Posts by Fleur

83

Why I dont go along with the "happiness" crowd

by Junction-Guy in

jw
friends

the old saying "happiness is the best revenge", to me that is the most rubbing statement i can ever hear right now.. .

someone mentioned that jw's dont think anyone can have true happiness outside of their religion, i dont necessarily buy this.. .

when someone is happy inside the borg, they say its jehovah's blessing, when someone is happy outside the borg they say that satan is blessing them.

Fleur

It does a major disservice to XJW's to try to paint everything as hunky dory, when it clearly is not.

I have a message for the world that this cult is destructive, it tears up families, and most of all it tears up children.

I have read and studied numerous child psychology books and I have seen first hand the damage this cult causes.

If we paint the JW religion as OK, or just like any other church, then basically we are gagging our own mouths, for the message needs to be known that JW's are a lying,destructive CULT

Gee, JG, I don't remember you being so angry when I posted here before- maybe I missed something in the time I have been away, but I'm really worried about you :(

You know, I was an activist for a long, long time. I went through what I call my ex-JW pioneer years. I never pioneered when I was a JW- but after I got out, all I wanted to do was expose them, tell my story so it would help others, and keep posting and posting and posting until the pain eased up- to be sure that anyone who read my words would feel, not just know, but FEEL the way I nearly lost my life by my own hand because of this cult.

I won't get into how many thousands of emails I answered during those years. I won't get into how many hits my (now gone) website had. Because many people have done far more for the 'exjw cause' than I ever did.

But I did all I could, for a long, long time. And I burned out. Bigtime.

You may feel it does a disservice to other exjw's by saying that I'm happy now, and moreso maybe you think that because I actually am happy, I am doing damage to 'the cause' somehow.

But I'm not a billboard for anyone's cause anymore. I'm a human being, and I, and you, and everyone else, deserve to be happy.

To be honest, to hear you implying that if an EXjw is happy they're doing something wrong, really hurts. Because it's like being back in the Borg and hearing that if you're happy, then you're doing something wrong because only people who are doing what Satan wants have any happiness.

Does that make any sense at all to you?

I did my bit for 'king and country'. I still try to help out individual posters and such by sharing my experiences. You can do a search of my old username, Esmeralda, if you want an indication of how much pain this cult has caused me.

I just can't live in that pain anymore. If that makes me a disappointment to you, I can't help you.

I won't apologize to anyone, ever again for being happy. Not even fellow ex's.

I wish you peace in your heart and healing.

essie

27

Taking responsiblity for our Recovery

by purplesofa in

jw
friends

do you think you are responsible for you own recovery?.

what warning signs are present when you go to a different plan?.

do you really think you can heal from the jw expericance?.

Fleur

Do you think you are responsible for you own recovery? Yes. Just as we're all responsible for creating our own happiness.

How do we do that? By finding constructive ways to keep ourselves busy while we heal- find your calling. It doesn't have to be religious- but I've found that volunteer work helps a lot.

How have you done that? By realizing that no one else was going to 'fix me' or 'make me happy'. I had to find the way to learn how to do it myself- and I did.

What warning signs are present when you go to a different plan? I'm not sure I understand this question- do you mean how do you know you're on the wrong track? If so, your gut should tell you. But there are people who have no gut left to listen to- it's been beat out of them by the JW rhetoric. It takes awhile, sometimes, to find your inner voice again. But if you listen hard, you will.

Do you really think you can heal from the JW expericance? Heal- but perhaps not be cured. Things can trigger you and you go back ten steps. But you just have to keep going- otherwise your only choice is to be bitter, which will drive everyone away from you and who wants that?

thanks for the great thread, purps.

((((((((((((Purplesofa)))))))))))))

essie

28

Here's a hint

by Junction-Guy in

jw
friends

if you want people to live a good life to show that happiness is the best revenge, then why not put your words into action and reach out as a real live friend to someone local in your area.

Fleur

Some of us still have to protect our real identities, fiercely, to protect not only ourselves but our children from threats from the past that would become once again all too present if our real names/faces/identities got out. Physical threats.

People may wonder about me, if I'm for real- why I've been around the same community of exjw's pretty much for almost 8 years now but I've never met any of them in person. Never been to an Apostafest, though you have no idea how close I've come a couple times to just showing up at them.

I can count on one hand those here who know my real first name. Fewer know where I am geographically. There is a definite reason for this, and it's not unfriendliness. Those who know it have kept it safe for me- if they ever did not, I would have to disappear from the forums, permanently.

Two words; safety first. It's not that I don't want to reach out to others, it's just in the case of some of us, the message boards are the best we can do- and we, or I, at least, hope that's better than nothing.

Sounds to me like you're hoping other people will fill a need that only you can fill for yourself. But you know, I'm not an extrovert, and I have a hard time understanding them so probably it's just me. I don't get people who need to have a lot of friends to feel fulfilled, I never have. I'm content in my own company most of the time, I like solitude.

