I am new and scared (page 5)

Kenneson

Franki,

Welcome! You're amongst friends. The fear will go away in time.

Hi Franki, I hope you'll take the time and give yourself a break as the energy that we bring to the forum from being in the Kingdom Hall is like no other energy on the planet, good, bad and or indifferent.

You are among a loving and caring population of people, many with issues, such as we had while still in the Hall, but we are better as we have gotten thru some of the grit and the grime of several core issues that have haunted many of us.

I think in 6 months you'll feel more at ease with us and yourself, as you come to realise that we are just human, first, and you can go from there. I've said too much as it is but please look around and make yourself comfortable. You may be able to find a greater love here, than you would have ever had while in the Kingdom Hall.

Love here comes at expense of no one but ourselves, it's given freely however to those who truly need it.

indispair

Hi Franki!

I am also new to this forum. I have been disfellowshipped for 13 years and only the last 6 have my still believing mother and sisters begun talking to me and even now it is limited. I have something they want now, my own two children and a wonderful husband. I am 30 years old and never even thought on my own to look up any information on what the JW's are really about. I can not convince my mom of any of it and all the information is a bit overwhelming.

I can tell you that you will feel so much better because you are being true to yourself to tell your family where you are at now. So many witnesses have sinned, been disfellowshipped and have repented and returned later. The thing that makes you so much better is that you are willing to be honest about what you are doing. You have to remember that if it is the elders that are directed by God and it is the elders who do the disfellowshipping, then isn't it fair to say, you could eliminate the elders and talk to God directly yourself. He is the only one that matters, and the only one in the end you will be answering to.

The hardest thing I have been trying to free my mind of is that Jehovah God is a just God but he is also a merciful God. The whole thing about religion is that it is based on faith. So no one truly knows what the end will hold. And how do you know that the elder who is disfellowshipping you is not secretly a pedifile as you do not "have God' s holy spirit". You don't. So, only God can read our hearts.

Jesus said to the prostitue "Go and sin no more" There is nothing after that saying or you will die. He knew she could possibly sin again. The whole point is to try and make your life as pleasing to God as an imperfect person can. Ask forgiveness, pray, pray, pray. I was even told if I prayed, the demons would be answering my prayers. My only question to that is, then why have I found this sight and why is my pain ending, and why am I getting some peace finally? The road to everlasting life is narrow and cramped and few will be on it. Do you know how man JW's there are? Most of them are not going to make it either according to their teachings. Just do your best and as the bible speaks of many times, keep your life simple and regard Jehovah's laws as something to guide you to a better life not scare you into a terrible one.

Love and Laughter,

Indispair - I guess I need a new name

Emiliano

Hopefully you will be almost recovered when you stop visitng this site. The sign that you are healing is the less and less this all matters to you.

Just think of it as any relationship that has gone wrong. The less you need to think of it the better you are doing. You may find that at first you cant stop visiting this site. But as this becomes less of an issue to you the less you will need the support of this site. In the mean time welcome and speedy recovery!

fairchild

Hi Franki, welcome to the forum. Don't be afraid, worry about one day at the time. Don't tell anyone you are posting here. However, we are not 'sinners'. Most of us are just people who have looked further than the watchtower, and found truths that had been hidden from us.

If you don't want to be a JW, I'd suggest, don't pretend or lead a double life. As one of the above posters mentioned, it only leads to stress. Someone asked the question if you are baptized.. this is an important question, because if you are not baptized, then there should be no reason for your family to shun you, even if you don't want to be a JW.

Good luck, Franki, and hugs to you.

rebel8

I love to see them but whenever I come home from visiting I just want to kill myself.

Franki, I can't even comment on the rest of your post, because I fear for your safety. Please tell us more about wanting to kill yourself. Resolving your suicidal feelings is your #1 priority and needs to be addressed before you can delve into all the other issues.

Sunnygal41

Hi, Franki, welcome to the board. You've come to a very supportive place. My best advice is to take things slow and take baby steps with this decision.........follow your heart as you have been doing, and let it tell you when the right time is to do what must be done. Meanwhile, there are many people here to gain strength and knowledge from.......and good friendships. Terri

the bandersnatch esq.

I left the organisation when I was 19, and in a similar situation my 2 older siblings were not Witnesses. Welcome to the boards, and if you ever need to chat just PM me and I'll give whatever advice you need. Or if you don't need any, then an ear.
Good luck with things.

seattleniceguy

Hello and welcome, franki!

I haven't read the three pages of replies you've gotten, so forgive me if I repeat what someone else has already said, but I notice that you characterize your behavior as "bad" a lot. Just because something has been drilled into you does not mean that it is true. Take some time to think about what constitutes good and bad, and take stock of what you think about morality.

For example, most people agree that stealing is bad. But why? Is it bad simply because the Bible says it is bad? Is that the only reason? Surely there is a stronger reason than that. Maybe it's because society does not function well without security for personal belongings. Maybe it's because no one would want to live in a world in which your stuff could be taken at any time. Clearly, there is an advantage to having a general consensus that stealing is bad. It makes the world a better place.

But how about missing meetings? Is that bad? What qualifies it is bad? What about getting educated? Who says these things are bad? Follow the conclusions down to the primary level and think about whether they are based on valid assumptions. I'm willing to bet that you're not as bad as you think you are.

If I raised you up believing that showing your toes was a sign of great immodesty and that no toe-showers would inherit everlasting life, you would probably have great apprehension about wearing sandals. But it doesn't mean that there's actually anything wrong with toes. It's just some made-up rule. JWs have a lot of things like that. It takes time to get over it. But you can do it!

Hope you stick around for a while and learn a lot!

SNG

I am new and scared

frenchbabyface