Yeah, I feel that way sometimes, but coulda-shoulda-woulda thinking seems to bring me down. I figure this whole thing moved me to learn about logic and critical thinking, which is my new fixation.
I live in the now, because I am only alive... now. The past and future are tools to make now even better. I don't know what my life would have been if I had grown up in a "normal" family, but despite where I came from, I'm proud of the direction I'm going, and have started to learn what it is to not hate myself.