Also, you have to remember, this is the internet, and in general on the internet even with other message boards, there are crazy people out there. I've been stalked by people I've met online other places- female 'friends' and it's happened more than once. So I just have a policy now. Online friends are online- and that's it. Unless I've known someone a very long time- real life interaction isn't going to happen. For some people, that's enough, for others it's not. I leave it up to them if they're willing to take the friendship I feel I can safely offer.

(((((JG))))) I hope you find what you're looking for.

essie

66

List Reasons Why YOU Would NEVER Go Back To The "Truth"

by minimus in

jw
friends

i recently saw my jw brother and sil and listened to them talk about poor sister sick(o) who has been diagnosed with major mental problems.

she went to the doctor's and the doctor supposedly began to berate her out of the blue because she is a jehovah's witness.

now the family wants to have the doctor formally rebuked for his so called "discriminatory comments".

Fleur

Because it would kill me.

Emotionally, if not physically, outright, to do so.

22

Don't Try and Convert Me

by blondie in

jw
friends

http://www.maconareaonline.com/news.asp?id=18798.

don't try to convert me, please by: lewis grizzardtues oct 23, 2007 9:05 am edt.

macon,ga.- religious freedom is a wonderful thing.

Fleur

Having had people try to convert me to being Wiccan, having them beg my return to various flavors of Christianity, lobby for Buddhism and extolling the virtues of Hinduism, as well as other varied religious beliefs in this world, I no longer believe that JW's corner the market on pushy religious behavior. Religious people are just getting more pushy everywhere, in general.

I have had to end a couple 'friendships' since leaving the JW's because people would just not accept that organized religion is never going to be a part of my life again. And they would not stop preaching.

I understand this guy's message, but I can't agree with ever pulling a shotgun on anyone as his grandfather did. It could go off, and JW's may be annoying, but they don't deserve to die for going to your door. Maybe it wasn't loaded. I just think that scaring someone that severely is a bit extreme.

I personally have considered getting a "warning, Apostate on Premesis" sign if needed for the window but JW's don't call on me anymore. I think the word is out at the local Cong. that the Devil lives at my address.

I like the general message of this piece but somehow- the way it's stated seems kinda mean. :/ At least this guy doesn't have to worry about JW's bothering him now, wherever he is (RIP, dude.)

essie

40

My Mum's gone

by shell69 in

jw
friends

a few months ago i noticed that my mum had put her house up for sale, she doesn't live far from me and i had occasion to drive past her house.. well i've had a funny unsettled feeling all week, and i drove along the back of her house yesterday, and all the curtains were gone, she'd obviously left.

feeling brave i drove round the front, and yes its empty, doesnt look like she's been gone long.

i got out and went in the back garden, and looked through the windows.

Fleur

(((((((((((((((((Shell)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

31

feelings of guilt

by confused and lost in

as some of you are aware i am in the early stages of doubting the wts as the only channel of truth.however i am assailed by feelings of guilt.am i being seduced by the words of disgruntled witnesses or ex-witnesses or am i truly doubting !

!maybe some of you felt this way in the early stages of your "defection" from the wts.sometimes i feel as though i am rejecting god and his organization but other times i feel so strongly that the wts has misled me and is acting to control my "loyalty" by vieled threats of destruction at armageddon.you see prior to becoming a jw i had no religious affiliations.i knew nothing about the bible or god.so for 20 yrs i have only known watchtower teachings and un-learning 20yrs of this is making me so indesicive.am i doing the right thing or not ?

my only solace is prayer.i have prayed to god to show me in some way what the truth really is.i must admit that these prayers have been the most heartfelt i have ever said.have others felt this way and if so how did they deal with it ?i would truly appreciate some feedback.

Fleur

have only known Watchtower teachings and un-learning 20yrs of this is making me so indesicive.Am I doing the right thing or not ? My only solace is prayer.I have prayed to God to show me in some way what the truth really is.I must admit that these prayers have been the most heartfelt I have ever said.Have others felt this way and if so how did they deal with it ?I would truly appreciate some feedback. Thanks,Steve.

Hi Steve,

It's really tough. I have found that the best antidote to the guilt of wondering if you're wrong to have doubts is to do your research. Pick the doctrines that have especially bothered you about the JW's and caused you to doubt and research the ever living daylights out of them. Nothing helps to blow guilt away like realizing that you're right- and that even though the WTS says that 2+2=12 that doesn't make it so.

If it's any consolation to you, it really does get better with time. Your just starting down the path many of us here are a little ways down already. Your heart is telling you that something isn't right- and even though you doubt yourself now because it's what you've been told to do- you are not the one you should be doubting.

To quote Captain Jack Sparrow: "Of the two of us I am the only one who hasn't committed mutiny, therefore my word is the one we'll be trusting."

You've been sincere- they have not been sincere, or honest, with any of us. So yours is the word you should be trusting at this point, if you get my meaning.

