Posts by Check_Your

283

Time again for........ Congregation roll call

by Jourles in

it's been a while since this topic has been brought up.

use it as a chance to see if there is someone you might know from years past.

1973-1976 --- lakeside, ca??

What do I do when jw wife feels down / "uninterested" in spiritial things?

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

every so often, say once or twice a year, my wife gets kind of down.. she goes through a period of inactivity in her jw duties.

it usually has to do with field service.

she hates field service.

I of course have NO intention of fixing her. It is more of a situation where I am standing on the sidelines as she fights her own battles. I cheer her on when I think she needs it. That is what a friend does. I try to advise and caution her from the perspective of one who has NO delusions about what the org is. I also try to protect the children and myself from any jw silliness. In fact, that is my number one priority.

Actually, I have another topic I want to discuss, and maybe I can fit some of your suggestions into that topic.

Good to see you Jeff. Yeah, I don't spend to much time here these days. If I do, I just get all worked up. I have to live this stuff. The last thing I need is to spend a bunch of time talking about how much I hate it. Just to much negativity. There is a time when it is good for a person to spend alot of time here. Then I think there is a point where it is good not to spend so much time.

matt

13

What do I do when jw wife feels down / "uninterested" in spiritial things?

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

every so often, say once or twice a year, my wife gets kind of down.. she goes through a period of inactivity in her jw duties.

it usually has to do with field service.

she hates field service.

Check_Your_Premises

Every so often, say once or twice a year, my wife gets kind of down.

She goes through a period of inactivity in her jw duties. It usually has to do with field service. She hates field service. She is pretty good about going to the meetings even when she is down.

My question though, is how to handle these times?

The first time I got all excited because I thought she was ready to leave! I started pushing in that direction. She immediately withdrew from the conversation and began a six month jw marathon of zealotry. Which is fine, but it wasn't what I had in mind at the time.

The last few times I tried to talk to her about "shoulds". SHoulds are a horrible motivator. When we whip ourselves with shoulds, we just bring ourselves down, which makes us less likely to be motivated to act in the way that we want. I try to tell her not to feel bad, this is a temporary condition, and she should not beat herself up.

She usually then goes into a thing about how we need to feel bad when we aren't doing what we should... if she didn't feel bad then why would she change.

Then the kids start fighting, or someone starts crying, or someone wants something, or there is something spilled on the carpet... then she cuts off the conversation with a "I'm fine don't worry about it." Then I just spend the rest of the night hugging her and distracting her... trying not to soothe... but also trying not to seem like a bad influence.

I just think there is a better way for me to handle these times. What is the right thing to say to a jw when they are like this. Ultimately I hope she would see that her religion has made faith a BURDEN. At a minimum I would like her to accept that she will go through these times, and not fear that such times will lead to spiritual free fall... and not to loathe herself so much for experiencing these times.

Thoughts?

38

Dilemma - What can I offer my wife if she leaves the witnesses?

by truthseeker in

jw
friends

this week, my wife called me an "opposing husband" - because i stopped believing that jehovah chose the watchtower society as his sole channel on earth.. .

my wife knows about the society, it's flip-flop on doctrines, child sex abuse scandals, including the un, but none of that matters.. .

she doesn't read the litertaure, not even the bible.. .

Check_Your_Premises

Being an unbelieving mate is always tough duty.

You are married to someone who is absolutely certain that she has the truth. You therefore by rejecting it, can only then be ignorant or evil. You have to then prove that you are neither.

I do this with all the dubs in my life. It takes a little time but they learn to back off and respect you. You do have to show that you do believe in God, and the tenets of Christianity. You have to be even more committed to what you beleive than they are. Be a BETTER christian than they are. This is just for show mind you. I don't think that such metrics should be applied to our faith. But it is important FOR THEM, to show them that you can be a very decent person without being a jw.

There you are, demonstrably, not evil.

Now to prove you are not ignorant; pick a subject, any subject. Preferably find some subjects that you can REALLY clean a jw's clock on. Blood is probably the easiest mark because it is just so ghastly, awful, and completely WRONG from the standpoint of the scriptures. If you need help with that let me know. I have a write up of 41 questions on blood that has really gotten quite a few dubs to back off with their two-bit, snobby attitude.

Now that you are armed with a few very understandable subjects that force you to reject the jw as a matter of CONSCIENCE. Simply reiterate that theme, time and time again.

Most importantly, you must check your attitudes. One of the hardest things to do is to be RESPECTFUL of your wife's beliefs. But that is the thing. If you want her to give you respect, you have to respect her. And that goes with all JW. Yes, I think they are a cult. Yes, I think my wife is under mind control. But I dont' come at her that way. I simply have given up all my resentment towards her for being a jw. I respect her, and I know her faith in the jw is very important to her. I wouldn't want to hurt her in any way. I do hope that she is able to overcome this spiritual addiction, but I also know that I have NO CONTROL over that outcome. I counsel, I provoke thought, I never try to disrupt her beliefs. If she is ready to question, she will question. And I will be there to help. She will have no shame, or regrets, or I told you so's coming from me.

Just some fuzzy, 5am before my coffee, braindroppings.

Matt

4

Could someone point me to the links discussing the shorter sunday meetings?

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

sorry, i looked around and didn't see any

Check_Your_Premises

Sorry, I looked around and didn't see any

34

How many have wives who think it's the truth?

by drew sagan in

jw
friends

the idea for this thread was sparked by seeing that a lot of guys thought that the latest km article would be a great talking point.

there are a number of jwd poster who have lived through the hell of having a wife who thinks it is the truth.

i am happy to say that i have been through it and survived.

Check_Your_Premises

Drew,

Count me in. That is why I showed up here.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/86473/1.ashx

So you are wanting to use this thread to get all your insights and ideas on having a jw wife out?

Long thread! Also I think every situation is different enough to be it's own book. My book would be How to Survive Being Married to Mrs. CYP. It helps if your jw wife is very dedicated to staying married to you. Having children makes sure that cooler heads prevail in such matters.

I guess it depends on what your goal is.

If your goal is to "get them out" I would say it might work, and has for some folks.

If your goal is to "not get divorced" then I would say that the key is figuring out how to have a respectful attitude. Realizing that, for me, was the key event. I also think it is helping in goal number one, but I don't really think about it that way anymore. I don't think people leave until they are ready.

I started with a Steven Hassan approach, but that left me with an attitude of a scientist studying some guinea pig. This was my wife!!! Not to say that Hassan's stuff doesn't have a great deal of merit.

What finally worked for me was to accept her cult involvement and see it as an affliction, like alcoholism. Once I did that I was able to inoke that model. I protect myself and the children first. I DO NOT protect her from the consequences of the life she has chosen. I will not pretend and play along that WT screwiness is anything credible. I absolutely love her. If she is ever ready to leave, she knows she would never get any crap from me, only my support.

Detente.

Reagan correctly hated that word, but this is not a victory we can win or a fight we should fight. It is to be left to God and to our spouses. If they never leave, oh well, there really are worse things.

Matt

1

It seems coverage of settlement isn't as widespread as initial abuse story

by Check_Your_Premises in

i remember when the dateline special hit.

i was a naiive ubm in waiting and the folks we were studying with made a special appointment with us to do damage control.

undoubtedly they were instructed to do so.

Check_Your_Premises

I remember when the Dateline special hit. I was a naiive ubm in waiting and the folks we were studying with made a special appointment with us to do damage control. Undoubtedly they were instructed to do so.

Then at the next convention following the special, the speaker made this remarkeable comment, "Unlike the Catholic Church, we made it clear from the beginning that abuse of children is WRONG!!!" (THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE)

My point is, that at this point, the coverage does not seem to rise to the level where the org feels they need to address it PUBLICLY within the org.

I really hope that changes. They are hoping that they get by unnoticed on this one.

BTW, do we at least have an unsubstantiated rumor as to the AMOUNT of the settlement?

CYP

229

ALERT: All Child Abuse Lawsuits have been settled. Millions cashed out???

by What-A-Coincidence in

re: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/8/116108/1.ashx.

a bethel insider in the know told me that all of the child abuse lawsuits where the watchtower bible and tract society was one of the defendants were settled back in the beginning of this year.

i questioned it and called napa myself and they were absolutely settled back then.

Check_Your_Premises

I have one question.... (and not enough time to read through ALL these comments)

Is there any EVIDENCE that there has been a settlement outside of rumor and speculation?

Because if there is... that is enough. Oh how I remember the way the jw's I know would pour their disgust on the Catholic CHurch and their incredulity on those who PUT MONEY IN THE PLATE TO PAY FOR THESE JUDGEMENTS.

A settelement is tantamount to an admission of liability. That is why when people are absolutely innocent, they don't strike a deal.

SO back to my original question. Do we KNOW that there was a settlement? If not, why not? I remember when Michael Jackson settled in the original child molestor case, it was widely reported. I mean, when there is a settlement, there are court documents produced... no? aka EVIDENCE.

Do we have any?

CYP

13

JW's to those who died in 'Jonestown'

by KW13 in

jw
friends

it frightens me to think there is even the slightest link.

i have doubts the society would do such a huge thing as passing the poisoned fruit juice but in many other ways they have followers ready to kill themselves for the 'cause'.. no blood etc.

then you get the explempary dubs who were killed by nazi's for their faith.

Check_Your_Premises

Actually, as a Christian I have thought of that very dynamic.

Christ said that he who denies me, so will I deny to my Father.

On the other hand, what if they day comes for me, where Christians are being fed to the lions. What if someone told me, "Deny Christ or we will rape, torture, and kill your children while you watch".

Do I refuse in order to guarantee my place with the Lord?

And if so, how does this reconcile with the command to "do unto others". I am quite certain that were I the small child on the receiving end of such an offer, I would want the denial to be done unto me.

Scylla or the Charybdis.

Bad or worse.

Such is the human condition.

CYP

11

Question on the new light regarding annointed and 1935

by Check_Your_Premises in

i see there is some new light out there regarding the date when the ranks of the annointed stopped being filled.

as everyone knows, this was probably the most untenable aspect of the annointed/two classes of christian doctrine because, tick-tock, the world hasn't ended yet and we are quickly running out of people who could credibly have been annointed and lived before 1935.. my question:.

wasn't this date given it's credibility (since there was no scriptural basis for selecting this date) by rutheford claiming that an angel told him?.

Check_Your_Premises

I see there is some new light out there regarding the date when the ranks of the annointed stopped being filled.

As everyone knows, this was probably the MOST untenable aspect of the annointed/two classes of Christian doctrine because, tick-tock, the world hasn't ended yet and we are quickly running out of people who could credibly have been annointed AND lived before 1935.

My Question:

Wasn't this date given it's credibility (since there was no scriptural basis for selecting this date) by Rutheford claiming that an angel told him?

Sorry if this has been beaten to death already. I haven't been around for awhile.

CYP

Check_Your_Premises

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