I was so amazed to see this thread today. I am also dealing with letting go of a friendship.
Even though we're not super close on a day-to-day basis, I did consider us caring friends. We met when our kids were in pre-school together about 12 years ago. We also have friends in common and belong to the same book group. We have supported each other through some tough times and I thought we would continue our friendship.
But she continues to hurt my feelings by having parties and not inviting me and my family. The first time I just chalked it up to whatever. I don't expect exclusive friendship and I'm not a demanding or needy friend. And yet, she invites the friends we have in common but never me. I'm sure the next time she has a crisis in her life she'll call me. Am I just the "crisis" friend?
No one knows what to make of it, our mutual friends are confused and feel bad for me. I guess I could ask her but I think I am just done investing the time and energy. I feel like it's a sign that there is no more energy in the relationship and it's time to move on. I feel a little sad because we do have some history together but I'm relieved to let it go.
I agree with co co about the book Necessary Losses. I read it for a Psych class right after I left the witnesses. It had a profound impact on me and helped me move on in my life.
Hugs to all of you who are moving through these transitions. It takes a lot of courage to let go in love.
Eva
Posts by evita
-
21I ponder on time with friends..
by Sparkplug inthe older i get the more i have to evaluate myself.
i have noted a loyalty to a fault with friends.
i truly have thought on that.
-
-
evita
-
29
New here....Tired of pain
by Momma of 2 ini don't have a lot of time to post at the momment.
i am a new mother of twin boys...when i get an update picture of both of them together i will use it as my icon..til then you just see jimmy.
here is a link to my story, it was posted on another wonderful board.. http://p196.ezboard.com/fexjehovahswitnessforumfrm14.showmessage?topicid=377.topic.
-
-
evita
Momma of 2
Congratulations on your twins! And Welcome to the board!
Your story broke my heart. You're so young and have gone through so much. I'm sorry your parents can't see past the religion and appreciate their daughter. My mom did the same thing for many years but she did spend time with us after my twins were born. Yes, I also have twin boys and they are almost 12. Twins are so special. At first it is a whole lot of hard work but they are so amazing. I can't imagine life without my boys or their older brother.
Eva -
36
Have you ever had a really bad haircut? (rant)
by restrangled inwent to a salon today with picture in hand.
i spent 2/1/2 hours suffering in the chair, (foiling and cut).
i wound up with about 6 to 7 inches lopped off and came out looking like a big haired, bubble headed 80's special.
-
-
evita
Oh yes, this happened to me right after I left the witnesses. I was super depressed and thought a new hairstyle would cheer me up. Went to a new, expensive to me, salon called Bananas. OK, this should have been a clue along with my hairstylist's super short, spiky do. But no, I did not heed the warning signs. I was young and foolhardy.
So I had beautiful, medium length, slightly layered hair. It was a little shaggy and I asked the stylist to give me more shape around my face. She said "OK, put your head down." She then snipped off all my hair up to my ears in one fell swoop. I was nervous but I thought "hey, a new beginning". She then proceeded to give me a boys haircut before I knew what was happening. I started to cry and she said, " I don't need this shit today, let me just finish the cut". One of the other stylists felt sorry for me and gave me a beer!
Being a meek exjw, I paid the bill. To be fair, I got many compliments on my hair. But I felt like a boy and it just wasn't me.
Now, I hardly ever get my hair cut. It looks horrible but I'm terrified after dozens of bad cuts.
Eva -
10
Prince's concerts in London
by juni inapprinceprince will play 21 concerts in london.
may 8, 12:29 pm est.
the associated press.
-
-
evita
This just burns me up. Prince is "worldly" by JW standards. His music is filled with sexual innuendo, he dresses provocatively, he sets himself up for "idol worship". What more does a guy have to do to get disfellowshipped?
Most dubs would have the elders after them just for associating with someone like Prince.
Is it the money? Or is it some public relations ploy so the higher ups can pretend they don't have stringent shunning rules? Or do they just like having a celebrity in their midst?
I just can't figure this one out. Like Juni said, most witnesses give up so much to remain in good standing. -
5
The emotions of leaving
by Irish Rose ini have been reading post here and at other webb sites and how ones leaving or in the process of leaving were talking about how scared it is to take this step.
i thought i would share what i had delt with 6 years ago, this month.
it was may 2001, my son was in the hospital.
