I was thinking of forbidding my wife from taking the kids out in service

by Check_Your_Premises 167 Replies latest jw friends

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  love2Bworldly

  I haven't finished reading through this whole thread, but want to put my 2 cents in. My sister and I used to sneak out to go to meeting etc because my parents weren't JW's. I am afraid that if you verbally say something to your wife about not taking the kids out in service, the elders will encourage her to go behind your back because you will be viewed as an opposer. And the kids may get the idea that it's kind of fun and cool to do secret JW things that Daddy doesn't know about.

  My advice to you is to be subtle and sly. Plan fun activities for the kids those days--maybe not every single Thursday but 2 or 3 out of the month when possible. If your wife complains, you might say that you don't mind her taking the kids out in service once in a while but that you want them to have some summer fun too. Is summer school an option? Also--spend some "Daddy" time with your kids away from your wife as much as possible, so they can get to know that their "worldly" dad is not such a bad guy. And talk, talk, talk to your kids--let them know whatever doubts you have about "God's Organization" and let them know things you have learned about WT scandals and cover-ups as they mature--but let them know that those issues upset their mother. Build a strong relationship with them when they are young, don't wait until they are rebellious teenagers!

  I wish you much luck for a very difficult situation.
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  Jez

  My 15 year old daughter refuses to see her dad because JW religion is crammed down her throat. My 10 year old is now facing the same thing...she loves him...but she is refusing to see him because religion is crammed down her throat.
  

  They don't want to be subjected anymore to his talk to death, Armageddon, making Satan happy and God sad if they celebrate the holidays, more death, more verbal spankings, more 'end of the world', 'your mother will die at Armageddon', we are right and everyone else is wrong, "worldly" people must be avoided because they are evil, Jehovahs way is the only way, meetings that do nothing to reach their tender hearts, superior attitudes, etc etc etc

  Let me tell you....my ex husband would like nothing better than to take my kids away from me for good and raise them as JWs. That is all that is on his mind. Not HOW they turn out, what they are like now, their heart condition, what they do for sports, school, etc. while these things may take on some importance, they take second place to 'saving their lives'. My ex will stop at nothing to try to force her, through intense preaching, at her to become a JW. He talks to her about her getting baptized all the time as well. If he can get my oldest on the phone for a few mins, he does not ask about HER, he preaches at her. "The end is CLOSE, whether you accept it or not" "YOU made a promise to Jehovah!"

  All things aside, (who is right and who is wrong) this is NOT healthy for children. Period. It causes alot of trouble for some kids, like my oldest, who is a very intense child to begin with. Her pain all goes inside and stays there. Some kids view it as a rejection. My youngest thinks that if she is not a JW, he will reject her and shun her someday. Her tactic right now, is to avoid him. I just keep telling her that he does love her, I don't want to see her pain. I have wrote him a letter begging him to back off of religion because it is ruining his relationship with her, but he does not listen, he knows best, I am "scummy dross." Sometimes, the best thing is limited association with a JW parent if they are fanatical and you can do it, until they get old enough to stand up for themselves about what they will and will not accept in a relationship. Counter teachings of death with teachings of life, hate with love, outward appearances with the inner person, superiority with understanding, judgement with compassion.

  Jez
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  Check_Your_Premises

  I have updated my Avatar in honor of RR's comments, and with all due respect to Gary Cooper.
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  love2Bworldly

  CYP--LOVE your new picture!

  RR--you had me rolling as I read through this whole thread.

  Don't get upset at AFIN, I think his/her whole intention is to upset people. I really feel sorry for AFIN because he/she sounds unintelligent, uncaring, and unhappy.
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  Netty

  You've had a ton of responses to your question, and I havent read all of them, so forgive me if this repeats what someone else said. But, I WISH WISH WISH I would have had someone who could have refused to let me go out on service when I was a kid. Your poor kids, not only will they hate it, like I did. But what a nervous wreck they will be if they happen to be working territory where they may run into someone they know from school. That was all so embarassing when I was forced to do it. As far as leaving it up to them, it wont really be up to them, if you leave it open, trust me their mother will force them. Save your poor kids. Like I said, I wish someone could have saved me.
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  144001

  Netty,
  
  
  Amen! So true. However, in my case, running into someone I knew from school at the door gave me the fortitude and mental strength to "just say no" to my parents' demands that I work as an uncompensated slave of the Watchtower cult. At that point, I realized that beatings were preferable to the humiliation I experienced when I ran into someone I knew from school at the door. That was the beginning of the end for me, as I stopped attending meetings shortly thereafter as well. Ultimately, my nose was broken as a result of my decision to "just say no" to the Watchtower cult. But I never returned to the vomit that is the Watchtower.
  
  
  As a side note, the individual who I ran into never told anyone at school. I was never very close to him but if I ran into him now I'd let him know how grateful I was that he didn't tell anyone. He probably felt sorry for me.
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  outoftheorg

  I was annoyed by one of the comments AFIN made and was just going to ignore it.

  It was something like" we help each other in caring for the kids when we go out in the service".

  In all my years as a jw and raised two families we almost( never) had any help with the children to enable us to go out in the service.

  That is why one of the elders said "you are not service minded enough" to me, to try to remove me from being an elder.

  Didn't make much difference, I removed myself a few months later.

  Outoftheorg
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  a friend in need

  Outo ... where I come from there is an abundance of grandmotherly types who dote on all the children and help out as much as possible ... has been that way as long as I can remember.
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  Chia

  It's not that way everywhere. No one helped my mom either, unless the CO was there and wanted to look good. Then all of a sudden it was, "Let's help the orphans and widows!" Phoniness if I ever saw it.
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  avishai

  Geez, cyp, That was a great post!!

  Um, AFIN? I guess that would be your refutation? Are you gonna answer his post?