Could You Stay Friends With Someone Who Visited Prostitutes?

by Englishman 78 Replies latest jw friends

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  FlyingHighNow

  Flying . . .You want to set a trap that may result in the ruination of this husband's and wife's ( and kids if there are any) lives?

  No, but if I have a friend who is exposing his wife to disease and doing it regularly, rather than telling her, and she needs to know, and having her lash out at me, I'd just figure out a way for her to catch him. Otherwise, she might not find out until she has contracted AIDS.

  Do you think this man isn't already messing up her life and that of any kids involved? Men like this rarely go home and treat their wives and kids like they should be treated. In no way does this husband have the right to endanger his wife's health and even risk exposing her to a disease which could eventually take her life and deprive any children of their mother.

  I've known too many people who exposed affairs or this type of behavior to friends and it backfired on them. Better to let the spouse discover this on their own. Visiting a prostitute regularly is not the same as an affair. This is much more dangerous and the innocent mate absolutely has every right to know.
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  FlyingHighNow

  You want to set a trap that may result in the ruination of this husband's and wife's ( and kids if there are any) lives?

  Isn't this a very backwards way of looking at this? This man's behavior would be the ruining factor. Finding out about her husband's behavior would give her the chance to decide if she wants to work this out. This is a chance he is not giving her by hiding this behavior from her. There is no way this couple has a happy contented relationship when this man has such a skewed attitude towards honesty, faithfulness, marriage vows and women.
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  Tigerman

  It seems that the point of this thread has taken a new direction and people have introduced the STD problem. That is not what Englishman intended . . .that's a different subject. We can " what if" any subject, thus changing and clouding the issue.

  Flying, don't you realize the havoc you would cause in that family if you told the wife. I think that if you truly want to help, and feel it's your business to do something, why don't you talk to the husband?
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  FlyingHighNow

  Flying, don't you realize the havoc you would cause in that family if you told the wife. I think that if you truly want to help, and feel it's your business to do something, why don't you talk to the husband?

  Tigerman, you don't think this is already reaking havoc in this family? If the man was my friend, I'd tell him how I felt and I would warn him that his wife will eventually know about it. Sorry, but this is not the same as the guy is having an affair. This is visiting prostitutes on a regular basis. The truth might hurt, but this lady absolutely needs to know it. I can't believe you think that hiding something like this is better for her or the family. I'm shaking my head. I am not saying every affair needs to be exposed. But this is not an affair. Not the same at all.
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  Tigerman

  Yes, we differ on this subject. I feel that if a man or a woman were having ' an affair' then THAT is when the partner should find out ( if one was going to make it their business, which I would not ). An affair can involve deep feelings, ie. caring, thoughtfulness, even true love; those are the real transgressions against the wronged mate. That's the stuff that destroys families.
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  trevor

  There seems to be an assumption that the situation described in this thread will always end in disaster so the wife would want to know. This is not always so. Earlier on I said:

  ‘Sometimes a marriage will only survive because one partner finds an outlet for their sex drive. Sometimes the other partner would rather not know. Over the years I have found it best to leave married couples to their own devices.’

  The friends I have had who were in the situation described are still married and together as families. Other friends who seemed to be perfect have divorced.

  This is why I do not police other peoples marriages.
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  Mecurious?

  Yes, we differ on this subject. I feel that if a man or a woman were having ' an affair' then THAT is when the partner should find out ( if one was going to make it their business, which I would not ). An affair can involve deep feelings, ie. caring, thoughtfulness, even true love; those are the real transgressions against the wronged mate. That's the stuff that destroys families. Bingo, Bango! Right on the money too! M'
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  Utopian Reformist

  Like I mentioned in one ofmy earlier posts about some friends who enjoy certain types of night clubs and adult scene, I have not ended those friendships, I just find something else to do on those nights and either stay home, visit with someone else or go somewhere completely different.
  
  I don't agree with the total waste of time and money, but it's not my call.
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  Doubtfully Yours

  To answer the subject question: NO WAY!!!

  DY
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  FlyingHighNow

  You know, if a wife finds about something like this on her own, she can make the decision about whether or not she will confront her husband or not.

  I am wondering how any of you would feel if your mate were doing the same thing behind your back and exposing your to disease. Maybe some of you wouldn't mind if your mate spends money from the family budget for sex. Maybe some of you wouldn't mind if you are being exposed to crabs and all of the other sexually transmitted diseases, especially AIDS. Maybe some of you wouldn't mind if your own sexual relationship with your mate was being affected by the introduction of prostitution, through no choice of your own, into it. I kind of figure most people would want to address this kind of problem in their relationships or marriages.

  Finding out that your mate has this kind of appetite and problem wouldn't mean you have to end the relationship or marriage. At least you'd have a fair shake and chance to get the problems ironed out if you knew the truth. JWs think that sexual indiscretion has to always result in disaster and divorce. The rest of the world doesn't necessarily agree. My friend's children were being brought to the park for outings with their father. He was using them as an aliby, while he snuck off in the woods for quickies with his lover. The boys figured it out and they told their mother. She chose to stay in the marriage and to work things out. She insisted they get marriage counseling. They survived the affair.