and I ended my therapy with her. However, as time has gone on, I have found many times where her teachings and comments have come into my consciousness and I feel on some level she had a good effect on me. I now can see her reasoning, and can see it does apply to me. The session I referred to briefly was about my perception that if a person is struggling with their demons, then it is wrong to have negative feedback towards them. I viewed it at the time as subjecting a tender, new root to harsh conditions, where it would be smashed before it could develop a tough skin and tenacious hold. However, my understanding of her comments today, that perhaps he needed to hear and his coworkers and others needed to say the things that were said and the situation needed to play out how it played out, are no longer perceived to me as unkind, cruel and destructive. What I see now is that we all have to contribute our energy to a situation and that it will play out for the best for all. Now, that said, Ross. Maybe you need to really tell us how you FEEL about what happened, instead of trying to intellectualize it. I haven't read a single comment where you expressed your feelings. Maybe that is what this is really all about? FEELINGS of outrage and disgust or of violation that you want to express and you don't feel safe doing that, so you are intellectualizing it all and letting us all support that, so you don't have to come out and be vulnerable about it? (Sunny, ducking and running, cuz she probably really put her foot in her mouth up to the ankle!) Love ya, Ross. Terri

Sunnygal41

I have been places where people think just because they are drinking they can do anything and that because they are drunk they think it is appropriate.

The point is, Sheila, that SOME people go beyond being able to think coherently........all ya gotta do is see ONE episode of COPS to see that people do asinine, totally inappropriate things while under the influence. Heard of blackout drinking? I was skeptical, myself, at first experience of someone telling me they didn't remember a thing about the incident, til I had a blackout experience myself. So, to stress it again, as well as that others such as you, and Six and others on this thread have said: KNOW YOUR LIMITS. If you know that you are going to black out and lose control, and hurt someone, then you have serious issues and need to work on them. Own responsibility of your life and think of others, too, not just yourself. Terri

fifi

About the kilt: having Scots family, my husband (French) once tried wearing a relative's kilt and assured me that it was "nice and airy". However, I would think it rude of either men or women to ask such as question - drunk or not.

Scully

The best definition of sexual harassment that I've ever encountered is that it is "in the eyes of the recipient".

If it makes you uncomfortable, if it feels like sexual harassment to you, then that's what it is. It doesn't matter that the person "didn't mean it that way", or "was only joking around". Once you've told them to stop it, and they do not stop immediately, you certainly have every right to call attention to their behaviour and embarrass them right back.

I love seeing nice looking men wearing kilts, it's quite a common sight around here when we have parades and other special events. I wouldn't dream of touching without permission though - not even in fun.

Love, Scully

SixofNine

And you ladies thought the mirrors on my shoes were for you.

SheilaM

Sunny: If you read the rest of my post I said that...

SheilaM

Thanks Mulan..too bad I had to learn the hardway from my siblings disgusting behavior.

The only thing Thunder does if he drinks too much is give "I love you all speeches" and hugging the toilet...ROFLMAO Now Valis has sexually harrassed him I saw itpinches on the butt ....it was horrible

Special K

hahahahha sheilam

The only thing Thunder does if he drinks too much is give "I love you all speeches" and hugging the toilet...ROFLMAO

Ahhh the returned affection of a cold porcelin. lol

very,very funny girl lol

SK

Sunnygal41

I have been places where people think just because they are drinking they can do anything and that because they are drunk they think it is appropriate.

I was responding specifically to this sentence, Sheila. In my experience, some people just have poor judgement or awareness of their limits and then they are drunk and doing stupid things that they don't plan on doing. In my mind, there is a difference between going someplace and planning on getting drunk and acting out........that is premeditated. I thought that was what you meant..........I apologize for my misunderstanding.

Sexual Harassment

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