Posts by Etude

11

My bizarre last few days...

by CeriseRose in

so i basically spent last week hibernating with my english lit books and studying.

i had 3 essays to finish (one left and i'm slacking horridly on it) and my final exam last saturday (i think i did reallly well!

yay!).

I fully understand. However, I do realize that everyone's situation is different. Mine is such that I don't expect ever to even have a chance of talking to my family about the JW issue until any of them have made a decision to leave on their own. Doctrinal issues are strictly taboo. Furthermore, the fact that I can't be free and earnest to discuss anything with them makes it difficult to talk to them at all. So I avoid it. Incredibly, they have not officially stopped speaking to me. I get a call now and then from my youngest sister on the East coast and my Mom lives here in SoCal nearby. She does talk to me, but I can't budge her.

I few years back, my favorite nephew gave me a seriously frigid shoulder when he answered the phone. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that I "should know the reason why I can't talk to you" but that he couldn't discuss it at the moment. I was so pissed I could have choked the crap out of him, but I hung up and haven't called since. This was particularly bad since, up to that time, there had been no indications that anything was wrong, even though the knew about my DF status. He must have heard something from the Organization about dealing with DF individuals

So, I hear you loud and clear. Keep hoping and feel as I do: If the law of averages works out, it's bound to happen that sooner or later someone in the family, or an old JW friend will take a huge "stumble" out of the "Organization" and land face-first at your doorstep. I'm counting on that.

Étude.

13

I found a letter to the GB

by Etude in

it?s been a while since i?ve posted anything on the board.

i have missed all of you with whom i exchanged stories and i?m really curious about all the new discussions i?ve missed.

recently, i retired.

Etude

Hello everyone:

It?s been a while since I?ve posted anything on the board. I have missed all of you with whom I exchanged stories and I?m really curious about all the new discussions I?ve missed.

Recently, I retired. Having some time on my hands, I started cleaning up papers in my office (and my computer) and found a letter I wrote to the Watchtower Governing Body. I just wanted to share it with you because I really don?t have anyone else to share it with. I have a response from them, which I plan to post soon. Although the response is typical of what I would expect from them (I lived in Bethel for a while and got used to the ?way? things are done), it both saddened and infuriated me. I?m sure I?ll get some strong comments on the response.

Meanwhile, here is the original letter I sent to them. For a bit of background, I can tell you that at the start, I was being as kind and theocratic as possible. I was trying to persuade. I?m not sure I meant all that saccharine stuff about wanting to return to the ?Organization?, but I didn?t totally discounted it, just in case my fears turned out to be unfounded and they provided a good explanation to my questions. Please read and you?ll see what I mean. The letter is long because I had a lot to say, so please forgive that fact since I don't know any other way to post it.

Thanks.

Etude.

**************************************************

October 23, 1991

Watchtower Bible and Tract So.

124 Columbia Heights

Brooklyn, NY 11201

Attn: Governing body

Gentlemen:

I have been disassociated from the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses for several years now. After having many personal problems and weaknesses I was formally disfellowshiped for smoking.

During this terrible period in my life, as much as it hurts to be in a removed state from Jehovah's people, I knew that I would return. The training and experiences that I was privilege to were so unique as to single out this Christian way of life as the ?true one?. As the years have progressed I have tried to clean up my life in order to be deserving of returning to Jehovah's people. Indeed, I would have preferred to introduce this letter with the words "Dear brothers:" but feel unworthy to do so.

Inconveniently so, I have encountered some information that troubles me and I beg your honest response so that I can proceed with a clear conscience on the road to spiritual recovery. My life depends on it. In order to present this dilemma, I will give you a bit of background that directly affects this issue.