Keep asking questions. One of two things will happen. Either your doubts will go away- and you'll be happy to be a JW or you will find the answers that your heart seems to know already- and find a new life.

I wish you peace

Esmeralda

p.s. prayer never helped me much. It just seemed like the more I did it, the more I realized that I was really on my own. . .but if it helps you, then by all means, keep doing it. . .

55

I shouldn't be shocked but I am.

by reneeisorym in

jw
friends

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/143755/1.ashx.

i posted this oct 8, '07.

backgroud: i am a 5th generation jw.

Fleur

I love you baby girl, your still my heart.
Sorry to say this, but love is shown by actions, not by words or warm squishy sentiments. She may have a feeling of love. Doesn't the Bible say faith without works is dead? I'd say love without works also is dead or inactive.

Gopher hit the nail on the head here. People can say they love you all day long while they try to manipulate the ever living hell out of you in the meantime.

Love is what love does.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this. My mother has pulled similar stuff on me, and tries still ,every freaking chance she gets.

I'm just so sorry.

hugs

essie

p.s. your kitty is precious. They do help, don't they???

19

Reflection in the Mirror ...

by compound complex in

jw
friends

mom used to laugh when i, as a little boy, would look into the mirror and ask my reflection, "why am i so uggily?

" well, i should have felt some reassurance when auntie rose took me into her capacious arms and declared, "you're a cute little fart!".

certainly the old dear was dotty as well as biased toward me - rightly so, i would imagine.

Fleur

thanks Coco for the wonderful response :) It's not that I believe now that you have got to be loved by a man to be a good woman- I know you didn't mean that either so I'm just over-stating the obvious because on line people can't hear your voice or know what you mean and I'd hate any woman who may be without a man in her life to read my post and think that I would think less of myself were it not for a man's opinion. While what my husband thinks of me means the world to me because I value him so (and trust his judgment more than my own a lot of the time!) it is not the sole measure of who I believe myself to be.

That was true of me years ago, before I had a real sense of self. It is also true that my (second) husband helped me to see myself, the first time, for real because my JW upbringing and my first husband- had distorted me so badly in my own mind.

But now I know that on my own, as a human being, I'm okay and that's good enough for me. I'm not the most beautiful woman in any room, but I have my charms ;) all women do. I know people generally remember me after they meet me, and seem happy to see me on future occasions so I guess that's a good sign LOL.

Anyway, I would recommend please that any of the people here who are so hard on themselves please listen to the song "Become" by the Goo Goo Dolls, for me. On a loop, if you have to. It'll cost you 99 cents on iTunes, and it's very much worth it.

Imagine a dear friend or someone who really cares about you saying the words of that song to you. Believe them- because they're true.

No one is a fat cow except a fat cow. And they don't care that they're fat because they're cows, if their healthy they're supposed to be fat. Every person is truly beautiful- if you look for it. Those who are blind and can't see it- aren't worth your time. Trust me on this.

love to all the insecure people- many days I am one of them still. But the days I feel okay are gaining on those that I don't in number and overtaking them as time goes on. I'm trying to pass good self esteem on to my daughter, I don't ever want her to think the things about herself that I used to think about myself when I looked in the mirror.

It's the medias doing to a large extent. . .women especially but nowadays men too, feeling so bad about their appearance. But that, as they say, is another thread. . .

I was thinking about this thread yesterday afternoon and I was humming to myself the song "Reflection" from Disney's movie Mulan. The lyrics resonated with me when I first saw it- years back when I was making my JW exit and everything was so new and scary. the words are:

Look at me, I will never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter
can it be I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see that if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart
Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me, why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide who I am though I've tried, when will my reflection show who I am inside?"

I used to ask myself that question daily when I looked in the mirror. Almost a decade later, I have my answer. The answer is, "Today." Finally I feel like my reflection outside, matches the soul inside the body who carries it. Is it because I suddenly look like (fill in the blank of who you think the most beautiful woman ever is)? Nope. Not by a longshot. But I'm me, and that's the only thing I can be. And I'm cool with that.

You are all just fine being you, too, the you that you really are.

An aside to Happy Harvester- please do me a favor and erase "I'm good enough" from the board and replace it with, "I am a more than good enough, I am extraordinary, just being who I am." Because you are. (((((((((HH)))))))))))

hugs to all

essie

18

Are elders more "pure" than the other JW's ?

by JH in

jw
friends

i always considered elders like "cops" in the congregation, looking into other people's business and looking for faults.

they give the impression that they are pure and do no wrong and by the fact, they can judge others and counsel them.. i'd love to turn the tide around and find out about their faults and sins.. .

.

Fleur

OMG thank you for the laugh this morning I can always use a good one to start my day.

Elders more pure than others? My response to that would be: Bwhahahahahahahahahaha-ha!

Hardly.

They'd like you to think so. But I've just seen too much to ever believe it. With my own two eyes, not hear-say.

I can't un-know what I know.

essie