-
-
evita
Welcome Irish Rose!
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you had to be shunned in order to gain your freedom. I know firsthand how painful that can be.
You're right about having a good support system - it's crucial for emotional survival after leaving the cult.
Glad you joined us and look forward to hearing more from you.
Eva -
31
I never have done right by you...
by Sparkplug inin talking to my mom the other day (who is doing so well btw) she turned to me and said straight and as sane as can be, "i have never done right by you, don't do as i have done to you to you kids.
" she got teary eyed and i changed the subject fast because i did not know how to take it nor could i talk with the big lump in my throat.
i have known this my whole life, and i don't even speak it as plain as she has spoken it, but hearing out of her mouth as she sits in her wheelchair and knowing she means it from her heart and from pure love, well it messed me up a bit.
-
-
evita
When my mother was dying she called me many times crying with regret. I had a similar response to yours. I could not bear it and changed the subject. I knew she had very little time left so I told her I loved her and that the past was the past. But honestly it was just too painful to hear her say those words. In retrospect, I very much regret not letting her say what she needed to say. She was trying to tell me something that I couldn't hear. She said she didn't want to die with a "wall between us". Of course, the wall was the religion and we couldn't go there.
In the end, all words were meaningless. I just lay down next to her and listened to her heart as I did when I was a child. -
13
Lost my father in law
by Crooked Lumpy Vessel inhe passed away on sunday.
he discovered and had removed melanoma from his back in december.
all seemed well and it was diagnosed that they had removed it successfully.
-
-
evita
So sorry to hear of your loss. My mother died 2 years ago, also rather quickly. The shock and grief was so intense. I cried every day for at least a year; my family was very patient and understanding. I talked about my mom constantly and accomplished very little.
I think bumblebee and journey-on had words of wisdom. You just get through it one day at a time. It helps to eat healthy food, and go for walks. I was in such a fog that I didn't pay attention to my health and gained 20 pounds. Give yourself and your husband permission to grieve for as long as it takes. Try to remember that in time the grief will not be as raw. You will still feel it but it won't be so debilitating.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Eva -
75
Were you a "Born-In", or were you "Converted"?
by Warlock ini was converted in the early 1980's.. warlock .
-
-
evita
I was 13 when my mother began studying.
I was forced to study and go to meetings which I resisted for a year. Finally gave in as the pressure was so intense and I was miserable. Eventually I became thoroughly indoctrinated and was baptized at 15. Spent my teen years trying to be the perfect witness girl and judging everyone else. Started to wake up at 18 but couldn't get all the way out until my early 20's.
Even though I've been out for many years, I was profoundly affected by my time "in". -
70
Did you have a favorite food at the assemblies (when they sold it there)?
by kitten whiskers inhubby and i got on the topic last night.
he was wondering what i was eating- a frozen jello pudding cup.
i remember getting them at the assemblies, especially the hot summer district assemblies.
-
-
evita
Almost forgot about the chicken on the squishy white bread. I actually liked that more than the bbq beef.
I loved getting to the assemblies early and having a cheese or apple danish washed down with a nice hot cup of coffee.
I thought about the food constantly during the talks. What could I eat next? Eating and socializing was the best part of the whole thing.
I always volunteered to work food service because I could miss some of the talks without getting in trouble with my mom. -
10
Babel~Made me really sit down hard on my bumm and cry...you?
by Sparkplug inin the remote sands of the moroccan desert, a rifle shot rings out--detonating a chain of events that will link an american tourist couples frantic struggle to survive, two moroccan boys involved in an accidental crime, a nanny illegally crossing into mexico with two american children and a japanese teen rebel whose father is sought by the police in tokyo.
separated by clashing cultures and sprawling distances, each of these four disparate groups of people are nevertheless hurtling towards a shared destiny of isolation and grief.
in the course of just a few days, they will each face the dizzying sensation of becoming profoundly lost--lost in the desert, lost to the world, lost to themselves--as they are pushed to the farthest edges of confusion and fear as well as to the very depths of connection and love.
-
-
evita
Sparkplug,
I didn't mean to turn this into a thread about me. Guess I just needed to vent.
Anyway, thanks for listening and for your kind comments.
By the way, I just saw another good movie called The Namesake. Not quite as spectacular as Babel, but very good in it's own quiet way.
Hugs, Eva