When I turned 18 years of age in 1970 being a baptized Witness and understanding my obligation to obey the law, I registered with the United States Selective Service. I immediately filed for conscientious objector status in order to let the government know my refusal to serve in the armed forces and my allegiance to the kingdom of God. At the time I was not a citizen of the United States and having consulted with the presiding overseer and other mature men in the congregation I attended, I knew that my options were rather limited. I could go to jail, or be deported for disobeying a law. I labored heavily on this matter. At the age of 18 some people are practically self-made. Alas, I was rather innocent about what awaited me (good or bad) partly because I was in the Truth and partly because of my familial upbringing. Being naive and innocent didn't spare me from this dilemma. I was really sweating it out since I had received number 18 in the draft lottery. Being prone to think heavily on matters made it worse -- thinking about jail, being separated from my family and friends, abruptly changing the life I had known until then for 'who know what'! (Prov. 1:18)

I think it fair to say that to this day my family is not aware of the vicissitudes I suffered in anticipation of the formal proceedings of filing forms up to the last appearance before the Appeal Board of the Selective Service System. Frankly, although they knew that these proceedings were taking place, I never discussed my feelings on this matter with them. To condense the affair and get on with my dilemma, suffice it to say that I received what I considered excellent counsel from the presiding overseer and other men in the congregation. The issue about alternative service was covered although I was puzzled by the fact that the case was put to me about two brothers who opted to serve in a hospital in lieu of military service (or jail) and did not loose any standing in the eyes of the congregation or the Watchtower Society. It apparently had been considered a matter of conscience. For me, it was not that simple. I was very tempted to take that way out, but thought that if there were any doubts in my mind about the correctness of this course I would rather suffer than compromise my beliefs. I was never quite clear on this issue since apparently these brothers had done this about 6 to 8 year prior and then the official views from the Society seemed to have changed (I don't recall on what grounds).

I felt delivered out of the mouth of lions by the hand of Jehovah when, after completing all that was required of me by the government (including a physical exam), I was given a 4F classification. Apparently I had contracted a cold that affected the results of my military physical test and therefore was rejected. The fact that everything worked out for the best (I was not deported or thrown in jail) did not diminish the price I paid for my decision. Having realized what my situation was and having taken a stand was a fait accompli. Being deported or incarcerated would have been mere motions that I had already accepted as consequences of my loyalty to God and the refusal, as I understood it, to demonstrate support, approval, or allegiance in any way to an authority other than Jehovah God. Now, I am painfully aware of the situation that has been transpiring in Mexico with the male Witnesses there.

If the following statements are incorrect, I beg you to dismiss them factually; to inform me with clear reason were the fault lies. As I stated previously, my spiritual (and eventually physical) life may depend on this:

For years I thought that the brothers in Mexico had to obtain a legal document or card that somehow cleared them from military service. That is what I understood. Now I have learned the following: 1) the card is not unique to the brothers but is required of every eligible male of military age. 2) The card is issued with the intent to show compliance with the legal requirement of all men of military age to participate in military exercises for one year. In the case of those who want to circumvent that requirement and particularly the Witnesses, the card is obtained by paying bribes to officials. Since I was born in a Latin-American country, I know that a bribe or "mordida" is a common practice, but it is clearly forbidden by Mexican law. 3) The issuance of this card places the bearer in a ?reserve? status with the military and should a national emergency arrive he would be subject to serve or be activated into the military ranks.

Someone who I used to know when I lived in New York and was a Jehovah?s Witness as well first approached me with this information. We ran into each other on the other side of the continent, here in the West Coast where I now live. I have always been an inquisitive person and endeavored to emulate those Christians in Berea, to insure that these things are so (Acts 17:11). As a young publisher I did not hesitate to spend several weekends at the main public library in Queens, N.Y. in order to research facts that I had encountered in the Watchtower Society publications. I did not do so because I doubted the organization but because I was tired of having people at the door accuse me of simply regurgitating something that some "cult" had put into my head. In most cases the Bible was authority enough but I encountered people that questioned it and particularly the New World Translation. I wanted to be able to tell them that I had personally researched biblical cyclopedias and concordances written by respected scholars whom they might accept which showed that, for example, 1 John 5:6-8 did not support the Trinity.

