Welcome Franki. I know about the fear. It is a very scary situation for you to be in -- I know, I was there when I was 18. My dad was the PO when I left the house, moved in with my boyfriend and got DF'd. At the time, I thought my life was over. I had no contact with family or friends and it was shocking to me (at the time).
Just the fact that you know now that this religion is not right for you says a lot about you. Living a double life is not good either -- but you need to do what you can in order for you to cope. Someone said that counseling may help you and I agree.
Hang in there and keep visiting this site -- you will find much encouragement.
I was scared too. I read the posts on this forum for 4 years before posting - I was afraid someone would capture my IP address and nail me. My advice - keep reading - anything, everything you can, and the scales WILL fall from your eyes. That clarity will also give you courage - congratulations on finding this place, I don't know what I would have done without this forum.
I drifted away about 5 or 6 years ago and have only actually begun to search for information and a new relationship with God.
When I left it was a gradual process until I finally got to the point that I realized a few things. I have a right to live MY life the way I choose. I do not have to answer to any elders or organized manmade religion. I do not have to play by their rules and let them know my personal business or cater to comittee meetings or elders. I do not have to disassociate myself. I am merely choosing not to be in their religion. So sue me! It's MY life and I have a right to live it in privacy.
I also realized that the people who truly love me and are my friends and family would have to choose whether or not they want to love ME unconditionally. You are not leaving them. You are leaving their religion. You are choosing your life and the way you want to live it. So you've decided you no longer want to be a JW. That's your God given right. You must worship God the way you feel he should be worshipped. Not the way someone else feels he should be worshipped. They are the ones who will be leaving you. They are the ones who will have to live with their choice to either show you love or show you hatred. Which do you think is God's preference? Remember that God is merciful and so should his people be. If they are truly your friends they will love and support you. If they are not, you are better off without them.
I am terrified to be writing this because I am officially being bad. I am talking with other "sinners".
Hello and welcome, Franki!
According to the WTS you're "officially being bad". So who cares? (grin)
Remember that scripture that says something like "why should I be afraid. What can MAN do to me?" You have already admitted that you don't give a fig what the WTS says, if you are leading a double life. THEY are only made up of delusional men who are trying to live ALL the JWs lives FOR them with all their rules, regulations and policies. So don't be afraid of them---or anyone who follows them. The entire group of men who issue all the orders to be obeyed.....are very low on the food chain.(Feel better yet? :o)
Don't forget that Jesus talked with sinners too! I don't have the exact figures, but I imagine that 98% of the folks that post on this board have all *been* JWs or have mates that are. You are among those who can truly understand where you're coming from, and this is a pretty nice bunch!
welcome to the board franki! You are in a tough spot.. I think the most important thing is to do things for yourself. We weren't taught that as JWs. We lived for everyone but ourselves. but we need to be real. Other wise we are living a lie.
Most of us here have made some tough decisions, some which ended up causing us to lose our loved ones.. but what might be the right answer for me, or someone else, might not be the answer for you.. but we are here for you
Hi Franki...it is only natural to be scared, especially at the tender age of 18, to make a change in the only life you've ever known. My husband and I were involved with the JW's for over 4 decades and we had to leave...to save our sanity, our love for humanity and to stay true to ourselves and our consciences. It was a HUGE decision and we have had to live through some very trying times, as have most if not all on this forum. I lost my mom, sister & brother due to shunning. But I don't feel that we are "bad" people. I actually feel pity for those who are still in the "truth". They do not know the meaning of UNCONDITIONAL love.
Please don't beat yourself up and think you're a bad person. You are not a bad person. You are a CONFUSED person...and there is a huge difference there. Read through many of the posts on this forum and it will give you the courage you need to make the decision to possibly (and hopefully) leave the JW's and no longer be beating yourself up over living a double life.
The JW beliefs have been so ingrained in all of us that it is hard not to feel guilty when we choose to leave and lead a life on our own terms, without "BIG BROTHER" telling us what is right and wrong. That is why we have a conscience. That is why there is such a thing as free will. Hold your head up and do what YOU think is right...the consequences may be harsh, because the Watchtower org. is a harsh org. But in the end, I promise you, you will feel better about yourself and those you choose to love and who love you unconditionally.
First of all, don't think you need to tackle all this in a short time. If you play your cards right you can make things easier and still exit this organisation.Think it out and listen to sound advise from others here. Don't let this organisation take away your self worth either like they have done to countless thoussands by stripping them of their identity by doing all their thinking for them and demanding what they believe.
Stick around here awhile and keep asking questions.....we'll help
Sorry you are going through such anxiety. Most people here have had similiar experiences. It takes a while to remove yourself from the Org especially if you were raised in it, as the programming and conditioning is deep. Once you find out that the JW religion is a cult and how you have been manipulated by it all these years it helps to disconnect, but it is still not easy. Seek out people who offer their un-conditional love and support you for the person you are. If you can get some therapy that is good too. Find a therapist that has had experience with those exiting from cults. It is a process, but there are a lot of people here who understand and would like to help. I have been visiting this board for a year now, partly because I like the people here, partly because they are the only ones who truly understand the situation. I also want to be here to offer support to those who are in the middle of situations such as you are. Any advice I can give that can ease someones pain is well worth the time and effort. I was a JW for 20 years of my adult life, so I can relate to much of it. Lots of people here were also raised as JWs. It was also comforting to know that many thousands are leaving the Org each year--whole families and many of them end up here and on other support boards (why the WT doesn't want it's member cruzing the internet). Some of these were elders and POs and most of them sincerely nice people who just couldn't stand the lies and abuse any longer. You are not crazy--you are not alone. Glad you found this site,
