I am new and scared

franki

I am terrified to be writing this because I am officially being bad. I am talking with other "sinners". I do not want to be a witness. I am leading a seriously double life though. My dad is a po and has no idea i should be disfellowshipped. All of my whole extended family are in the truth. Many are pioneers. All of my "friends" are witnesses.

My religion however is more of a new age religion but I cannot fight what I have had drilled in my brain for 18 years. I live with my boyfriend. Most of the reason I stay with him is because he accepts me for me. I celebrate all the holidays. I listen to bad music. I dd not think there will be armageddon.

But I still love my family. I love to see them but whenever I come home from visiting I just want to kill myself. My older 2 siblings are not in the truth which is a huge relief. But I still have 2 siblings who love me to death and want me to come back. I do not know what to do.I do not know if I should tell my parents so I do not have to pretend. Should I go back to the 'truth' and know I am not being true to myself but still have lots of family and love.I have serious issues and need help!!!! Thank you. Thank you

bebu

Well, maybe I'll be the first to welcome you, and I wonder if it might comfort you to know that NOT all posters here are ex-JWs. I have never been one, nor even attended a Kingdom Hall. So please, no false guilt over me. I have a dear JW friend who comes to visit at least once a week. (But I will be echoing a lot of the same questions and advice and perspectives of many here who HAVE passed thru a period of being a JW. So, conversations with any of us won't make much difference anyway!)

So... Franki, WELCOME to the board! Grab a cup of coffee! And, remember the verse that says:

PR 18:17 The first to present his case seems right,
till another comes forward and questions him.

Being wise (according to the Bible) is what saves your life.

bebu

hemp lover

Welcome, Franki. Are you officially being bad or are you officially being human? Are you baptized?

Mystery

Welcome to the board franki!

All of us were more than likely "scared" of losing something when leaving the organization. A lot of us have come a long way after taking that first step. For the most part you will recieve support here. We won't tell you what to do, but we will listen to you, let you vent and hopefully be able to answer questions you may have.

My only advice - be true to yourself.

Deborah

IP_SEC

Hey franki

Welcome to this board! You made a good choice coming here. A month ago I was just like you- scared. This place has helped me a lot. Hope it helps you too.

IPSec

Seeking Knowledge

Welcome Franki...that first step is a doozy but you'll find lots of support & information here. You're not being bad, you're being human, and no one has the right to take that away from you.

I'm not a JW either...but I can relate to most of your fears.

Stick around & enjoy yourself!

SK

hubert

Dear Franki, It sounds to me like you have 4 siblings.. I have heard from someone on this forum that "If you have children, then suicide is not an option". Please keep that at the forefront of your mind. The rest , yu can work on, a little at a time, with the help of people in this forum. I can't give you any more advice, except stick around, and read some of these post from these good, honest people, and it will help you to deal with your porblems. I'm sure you will get much advice from people that have similar problems as yours. Don't be scared, just be happy that you found this forum, and take advantage of all the help you will recieve on it.

Welcome to the board, Franki.

Hubert

outoftheorg

Hi Franki.

I know a little about how you are feeling. It will be a difficult time in your life. Try to calm down and just do not shower your folks with all your doubts and feelings.

They will have a hard time adopting to your newly displayed thoughts and questions.

This forum is full of people who have lived what you are going through now and all of them will be helpful.

There are a few hard cases here but most are very understanding.

Stick around, ask any question you want and vent your fears or anger any time you want.

It amazed me at how much I learned about the watchtower society that I had never known.

Especially since I was raised in this belief and in it for about 45+ years and at one time an elder.

Nice to have you here.

Outoftheorg

franklin J

hi franki, welcome aboard

personally, I hear the concern in your post; but based on my experiences I can tell you it will all dissipate on its own.

First; go find a counselor to help you thru this; you should not have to do it alone. There is no need for anyone to know you are posting here. But you need to talk to someone face to face about the issues plagueing you.

continue to post here for support and encouragement.

Frank

iiz2cool

Welcome Franki!

You don't sound so "bad" to me. You sound like a normal person who wants to live a normal life.

Nothing bad about that.

Walter

I am new and scared

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