Since my first knowledge of this "cartilla" issue, I have come to know that Raymond Franz wrote it about it in his book "Crisis of Conscience". Because of what I have stated in the previous paragraph, I read the book where I encountered specific quotes of the articles in the Mexican constitution or Mexican decrees which seem to present compellingly the significance of the card for military service. The compelling point is not that Raymond Franz wrote it but that the legal edicts directly place the Mexican Witnesses in a terrible position. I am expectant of a copy of the Mexican constitution, which I have requested from the public library in order to verify with my own eyes and interpret for myself that this is so. (Prov. 18:13)

At the first international assembly of Jehovah's Witnesses in Yankee Stadium in New York, I remember asking a visiting brother from Mexico about their military/political standing being aware of their "non-religious" status of Jehovah's Witnesses since the organization is a "cultural" group. There is where I first learned of the required "cartilla". What prompted my conversation was not just the grandeur of such a never before seen gathering of international brothers, but an issue that affected us all -- the persecution of the brothers in Malawi. Not knowing exactly what was happening in Mexico, this situation never bothered me and was not an issue until now. If all this is true, the implications are enormous. Can you please clarify this issue? Did the Watchtower Society and governing body know about the practice in Mexico? If so, why would it have been wrong for me to accept work in a hospital in lieu of military service when the brothers in Mexico were and are considered to be in 'military reserve' status? Most importantly, how could the Watchtower Society have allowed the brothers in Malawi to conclude that their refusal to legally buy a party card to not violate their spiritual integrity is correct when allowing the brothers in Mexico to think that it is a matter of conscience to go on with a practice that is illegal, even if it is popular, and places them squarely in the ranks of the military.

I would like to know that the organization of the True God tries to be just like He is. I was always impressed with the bluntness and frankness of the Bible to present even the most indecorous things that even the most faithful servants of God did. I do not wish to remain spiritually in "no man's land". I do not wish or think it proper at this time to state the implications about this organization when it keeps silent about such an alarming issue. I DO wish to know that the 'organization', meaning those who make policies are big enough to admit their mistakes (if there is such a mistake) and let the rest of us who live in spiritual uncertainty know that we have brethren not just in belief but in actual human failings and weaknesses. All is not lost with me. To know that such a situation really did occur as a matter of policy from the official organization of the Watchtower Society or from the governing body of Jehovah's Witnesses does not make me condemn the organization or repudiate the people with whom I shared so much spiritual joy. It does not make me believe less in Jehovah God or think that the Jehovah's Witnesses do not 'walk with God'. My family -- mother, sisters and brothers-in-law -- are still faithfully in association with the Jehovah's Witnesses and constantly admonish me to settle-up with this dilemma. But it was one who used to be my best friend and is now an elder in a congregation that suggested that I write to you directly (since I've been out of touch) in order to settle my mind. Would you please help? I will pray and await your response.

Sincerely

[Name reserved]

15

Looking Forward To Ur Free Life Or Stil Reflecting And Living A Bitter Past

by m0nk3y in

jw
friends

having grown up in the jw teaching till the age of 21 and having an alcoholic/abusive father not to mention other f*%$ed up past elements of my life .. i have to say i am overall looking forward to my future as i'm now free of jw oppression.

but what i have notice a great deal in this forum is there alot of x-jws that are very bitter about their past lives and seem completely focused on how f*%$ed up their lives have been.

they don't seem to have an ounce of positveness to their attitude and this concerns me.

Etude

m0nk3y:

I don’t know what your past was like, but it may help you understand how people feel and why they react the way they do by considering their diversity and the existing circumstances they live with.

In many cases, it is almost impossible to leave the issue of the Jehovah’s Witnesses behind because many of us still have family members that are captive. Many of them are close and act as a constant reminder of the Organization and its policies. It may be easy for some who have exited the Organization to leave those love ones behind as well, but you should be able to at least accept that it may be hard for others. Considering the close family ties that some individuals have, it may be impossible to abandon them and not be exposed daily to the issues concerning the Watchtower Society, particularly if the other close person is a spouse.

The same can be said for people we’ve come to know and considered as family. It’s not always easy to just drop all your feelings for someone simply because you can’t talk to them anymore. Instead of hating that person or even just not caring, we come to understand that they are simply misplaced. We hope that some day they come to their senses. In the mean time, if you think about them you’re going to think about what the Organization has done and what manipulative, deceiving liars they are. I hope that my sense of what injustice is never dilutes and renders me apathetic to the continuing and future pain the Jehovah’s Witnesses cause and will cause on untold others.

