So, I guess you guys would want to know if your wife was visiting prostitutes afterall. Everything changes when you turn the table. I mean now that you put it that way...
Could You Stay Friends With Someone Who Visited Prostitutes?
by Englishman 78 Replies latest jw friends
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Abaddon
Flying
I always think of it as they are renting it out.
Yup, you're right.
Tigerman
Flying . . .You want to set a trap that may result in the ruination of this husband's and wife's ( and kids if there are any) lives?
I think the person with their dick in the wrong place (and conceal it) set themselves a trap. They should be willing to be responsible for the potential conseqeunces of their actions, or not take those actions. Why should they expect someone to potentially go against their own conscienece and 'keep the secret' if they get found up? What right do they to blame someone for the obvious potential consequences of their actions?
I feel that if a man or a woman were having ' an affair' then THAT is when the partner should find out ( if one was going to make it their business, which I would not ). An affair can involve deep feelings, ie. caring, thoughtfulness, even true love; those are the real transgressions against the wronged mate. That's the stuff that destroys families.
No, lack of trust destroys families. If someone will lie or conceal the use of whores they are not caring, they are not thoughtful, and their love is more to do with themselves than their partner. If their is a true sexual imbalance then both partners have to be involved in deciding how to deal with it. That's why it's called a realtionship.
trevor
Sometimes a marriage will only survive because one partner finds an outlet for their sex drive. Sometimes the other partner would rather not know. Over the years I have found it best to leave married couples to their own devices.’
I disagree that a third party should stay silent if they find out. There is risk of transmission of disease, let alone anything else. And for every "poor man" who selflessly goes whoring as his wife is "frigid", but doesn't tell her, there are five guys who want to screw a hooker and can't be bothered telling their wife about it.
Anyone unlucky enough to get caught out by a third party who informs their spouse, or stupid enough to tell someone who knows their wife is just reaping what they sow, it's their fault at the end of the day.
And I know several dominatrixes and people who use their services (not neccesarily sex by any streach). Obviously some don't tell their wives, but most people active in the BDSM scene I have met who DO have a 'vanilla' partner who is not interested TELL their spouses.
anewme
With all the STDs out there today I dont believe there is a prostitute who is disease free. I looked up the center for disease control and did research on the STDs out there and they are all quite contractable and unavoidable and all bring a little heartache of one kind or another along with them.
Sorry, your use of the word 'unavoidable' is just hyperbole. You have to be very very unlucky or visit disease-ridden hookers virtually daily to develop any measurable risk of contracting an STD due to the barrier contraceptives failing.
If you don't use condoms, then it is more-or-less unavaoidable, but any hooker who doesn't use condoms is just risking eventual death, as those who ask for sex without condoms are disproportionately likely to carry disease.
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LittleToe
Whilst I might discourage conversations that make me uncomfortable, I'm not so sure I'd close out a friendship over something someone had done. I guess it depends on how balanced out the rest of the relationship is.
As for prostitution, itself - it's the oldest profession in the book (pre-book, in fact). The idea doesn't rock my world, but each to their own...
Edited to add:I've been in a similar situation with a "friend" who regularly talked about wanting to have an affair, albeit he never admitted to having one. I dealt with it as above.
Betrayal is naff, but the reality is that it happens. It's probably happened closer than many of us think. Fortunately most folks have enough "decency" not to air their dirty linen in public.
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FlyingHighNow
Abaddon, thank you! Finally. You remind me of what Andy said to me about this problem yesterday, "If someone comes to you and confesses regularly using the services of a prostitute and you choose to help them hide it, you have become part of the problem. Like it or not."
Only one thing do I disagree with:
If you don't use condoms, then it is more-or-less unavaoidable, but any hooker who doesn't use condoms is just risking eventual death, as those who ask for sex without condoms are disproportionately likely to carry disease.
Condoms break. Condoms slip off. Even when you do use them, they are very flimsy protection against pregnancy or stds. A lot of prostitutes end up with love children when condoms break.Yes, use them for goodness sake, but they are not really that safe. You're taking your life in your hands when you have sexual contact with a person who sleeps with hundreds of, thousands of people. A condom might reduce the risk, but it doesn't take it away by a long shot.
Tigerman, I find it odd that you raise such objections to someone exposing prostitution, but think it's fine to expose an affair. Why the double standard?
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katiekitten
Finding out her husband was visiting a prossie might not end the marriage BUT until she knows she has no choice in the matter. Its deception, and theft of someones trust, plain and simple.
Now im not advocating running and telling her - because as someone said its not my place to police other peoples marriages, BUT until she knew, or found out somehow I would feel MIGHTY uncomfortable knowing she was being cuckolded. I wouldnt be able to socialise with them, not because of my superior morals (hell ive done some shitty things too) but because I would find the situation of knowing one partner was holding out on a major piece of information too awkward to handle.
Once they both knew, I would be easier in their company, just because all the parties would be on a level playing field regarding information. Knowledge is power. Being denied access to knowledge in a marriage is theft.
The STD issue is another biggie for me. She doesnt even stand a chance of protecting herself. He can hardly start using condoms for no reason can he, and she doesnt know that she might need to. He is robbing her of her ability to self protect. What if she got AIDS (yes it has happened)? What if she had kids who would be orphaned? What a selfish bastard he is, thinking about his own cock before everyone else in his family.
Oh but what if hes using condoms when he visits his prostitutes? Well ive got news for you, condoms split. My daughter was a split condom.
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FlyingHighNow
Then there's always the problem of when the wife finds out and she confronts you point blank and asks you did you know? What do you do then? I've known people who got very angry with people who knew their mates were cheating. And yes, seeing a prostitute is cheating. How often do we hear men say thar sex has nothing to do with love?
I am not condemning or condoning prostitution. I have seen underage girls in Chicago, turned out by their pimps with broken arms, black eyes into 28 degrees below zero or -33.33 in celsius.
I've also had a beloved family member trapped into prostitution against her will and under threat to life and limb. To this day her right index finger is crooked and painful from her pimp breaking it when she held up her hand to fend off his blows.
On the other hand, some women feel they shouldn't give it away. If they are grown women making this choice on their own, well I can't judge them for that. In Nevada, it's not criminall for them to do this.
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Englishman
It was the guy's total shallowness that put me off him. He was just so highly amused with himself. He also had a 3 year old son that he claimed to dote on. He told all his mates about how he and another chap had picked up the girls, then how they'd swapped partners. It was just so bloody naff.
Englishman.
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katiekitten
Too right eman. Its easy for us all to bloody intellectualise about it when we are not in that position.
But when you hear someone bragging about doing something shitty like they are the cleverest sod that walked the earth, its mighty offputting.
At least when I did shitty things I had the decency (no, there was nothing decent about it) to know it was to be hidden and ashamed of, not bragged about.
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FlyingHighNow
Mike, he sounds like slime. I hope his poor wife figures it out someday. I don't think you're being priggish at all to be abhored by his caviler attitude towards his wife, their marriage, family happiness and the example he could be setting for his son.