bisous

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Posts by bisous

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  24

  Would you leave your kids with your abusive parents?

  by Nosferatu in

  1. watchtower
  2. child-abuse

  i've been contemplating this for a number of years now.

  when i have kids, would i let my mother babysit them knowing how she treated me as a child?

  has she changed?.

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  bisous

  OK. Am I completely wrong to think that it is not necessary for parents to go on holidays without their children while their children are growing up? My husband and I never went on any sort of holidays except FAMILY holidays for at least the first 10 years of parenthood.

  outnfree,

  IMO...YES, you are completely wrong. Unless you are an advocate of Dr. Laura. Adults (even parents) deserve a break now and then. I think it is unreasonable to expect years of no holidays sans kids. A holiday allows parents to regroup and recharge, invest in their relationship which in turn benefits children.

  Your decision must have been right for you...but definitely wouldn't apply to most.
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  34

  How do you view your parents ????? very tough question !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  by run dont walk in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  being brought up in the borg since birth, i beleived everything my parents taught me and showed me, i looked up to them, they were my heroes in life.. now, i look back, they lied to me, cheated me, mislead me, did not look out for my best interests, and abadonned me when i needed them the most,.

  i have nothing good to say about them (or my brothers and sisters), like to tie them both to a tree and ----- them.

  they are very stupid people.. i'm sure i will wrestle with this the rest of my life.. thanks so much watchtower bible and tract society !!!!!!!!!!

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  bisous

  (tink) thanks and I do respect your reply.

  Funny enough, I have said enough is enough and I am no longer a victim. Key to my survival has been gaining the courage to disconnect from my mother and the lifesucking negative energy she represented to me. She may choose to live in denial, I choose to no longer pretend.

  Since I made that decision a huge weight has been lifted from me. I no longer walk around feeling guilty ... I realize I am not responsible for making my mother feel okay about her choices by making excuses for her that leave me feeling rotten, useless, unworthy. I no longer feel guilty or that I am a bad daughter because I recognize her actions for what they were - WRONG AND SELFISH - and having the courage to say so.

  I don't wallow in self-pity (never have) ... I don't have alcohol, drug or food problems (never did). It is not up to me to forgive her, it is up to her to take accountability and forgive herself, if she can.

  If she weren't my mother, I wouldn't choose her as a friend...for a 1,000 reasons....#1 being she is a JW. She never acted like much of a mother when it counted, so its hard to even have that...I don't really feel that maternal/daughterly bond. Why should I fake it?

  Your course of action, it sounds like, has worked well for you and provided comfort and healing. So has mine. Honesty has done wonders for my outlook!!!
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  34

  How do you view your parents ????? very tough question !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  by run dont walk in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  being brought up in the borg since birth, i beleived everything my parents taught me and showed me, i looked up to them, they were my heroes in life.. now, i look back, they lied to me, cheated me, mislead me, did not look out for my best interests, and abadonned me when i needed them the most,.

  i have nothing good to say about them (or my brothers and sisters), like to tie them both to a tree and ----- them.

  they are very stupid people.. i'm sure i will wrestle with this the rest of my life.. thanks so much watchtower bible and tract society !!!!!!!!!!

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  bisous

  They were lied to also, but they just didn't know it. Telling someone else the lie you believe to be true, is not a lie. I think you should lighten up.

  Mulan, everyone has their own experiences and opinions/perceptions as a result. You are absolutely entitled to yours, but at the same time so are the rest of us based on our own very unique situations. I'm not sure telling someone else to lighten up is fair.

  Personally I'm tired of making excuses for my parent. She was a freethinking adult, not a child, when she made the conscious decision to be a JW. That was fine for her individually, but she inflicted great harm (in my Personal Situation) on me as a result. Parents should be accountable. I do hold mine accountable. I'm not sorry about that. Who was there to protect us?

  Yes I was provided physical needs (food, shelter, clothing). Is that all a parent is responsible for? I think not. This goes beyond telling me the lie they were told. My mom says 'everyone raises their kids in their own church'.....This is more than a church -- it is evil and hurtful. This was choosing to adopt a belief system and then using it as an excuse for all the harm it caused to us...'well, that was what the Society said was right'.

  Not everyone's Witness experience was as severe as mine or others....but no one should judge those individuals for their unique experiences and resulting choices either.

  I've kind of ranted here, because it cuts to my core. Hope I've been able to make some sense as well.
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  34

  How do you view your parents ????? very tough question !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  by run dont walk in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  being brought up in the borg since birth, i beleived everything my parents taught me and showed me, i looked up to them, they were my heroes in life.. now, i look back, they lied to me, cheated me, mislead me, did not look out for my best interests, and abadonned me when i needed them the most,.

  i have nothing good to say about them (or my brothers and sisters), like to tie them both to a tree and ----- them.

  they are very stupid people.. i'm sure i will wrestle with this the rest of my life.. thanks so much watchtower bible and tract society !!!!!!!!!!

