as i have now posted 1000 times i would like to briefly look back at perhaps why i came here and what i have learned!.
when i started posting i was a xjw virgin as i never knew about anything that had gone on or was going on in the jw world.
sixteen years out of the church and i didn`t even know there were all these books to read, all these conflicts with bethels ways and actions.
Beans,
It's nice having you here, even though I'm just starting to get to know everyone. I think a 1,000 posts is a pretty good number, especially since you've only been on since Oct.'01. I can only hope to have that many in a year's time! It's great that you have something like this forum to deal with the thoughts you've had, especially since you were out for so long before dealing with them.
Congratulations--I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts in the future.
Becky
there are times when ilook back fondly on my days in the witnesses, especially when i think on the congregation get togethers we would have every once in awhile (not too often) people from our hall and sometimes others would show up (not too many) and good times were had by all.
this is how the schedule usually went.. 8pm: arrive at the community centre.
8:05pm: scope the room.
These are cynical: I miss the dirty looks and sometimes comments by my parents and others about NOT reading the bible during the wts or bookstudy. I wasn't following along... (I liked Ruth and Esther)
I miss being beaten at 2 years old because I couldn't sit still during the meeting, and once while being carried out even yelled "Jehovah save me!"
I miss my dad "trying" to spank me at 16 years old because I was trying to tell him he didn't know how to listen to ME--I just wanted to be able to tell him how I FELT, even if it wasn't JW approved
I miss wasting 30 years of my life believing their story of Paradise--spending it in field service as a pioneer--trying in vain (unless the person was not very educated IMO) to convince others that we had the "truth"
I miss the countless hours of studying I put in, even though I really didn't pay much attention to WHAT I was reading (how could I and have lasted that long?)
I miss the thousands of dollars that I gave to that bloody religion in gas miles, meals, lack of work, pioneering etc.
I miss the instant jolt of fear whenever a natural disaster occurred and you think, "Is this it?" and then your next thought of "If it is, I won't make it because I didn't do (fill in the blank with the appropriate guilt tactic of the week--more studying, praying, contributions, service etc.)
I miss constantly feeling guilty because I just knew I wasn't good enough
These are real: I miss being allowed to grow up in a healthy, normal (according to my body's needs) way--being allowed to develop sexually, mentally, emotionally, physically in ways that were good for me, not a religion
I miss all the years I could have figured out who I was, and went to school already to do something I like
I miss my family, since I'm not given much attention by them
I miss not really enjoying anything until now--because there was always SOMETHING wrong with EVERYTHING
I miss all the years that I could have been truly happy--without guilt like I am now
I miss the people, but have found others in my life who often resemble those features I liked in my friends
Bottom line--while things are very different now, and at times I've been resentful of the past--I am here now, and can do anything I want NOW! You're only to old to do something if you think you're too old. And although I may at times miss certain "good" (like lots of people around) aspects of my jw past, I realize I can re-create whatever those things are.
Becky
what zodiac sign should you be?.
http://www.emode.com/emode/tests/astrology_makeover.jsp.
my results.
Hi Amanda and everyone,
Great topic, as I've become very interested in astrology lately. I'm a pisces, born 3-9-68 at 6am, but came out a scorpio. The interesting thing is my boyfriend is a scorpio. I'm sure because of my nature I tend to "become" like the people around me. Where did you get the long Gemini description? I liked that a lot.
I also found a book called Sex Signs by Judith Bennett, and it's specifically for women. I love it very much, and every woman who's visited me and read their description in the book says it fits. How much do you believe about the astrology viewpoint?
Thanks for the great link!
Becky
how many of you are now atheists or agnostics?
how many of you have actually converted to another organized religion?
personally i find myself doubting anything and everything i learned about the bible and religion.
Hi Stinkypantz (I like your name too)
Great question btw! I was born and raised a witness, and left about 3+ years ago with my then husband. First thing for me was to get rid of all JW literature, although now I wish I'd kept it in storage somewhere. Then I was so confused and angry that I'd been misled for 30 years, that I didn't want any part of religion, especially if it used the bible as proof.
The next stage for me was finding a New Thought Unity church with my then husband, and loving it! It was a great place for me to heal and realize that although I will probably never be a member of organized religion, that there are places of worship that preach love, unity, and being non-judgmental towards everyone--no matter race, religion, sexuality. They truly accepted anyone, no matter their place in life, and they did not ever use the bible to condemn ANYONE.
After going there on and off for about 8 months, I moved away and started going inside ME. I moved in with my boyfriend Jonathan, and he is a combination Taoist, Buddhist, and Hindu, with a background of Christianity from his childhood. I started learning how to meditate by his example, and reading more about Eastern ways of thought. I finally started realizing that I did not have to look elsewhere for my spirituality--that it comes from INSIDE of ME. I have the choice of how I want to treat myself first, and all others around me. I do not need any preacher, pastor, minister, priest, or elder to tell me how I'm supposed to live.
I do enjoy visiting other places of worship now, so I can connect even to a greater degree to people of all backgrounds. I now live on the East Coast, and have met a wide variety of people. I hope that I will be able to feel connected to anyone I meet, instead of instantly condemning them because they aren't a witness. It's great to be at this place now--I was exhausted from all the pre-judjement. I like LIKING PEOPLE, and enjoying their company--not worrying about whether or not they're going to study.