The fact that we can be angry (yes even bitter) about that doesn’t mean that many of us have not gone on with our lives. I for one am quite adjusted and appreciate my current life filled with good friends and a wonderful loving wife. I’m sure that similar circumstances apply to many people on this forum. For some, it’s an outlet, for others a pastime. For me, it’s cathartic. It’s a quasi-public vindication that I won a huge internal personal battle overcoming a great moral struggle. It has made me a better person.

Even so, and in spite of all the positive things I mentioned, I’d still like to take a shot at the Watchtower Society whenever I can. Groups like that should not be allowed to bring more pain into the world than there already is. I suppose that writing in this forum serves that purpose whenever people can help and give comfort to some that have recently broken away from the Organization.

The varying degrees of reaction from ex-Witnesses is not any different than those experienced by other people who have experience traumatic events. Some women who are raped never really recover. Others are able to go on and lead happy lives. That doesn’t mean they forget and maybe even start a cause to protect other women. Perhaps your experience with the Jehovah’s Witnesses was not as traumatic as it was for some others. My sure as hell was. That’s why the freedom from them is so much sweeter and my criticism of them some much more worthwhile.

Etude.

15

Can Good Exist Without Evil??

by Sargon in

some ponderings:.

the laws of physics tell us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

good and evil are equal and opposites of the same concept.

Etude

Sorry for misspelling “Berkeley” Etude.

15

Can Good Exist Without Evil??

by Sargon in

some ponderings:.

the laws of physics tell us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

good and evil are equal and opposites of the same concept.

Etude

Who defines "good" and "evil"? That is very subjective. I remember pondering on the subject and set myself an example. If a parent tells a toddler not to go near a flight of stairs for fear that the child may fall, the parent is determining for that child that going near the stairs is “bad”. Going near the stairs is not inherently bad because adults do it. But given the circumstances and obvious consequences for a child, it is “bad”. Extrapolating this to more complex issues, it seems to me that “bad” or “evil” and “good” depend on the definition of a higher authority. In our world, that authority can be the community, the government, God or a sense of morality in general.

I don’t have any particular examples, but I’m sure one can come up with situations that are perfectly OK (moral or good) in one society and not in another. The same applies to laws. When it comes to morality, since humans seem to have some sense of it (bad or good), it seems to me that the “true” definition of what is moral, immoral, good or evil, would depend on a higher authority, ultimately a Supreme Being. If you don’t believe in a Supreme Being, then that authority lies pretty much within what oneself is willing to recognize as a final arbiter within ones ethics.

That’s why I’ve never had a problem with the Biblical accounting of Adam and Eve. Obviously, eating of the fruit was not an “evil” or “bad” act in it self. The determination was made for them as to what was bad and the only “sin” was to disobey someone who had determined himself to be their moral guide, their higher authority. The “sin” was to choosing to not accept or reject that higher authority for whatever selfish reason and supplanting themselves as the ultimate authority. Having been created with the ability to choose, they exercised it. They were not flawed or imperfect. They were perfectly able to choose according to the way they were built.

I’ve had my doubts about a Supreme Being. But the only thing that keeps me from disbelieving in one at all is that the universe would be in pretty sad shape if somewhere along the way we could not defer how we are to conduct ourselves to a higher arbiter of what is right and good and evil. Killing is not wrong. Killing for the wrong reason (whatever has been determined by a common accepted higher entity) is what we generally considered wrong. Within this set of parameters there’s room for the possibility that there’s no higher intelligence to guide us. Some people feel that eventually humanity may come to terms with it self and achieve a universal moral standard of good and evil. I don’t have that kind of confidence.

The philosopher Berkley (why do people pronounce it ‘Barkley’?) gives an example: “If a lute be not well tuned, the musician fails of its harmony.” Does that mean that the note is “bad”? Well, yes, but only in the context of the musician and anyone who appreciates music. Otherwise, it’s just a sound, neither good nor bad. Was it Berkley who spoke of “cause and effect”? They are different sides of the same coin. They are inextricably related to each other. Speaking of relativity (by way of cause and effect), Einstein suggested that the presence of matter “defines” space itself. There’s no point of speaking about space if there’s no matter in it. One thing defines the other. Can you have a cause without an effect or the other way around? I can’t imagine it. The problem is determining which is the cause and which is the effect. To me it’s the same with good and evil. By defining one or the other, we are saying something about it’s opposite. They are inseparable.