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  bisous

  I haven't spoken to my mother in over a year. She chose JWs and an abusive man over the responsibilities she had as a mother. She married into a JW family when I was about 5. She spent the next 12 years with these people (as did I). She knew that I was physically and mentally abused, plus she forced this religion on me because she was in it too. I was also sexually abused, while she claims she didn't know and I have no proof otherwise; the other abuses were more than enough to take a stand.

  When I left the JWs in my early 20s, so did she. As I grew older and raised my 2 kids, my respect for her diminished as I realized how weak and selfish she is. About 2 years ago she returned to the witnesses (if I believed in the Bible...the quote a dog returns to its own vomit would definitely apply here).

  Our relationship grew more and more tiresome. When I was younger, I did a lot of what I see expressed on this thread....defended her actions. Poor mom, she didn't know, step-dad was mean, it was a cult, she thought it was out of love...blah blah blah blah.

  As a parent (single) and one who has been faced with more challenges than my mother and mostly DUE to her .... I now refuse to make excuses for her. She was a thinking adult person with a child. It was her responsibility to make appropriate decisions and put her child before her own selfish needs and wants. She willing and continuously chose not to do so. It wasn't the WT's fault solely.

  Thankfully, I left and slowly rebuilt aspects of my life. But I am forever marked and still not whole.

  It is a relief mostly to not have to deal with the situation in the last 2 years. As my daughter nears the age of marriage, I'm certain it will all have to be trotted-out again and figured over (mom and grandma at the wedding stuff).

  It is one thing if your parents were raised as JWs and inculcated from birth. But I hold them much more accountable if they willingly chose it. She went there in the name of love, (selfish), and put him and WTS over everything else. YUK. Let's not make excuses for these people. They weren't that blind.

  THANKS WTS. THANKS MOM.
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  41

  Zdravstvuite

  by Sneaky Russian in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hello my american friends, and those from other places

  i was a witness for almost 20 years, and have been through a lot to offer my story today.

  my mother was conned by the jehovah's witnesses when she was just forteen years old after sitting in with a schoolfriend on a bible study back in england.

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  bisous

  Welcome to the board!!! Us newer folks share your feelings of gratitude to Simon (board creator) and others who have kept it going. In a very short time, the site has made such a positive impact on me and allowed me to find a community (albeit virtual...but slowly personal!)....something I'm very appreciative for.

  Keep coming, keep posting....I'm sure you'll find much of what you need as an ex-JW.
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  30

  Do you fear a final judgement?

  by fearnotruth22 in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  we dont know one way or another if we will have to be judged by god and possibly punished for our "sins" better safe than sorry?

  or, just do what makes you happy and worry about it when the times comes?

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  bisous

  no fear. Each day I strive to do the best job possible with the cards I'm dealt.

  =In the end, we judge ourselves based on how we used our time and awareness this go round on the planet. I'm confident on how I'll rate.
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  16

  Bisous - For You & anyone else whos puzzling over me wi' raised eyebrow

  by Celtic in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it's so ruddy boring trying to recapture old ground, life is there for to be progressed on forwards, not ruddy backwards.. .

  however, just this once, i will try to give you an insight into parts of my background, and hopefully, insights into the future.

  i'll write not like usual, but hopefully, short punchy paragraphs.. .

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  bisous

  thanks, JoannaDandy....I'm looking forward to future chapters from Celtic
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  20

  Just bought an AWESOME book!!!!

  by Sunnygal41 in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  hello you fellow apostatoes!

  i just went to get a coffee at the little coffee shop up the street from where i work.............. "leaves and pages" which also is a wonderful snuggly little book shop!

  it is one of my most favorite stores because i am a bookaholic!

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  bisous

  Hello. My name is Kim and I, too, am a bookaholic.
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  34

  What would you say to Gods' answering machine?

  by Sirius Dogma in

  1. jw
  2. friends

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  thank you for calling god, please leave a message at the beep or press 5 to leave a fax.

  <beep>

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  bisous

  time to upgrade your system.
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  34

  Ladies....do you still talk to your ex's?

  by logansrun in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  ladies,.

  how do you feel about speaking with ex-boyfriends?

  can you still be "friends" with someone you broke up with?

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  bisous

  Yep, on speaking terms and more with nearly all of my ex's. IMO, what would it say about my judgement if I couldn't....that I consistently pick creeps that I wouldn't want to talk to?

  In fact, I maintain warm affection for most of them. Just because certain aspects of relationships don't make them a long-term 'match' (timing, relationship goals, communication styles or needs), doesn't make them unworthy of sustaining at a different level: lightweight friend, close friendship, occasional lover. They still possess all of the great qualities that attracted me to them in the 1st place.

  to all the men I've loved before......hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm