caligirl

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Posts by caligirl

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  23

  Ozzie's Weekend Poll #28

  by ozziepost in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  how's this weekend faring?

  today mrs ozzie and i have been to our second xmas end-of-year party of the season.

  food good, beer ok, but no shiraz!

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  caligirl

  2,13,14, 16 - christmas trees, especially loved going to my grandmothers that time of year because I could stare at the tree and know my parents were in another room and couldn't see me.
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  10

  Help with stepson

  by caligirl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i started this post under kids and parenting, then i realized that not nearly as many people look under there, so i put it here also.. my stepson lives with his "witness" mother.

  he is early teens, and recently baptized (he tells us it is because other kids his age did it) he has heard my son talk about holidays and had no qualms accepting christmas gifts from my family last year.

  i think he knows that we are fully "out", though the subject has never been discussed.

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  caligirl

  Thanks everyone for your replies.

  Scully, he lives in a state that does not allow the children to choose. We could sue for custody, at a cost of $15000 or more with no guaranteed outcome, but we cannot afford it. About the only way it could work is if he gets tired enough of what he has to live with to call an attorney for himself and have this attorney petition for him for a change in custody. The problem with that is, if a judge decides not to let him, she will make his life more of a living hell than it already is for "betraying" her by asking to live with his father. She has pulled some absolutely ridiculous stunts and has no problem lying in court. If we were to sue, it is very possible that she could intimidate and browbeat him to the point of forcing him to lie to a judge and say that he does not want to live here. We are just praying for him to have the courage to escape the situation. Whether that is now or in a few years when her opinion won't matter anymore remains to be seen. I do beleive that he is miserable, just by how he reacts to having to leave our home. He is a great kid that makes the best of his situation. But a kid should not have to tiptoe through everyday life out of fear of triggering her rage- which from everything I have been told is quite a sight. It makes me so angry to see a child have to live like that! I just pray that he develops the strength to stand up to her and get himself out of there.

  
  Been there, I agree. What we have to lose as adults does not compare with what he has to lose, and I do not think that he has real comprehension of what he did when he got baptized.To him, it was what other kids his age were doing, and not a big deal. I can relate. I did the same thing at his age. If he were living with us, getting DF'd would have no real affect on his daily life, but if that ever happens while he lives with her, his life would be too nightmarish to contemplate.
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  24

  Have you ever been in a car accident?

  by back2dafront in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  just curious how many people have been the driver in a car/motorcycle accident.

  i've been driving for 12 years now and have up and down the east coast numerous times, across country and up and down the west coast numerous times.

  plus my commute to work for the past 2 years is 95 miles round trip.

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  caligirl

  I wasn't driving, but we were in one on the way home from an assembly when I was 16 - T-boned a truck that had spun out on black ice. I broke my back and spent 3 months flat on my back in a body cast and 3 in a brace because of choosing not to have back surgery due to the "risk" of needing blood (duh). In our area, they stopped praying for everyone to be protected on the ride home after that. All fine now, just shorter by an inch or two because of the type of fracture, and have back spasms from tearing the ligaments & tendons - which compared to being paralyzed is a very small price to pay and one I will gladly endure. It took 6 months after I was up and around before I could go back on an interstate, and 4 years before I would ride with anyone in a small car.
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  10

  Help with stepson

  by caligirl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i started this post under kids and parenting, then i realized that not nearly as many people look under there, so i put it here also.. my stepson lives with his "witness" mother.

  he is early teens, and recently baptized (he tells us it is because other kids his age did it) he has heard my son talk about holidays and had no qualms accepting christmas gifts from my family last year.

  i think he knows that we are fully "out", though the subject has never been discussed.

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  caligirl

  Serious issues is an understatement for her!! And she has created an enormous amount of financial and physical stress for us from the very beginning, to the point that I now have panic disorder that reqires medication. When he is here, he does not ask to go to meetings or even mention it, and judging by what explorer's history shows, spiritual thoughts are not predominant! His mother has sent watchtowers with him,and they remained on the floor under his bed the whole time he was here( 3 weeks), she has written letters threatening that he will reject his father for not supporting his "public declaration", and it just goes on and on ad nauseum. It appears, at least right now, that his adolescent mind is not absorbed in the witness world. I am not concerned with a bad reaction from him since we have a great relationship, and she already hates me because my stepson has stated that I am the mother he has never had - she forbids him to speak with me when he is "with her" so the only time I get to talk to him is if he is able to call when she is not around.

  He has been through so much living all these years with her that it breaks my heart every time we put him on the plane. He never wants to go. We do not want to place any more pressure on him. But at the same time, it is stressful for us to have to make changes, such as removing all evidence of christmas decorations before he gets here, or having to make sure we don't talk about certain aspects of our life when he is here or cringing when my son mentions that I took him to see Santa Clause 2. It really takes an emotional toll. I want it all in the open, but I also do not want to cause him any distress, but I do not think that it is possible or necessarily healthy to protect him from reality. He lives in a "home" (term used lightly) where he is constantly exposed to raging fights between his mother and stepfather (both of whom are supposively good little witnesses). His time with us provides him with much needed peace and a loving atmosphere that he does not get the rest of the year. So therein lies the dilemma. Weighing the risk of laying it all out for him and hoping he is ok with it vs. continuing to cause ourselves the stress of hiding a small portion of who we are when he is with us. I lean more towards thinking that he would accept it just fine, but there is that small area of doubt that has kept us from broaching the subject thus far.

  My son will be here this year (he was with his father last year) and so will my sister, who has never had a christmas tree. I want so badly to have the tree here so that they can enjoy it and we can feel like it is a real christmas, but at the same time, not at the expense of my stepson or my husbands friendships, which have been around long before I came on the scene and their feelings are extremely important to me. I am willing to take the blame so to speak and lay sole claim to all decorations if we leave them up, but that would still have repercussions on my husband's realtionship with his friends.
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  10

  Help with stepson

  by caligirl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i started this post under kids and parenting, then i realized that not nearly as many people look under there, so i put it here also.. my stepson lives with his "witness" mother.

  he is early teens, and recently baptized (he tells us it is because other kids his age did it) he has heard my son talk about holidays and had no qualms accepting christmas gifts from my family last year.

  i think he knows that we are fully "out", though the subject has never been discussed.

  1. 
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• 

  caligirl

  I started this post under kids and parenting, then I realized that not nearly as many people look under there, so I put it here also.

  My stepson lives with his "witness" mother. He is early teens, and recently baptized (he tells us it is because other kids his age did it) He has heard my son talk about holidays and had no qualms accepting christmas gifts from my family last year. I think he knows that we are fully "out", though the subject has never been discussed. He knows that life in our house is different, in a good way, from his life with his mentally ill mother. I am worried that we cannot expect him to be open and comfortable discussing how he feels with us if we are secretive about how we live our life when he is around. If he were to "spill the beans" so to speak (which has happened regarding other issues in the past) about the fact that we celebrate holidays, his mother will set out to see that my husband is disfellowshipped and have absolutely no qualms about causing trauma to her son. She has repeatedly demonstrated that her sons well being and feelings are irrelevant to her agenda, and her ultimate goal is to sever his relationship with his father. Any suggestions on how to broach the subject with him? Or should we leave it alone?
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  1

  Help with stepchild

  by caligirl in

  1. social
  2. family

  my stepson lives with his "witness" mother.

  he is early teens, and recently baptized (he tells us it is because other kids his age did it) he has heard my son talk about holidays and had no qualms accepting christmas gifts from my family last year.

  i think he knows that we are fully "out", though the subject has never been discussed.

  1. 
• 

  caligirl

  My stepson lives with his "witness" mother. He is early teens, and recently baptized (he tells us it is because other kids his age did it) He has heard my son talk about holidays and had no qualms accepting christmas gifts from my family last year. I think he knows that we are fully "out", though the subject has never been discussed. He knows that life in our house is different, in a good way, from his life with his mentally ill mother. I am worried that we cannot expect him to be open and comfortable discussing how he feels with us if we are secretive about how we live our life when he is around. If he were to "spill the beans" so to speak (which has happened regarding other issues in the past) about the fact that we celebrate holidays, his mother will set out to see that my husband is disfellowshipped and have absolutely no qualms about causing trauma to her son. She has repeatedly demonstrated that her sons well being and feelings are irrelevant to her agenda, and her ultimate goal is to sever his relationship with his father. Any suggestions on how to broach the subject with him? Or should we leave it alone?
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  12

  Do you remember having to spend Thanksgiving......

  by Jesika in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  going door to door???????

  i remember the jw's thinking this was a great chance to reach those we normally wouldn't have.

  i hated going out in service on the holidays!!!!!

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  caligirl

  I really lucked out in that area - my father believed it was rude to disturb families on the holidays so we rarely had to "support the group" in holiday service. Amazing really, because he was an elder.
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  43

  Why Did You???

  by kelpie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  why did you choose the nickname you did for this forum??

  also who do you think has the coolest/funniest/weirdest name on the board?

  i choose kelpie because that is my partner's nickname for me as my initials are klp.

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  caligirl

  Because my husband calls me his cali(fornia) girl.
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  9

  JW's Floundering Over Thanksgiving?

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  thanksgiving don't mean a thing to us ignorants brits, however, a little birdie tells me that it is a big thing over that side of the pond, so i hope that you all have a good time.. it's interesting to see the celebration - or lack of it - being discussed on a pro - witness forum here: http://www.touchstoneforum.org/~dchoi/dcforum/dcforumid1/1119.html.

  seems that even the big guns over there are floundering about why it shouldn't be celebrated and resorting to cracking jokes.

  one of 'em might only post on friday!.

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  caligirl

  We always called it my Mom's "unthanksgiving" because she always does a big dinner on Friday - It's kind of a joke to me and my siblings because it is so transparent.
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  36

  Spousal Abuse Thoughts

  by DakotaRed in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have been having an ongoing discussion with a friend about spousal abuse.

  she has come to accept and believe that i have never hit a woman in my life, but feels that i am a rarity.

  i contend that i am not, that although too many men still hit their wives, they are in the minority.

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  caligirl

  I have never been hit. I also do not necessarily beleive that most men hit. I think that it happens far more than it should, but I do not think that the majority of men hit. I also think that women who are abusive to their husbands does not get enough attention. Women can be the abusers too, and what about the men who don't hit back? I do not understand why it is considered abuse when a man hits a woman but is not considered abuse when a woman hits or injures a man. But if the man hits back, he would be the one to be considered the abuser. It makes no sense to me.

  I think that in a good relationship, both should want to do what they can to make the other happy. It is not a one way street.