Does that mean that each has to be experienced? No! It’s different with inexact non-quantitive issues like morality. I can be in a state of happiness without having to experience unhappiness. I can also experience a state of being alive without being dead. But, I know that death is the opposite of living, thinking the opposite of not thinking, feeling the opposite of not feeling. It’s the gist of what Solomon was saying in Ecclesiastes. I can imagine being filthy rich without ever being so. The opposite of being filthy rich is not being terribly poor. It is NOT being filthy rich. The opposite of feeling love is not feeling hate. It is NOT feeling love. But, feeling love defines it’s opposite. Feeling defines NOT feeling. Good defines evil or bad, which is what we call 'NOT good'. Must evil exist? Yes, by definition. Does it HAVE to be experienced? No, but it would surely be nice to see a day when such negative experiences are eradicated from humanity.

Etude

2

Female child molesters.

by Etude in

yesterday, i saw a local news segment, here in southern california that covered the subject of child abuse.

it declared that almost 50 percent of child abusers are women.

apparently, its not talked about much and women seem to get away with it a lot more for that very reason.

Etude

Yesterday, I saw a local news segment, here in Southern California that covered the subject of child abuse. It declared that almost 50 percent of child abusers are women. Apparently, it’s not talked about much and women seem to get away with it a lot more for that very reason. Children, especially boys, are much more reluctant to talk about it and may be silenced by outside pressure that colors the abuse as a “notch on your pole”. Apparently, after the movie “Antwone Fisher” (which I haven’t yet seen), many boys and men have come forward, admitting that a woman sexually abused them. It seems the movie makes mention of Antowone’s rape by an aunt. I wonder how many women are among the 26 odd thousand in the Watchtower’s list?

Etude.

56

Is everyone on this Web Board a Jehovah's Witness Basher?

by sandy in

jw
friends

i grew up in the religion and was baptized at.............supposedly the most important day in our lives and i cannot remember how old i actually was, anyways...... i believe it was 13 or 14. i was never disfellowshipped.

i have a "worldly" boyfriend whom i love dearly, and i no longer attend the "meetings".

i do not disagree with the organization entirely; in fact i am not even sure if i disagree with it at all.

Etude

“Like I said I am not interested in uncovering the faults in the JW religion, I am just looking for an understanding heart.”

Sandy, please bear with me and realize that I’m speaking with kindness. But, I’m really confused! From your statement above, are you saying that you don’t think or aren't willing to entertain the idea that there are any faults in the doctrines of the Watchtower Society or are you saying that even if there were, you’re not interested in finding them out? If the case is the latter, I doubt that anything anyone says here will help you. As you have seen there are some sympathetic people towards God and even some of the teachings of the Watchtower. But, they’re not blind to the serious problems that plague the Organization.

I remember encountering a Catholic man while I was going from house to house during Field Service who firmly believed that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was always a virgin. When I showed him some Bible texts that indicated the contrary, he responded this way: “Well, that seems right, but I’m a Catholic and will always be a Catholic and that’s the way I’ll remain.” After we exchanged a few more words, it was clear that he’d rather remain “believing” (accepting) something that he was just shown to not be true than to change his way of life. There is nothing worse in my book than a blind man who doesn’t want to see.

From what I gather in your message, you had it easy. You were raised in the “Truth” and just simply shied away from it. Apparently you didn’t have to face the opprobrium that “brothers” and “sisters” and even family members can cast upon you by shunning you and making you feel less than a human being. When it becomes personal, it means so much more. When you suffer, it makes you realize and appreciate what really counts. It makes you question what sort of Organization is one that seems at times to act the opposite of what Jesus commanded. None of this takes away from the fact that there are a lot of good people in the Organization. But, even people with the best of intentions can also do harm. Most of my family will not speak to me anymore and I happen to know that they are good people, although misguided.