I now believe that while the bible is an amazing book, and has some great words of wisdom and guidance, it is by no means any more important than other great works written by man. I do not feel like there is a person-like being sitting in heaven waiting to choose who's going to live or die and then kill off all the "bad" people--because I truly haven't met many "bad" people upon leaving the jw's. And I guess that's what has changed my mind. I have met so many wonderful, giving, loving people that aren't witnesses! Do they sometimes drive me nuts, because I don't agree with everything they do, of course, that's human nature. But I love them anyway.
I now feel like things here on earth will change for the better when we as humans decide we're tired of it's condition, and do it. I do kind of think there's something out there willing to help us, but I'm not sure what it is. Anyway, I've ranted long enough, thanks for the great question--it's great to put my thoughts into words and to read what place other's are in too.
Becky
after watching dateline i am left with many emotions.
firt, sincere empathy for erica.
what a beautiful brave young women.
((((((((((((((((Barbara & Family))))))))))))))))
Although I have yet to see the show (no tv), I have been reading all the responsed to it online. I am very happy that you as well as the others interviewed had the courage to stand up to the borg. I hope that you continue in your efforts to expose them--the society-- for what they are. This Dateline show is only the beginning of a large avalanche--due in large part to the outspokenness and efforts of families like yours and Barb Anderson and Bill Bowen.
I personally think that more and more people will truly be disgusted by what they see, and then will stand up themselves about abuse or other mishandled cases. Think about what will happen as soon as they realize other connections between blood, organ transplants etc. and the resulting loss of life of thousands of people over the years.
Anyway, I just had to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for going public with the horrific facts of the abuse and it's cover up. Please know that you are not alone, and that so many people are grateful for all your hard work and are supporting your efforts.
Love,
Becky
yesterday (memorial day) i awoke to a slow, dull, thudding headache.
it wasn't terribly bad...i ignored it really.
neil fixed me a brunch of bacon and eggs and we sat down to eat around 12:30 or so.
Hi Everyone,
I too have found that there are food related problems to headaches and migraines. However, there is also something else you can do that doesn't require popping more pills. CHIROPRACTIC care! If you are not familiar with it, then I recommend you research it and find a chiropractic doctor you feel comfortable with.
Basically, what they do is put your spine back into alignment so that your nerve endings can transmit the proper energy to the proper places. If you have a subluxation in your neck, then you can have anything from severe mood swings (me:)), to headaches, sinus problems etc. I have found that if I make sure my body is in the proper condition to do what it's supposed to do by itself, then I have less problems to deal with.
Anyway, I hope this helps. If anyone has more questions, feel free to email me. There's a lot of helpful info out there on how to feel good without medication!
Love,
Becky (edited for spelling)
friday i was dejected.. it had been a rough week.. it all came to a head and.
heres what i craved.... trust.. i crave trust.. the word itself.
the very concept.
Spaz and Introspection and everyone else too:
Your words moved me to tears over and over again. I have been struggling with that very thing myself, trusting myself and others--and my wonderful boyfriend Jonathan has had to deal with all my varying degrees of depression as a result. That's the saddest part I think--that we end up hurting those we love the most because we don't know how to trust them. And although I don't have any better answers to how to get past that, the one thing that has helped ME the most was hearing and reading about other's experiences, emotions, feelings--whatever they were feeling at that particular time.
Thanks everyone for your words that are obviously right out of your heart--it's so healing for me and I'm sure many others.
Becky
last night i printed out an announcement about the nbc dateline show, and a silentlambs tri-fold flyer off the website.. armed with these flyers, my motorcyle .
i went on my "mission" this morning, to hit as many windshields in the local lincoln, rhode island, and pawtucket, rhode island parking lot as possible.. i managed to hit about 20, before i noticed one of the elders driving up, i was on the street at this point, and i recognized him, and he kept taking double takes at me.
(it was norman barone, for those of you locals who might know him.
Great job Zev! You should have told me--I (more than happily) would have assisted you! I think it's great when people take the initiative to INFORM others--how will they know unless they have someone to tell them?
Devon--that too was a great idea! A couple of us are planning to visit the headquarters in a few months, and we have some creative ideas to INFORM those who work there in a non-disruptive way. If anyone is interested, email me!
I hope both of you are proud of what you did--you could potentially help more children by your efforts, just like Bill, Barbara and the Pandelos are doing.
Becky
this headline appeared in the local news of the louisville.
courier-journal at:.
http://www.courier-journal.com/localnews/2002/05/25/ke052502s213061.htm
Thanks for sharing that Kenneson! They have dug their hole, and now they are wallowing in their own crap. I can't wait til Tuesday, and for the after effects of their cowardliness.
"and the walls, came tumbling down"
Becky
i just wanted to share a quick experience that happened to me on our way home to providence ri from iowa.
we had stopped at a mcd's in connecticut for me ("tiny tanks") to go potty.
as i was returning to the car, 2 different older gentlemen approached me with the magazines.
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to share a quick experience that happened to me on our way home to Providence RI from Iowa. We had stopped at a McD's in Connecticut for me ("tiny tanks") to go potty. As I was returning to the car, 2 different older gentlemen approached me with the magazines. I said, "No thanks, I don't accept literature from organizations who kick out members for blowing the whistle on pedophiles." I said it to each of them, and you could see the obvious look of confusion on their faces, and one even said "I just am offering some magazines for you to read." They just don't get it!
However, I wish I had been able to say it better, different, whatever. When those situations happen it's hard to think clearly--at least for me it is. I was shaking, excited, and exuberant all at the same time for finally being able to defend THE TRUTH to them after all the years of defending their BS to others!!!
Just wanted to share my AHA moment with everyone! Any other experiences out there?
Becky