What makes a person reject another after a lifetime of family ties? What makes a seemingly moral individual turn his back on a child who is being sexually abused? If you are “not interested in uncovering the faults in the JW” Organization, if you’re not interested in knowing how those teachings encourage such behavior, you might do OK if you go back. I do hope that you don’t invest too much of your life in it, because sooner or later, you will receive a huge disappointment.

For many of us, that experience has been emotionally and spiritually devastating. That’s why you see so much anger, which you may interpret as ”JW bashing”. You say you want an “understanding heart”. Does that mean someone to agree with the way you’re leaning? Or, do you want people who care and tell you the truth as they see it, so that you can make an informed choice? Well, we understand and that’s why we welcome you in spite of your ambivalence with open arms. Hang around a while. Kick your shoes off.

Etude.

41

Did You Really Understand What You Were Getting Into When You Got Baptized?

by minimus in

jw
friends

the majority of people who become jehovah's witnesses, really have no idea what they've gotten themselves into.

did you truly understand those baptismal vows that you made?

Etude

Yes. I knew what I was getting into. I was entering a life of dedication, of temporary sexual abstinence (I hope that I would get married some day), going from door to door, giving up going to college, waiting for the "New System of Things". At least that's what I understood at the time and I thought long and hard about it. I was 17. I remember the anxiety I experienced tying to make a decision. The decision was to choose to be selfish like Adam and do my own thing, or give into Jehovah and do His will. It's always black and white with cults. There are no multiple choices.

A few years after I was baptized is when I discovered the bait-and-switch. Serving Jehovah meant doing what the Organization said. Sexual abstinence meant putting off my natural male urges. A life of dedication meant doing their bidding to the exclusion of anything else that's fun and makes you grow as an individual. Not going to college meant the possible prospect of remaining uneducated and gullible, just the way they want you to be. Waiting for the "New System of Things" meant putting on those rose-colored glasses and ignoring the realities of the world. What a waste. I must say that after I broke loose, the pendulum swung hard in the opposite direction. I got all my licks in. I think I'm pretty much caught up now, to point that I'm settled; I'm happily married; I'm getting my degree in E-Business; l have traveled to other parts of the world and have a great set of friends right here where I live. Life ain't perfect, but it sure beats the illusion and subsequent depression that I experienced while I was a JW.

Now, I have an aversion to “join” and commit to any group. I think that even if I truly liked bowling, I still wouldn’t join a league.

Etude.

28

help please

by Scooby in

i just wanted to see if anyone out there could help with my situation.

my husband and i are inactive witnesses very very recently.

we separated as we are both very unhappy with our lives.. my husband was raised a jw and has gotten flack his whole life by elders.

Etude

Scooby:

From your description, it sounds like your husband is still “on the fence” even though you’re both inactive, hence his guilt. Not being able to repudiate the Organization altogether, it may be a mistake to push him out by confronting him (by whatever means) with anti-Watchtower information and sentiment. It’s a stage that many of us have gone through were we have problems with the organization but still think that it’s the “Truth” and are reluctant to leave it. Something has to take its place. Whatever that is, maybe a realization of its fundamental flaws or severe shake up in a belief in God, it has to come to the individual himself and not pushed upon him or her. But that takes time. I suppose a counselor would be good if he/she concentrates on positive individual worth rather than on the negative aspects of what happened to him, to both of you. Sometimes when confronted in a negative way, we tend to be defensive, even about the very thing we have a problem with.

In spite of the acceptance that I have acquired through the years that the Watchtower and the Jehovah’s Witnesses are a cult, it does not cease to enrage me when I hear about situations such as your husband’s. I guess most people with any shred of humanity will react the same way at an obvious injustice. The problem is that Witnesses have been trained to suppress their humanity for the sake of the Organization. I think everyone’s comments are right on the money: There’s jealousy in the elder’s actions; There’s pettiness; There’s local interpretation and inconsistency, and there’s lack of Christian love as we have learned it from them. It would be great if he could realize these things for himself and see the Organization for what it really is.

Going to a counselor wouldn’t hurt. I do recommend that you interview the person (perhaps several) first and explain the situation in order to determine if that individual would be suitable to help. Learn all you can about the serious issues that have put in doubt the infallibility of the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ biblical interpretations and gently provide them to your husband. You also need to be patient with him and give him time to accept his situation. If he kowtows and stays, he and you will continue to be unhappy. You sound like you love him enough to hang in there. Hang in there! I guess the adage still rings true that wisdom is found in the voice of many. Even if not all of the advice is sound, one is in a better position to take what is good and learn from what is not. We’re here for you.

Etude.

11

The good, the bad and the ugly.

by Etude in

i had posted some comments on another thread about good and bad witnesses in response to a request, but i think i waited too long and the thread died before anyone read post.

i'd like to start a new thread just to share some of my experiences, particularly at bethel.

here's the previous post: .

Etude

OK, Nighwarrior. I guess juicy is subjective. I was witness to my share of scandals. While I was there, there was a witch-hunt to find anyone who was involved in a homosexual scandal. Many people left, including a good friend who had arrived in my group back 74. I know it was a witch-hunt because my fried told me all about it. And when he left, he went back to his congregation without any problems. Had he done something wrong, he would have been censured. Ill get to that at another time. Im also looking for a photo of something that happened at one of the buildings (the old Squibb building) that I think might surprise some people. Typically, it was not publicized at all by the WT and only mildly spread through the congregations. Stay tuned. In the mean time, heres another excerpt of my story. This takes place early on before I was baptized:

Sometimes I wonder how I ever became a Witness when I consider some of the things I went through. For example: on several occasions when Johnny would come and pick me up to go to the Book Study, instead of going to the regular one in our area, he would suggest we go to the one that Juan attended. After three or four of these arrangements, it turned out to be too late to attend the Book Study on time. Our trips to Juans place for the purpose of going to a Book Study had become more of social get-together. Wanting to make use of the time, since we had missed the Book Study, it was suggested (I dont remember how) that we go for a cruise. For whatever excuse, we ended up at the Bowery district in lower Manhattan. Ultimately what happened was that we ended up watching the hookers from our vehicle picking up clients on the street. At one point Johnny, on a dare, went up to a stand on a corner where there was a prostitute hustling. He just wanted to see how far she would go. Sure enough, she approached him and as she leaned over the counter, I could see she wasnt wearing any panties. They had a big laugh about that. Since I had not experienced anything like that before, for me, it was like watching a car crash. You know whats going to happen, but you cant turn away and not look.

It turns out, as I later learned, that Johnny had been censured in the congregation because he had taken Alma, his fiance to a motel to have sex. Apparently, the whole thing had been kept quiet and their engagement had continued. I do remember listening to that little voice in the back of my head while prowling around the Bowery saying: This isnt right. In spite of that, I plodded on and matured in the organization. It was probably around 1969 and I had come to the point where I was going to have the privilege of giving my first talk in the second school. This was usually conducted in a back room of the Kingdom Hall with a small group of brothers and sisters and not in the main hall in front of the congregation. That was prime time. I had relied upon my High School training to compose a short discourse on some topic and I thought that I had made a good try. I dont remember whether it was good or not, I was extremely nervous, but Ill never forget the overseers, brother Chastains, criticism of my presentation. He asked the audience: What is the first thing we have to do when we compose a sermon? Hes answer was Think! Meaning that I hadnt. Regardless of how poor my presentation was, I thought that his comment was tactless. In fact, another brother, Rene Vasquez who had been a missionary in Spain, made additional comments to attempt to soothe the situation and even offered a bit of praise for my effort. Had it not been for that, I would have been totally discouraged to give any further talks.

It was at that Queens Crescent Street Spanish congregation that I met Raymond Franz, who later became a member of the Governing Body and Thomas Cabeen, who lived at Bethel, the home for the mostly specially called youth at the headquarters of the Watchtower Society in Brooklyn Heights, N.Y. I remember asking Thomas once while he and Raymond Franz and a few other people were crowed in a car on our way to field service: Tom, whats Bethel like? He sort of chuckled and said: Its like nothing youve ever experienced before! Its like no other place on Earth. Even then, I understood that he had had experiences that would categorize the place as not being close to Eden. I accepted that and strangely enough, I didnt judge him negatively for it. After all, he knew what he was saying, without saying too much.

Etude.