Nina, Thanks for sharing that. You deserve happier times after all you've been through.
I've been feeling pretty down since the death of my mom. It's nice to hear that better times are possibly ahead.
Evi
Posts by evita
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19What an interesting feeling!
by cruzanheart inabout a month or two ago, i spent a week feeling incredibly sad.
i cried at the drop of a hat and was very, very sad -- about what i didn't know.
(and, no, it wasn't "that" time of the month.
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evita
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92
Compiling List-Trivial Items People Are Counseled Against
by love2Bworldly ini hope this is not a repeat of past threads and i hope to get a lot of response.
i am compiling info of how people are treated within the wts.
i just read the post about a person being counseled for having baby shower games.
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evita
I personally was counseled for : not placing enough mags as an aux pioneer
having lunch at school with an inactive witness (not baptized)
snapping at my mom out in field service
being involved in extra-curricular activities at school
watching Soul Train
After I left I would take my young boys to visit my mom. In addition to not talking about any holidays or birthday parties, they also couldn't discuss much of anything else they were doing... Yoga, Martial Arts, Pokemon,Star WArs, Mage Knights, yugioh, magic tricks, many movies and video games. It was a huge challenge for my mom to get to know my kids. -
24
Last JW meeting
by greendawn inwhen you finally came to the jw meeting that you knew was your last one, what were your thoughts, feelings or actions?
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my last was the summer convent of 1986. i stood there until everyone left and then i took a picture with my new camera of the empty stadium, the wish being that the wts would collapse and never fill up again stadiums with people.
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evita
I was about 22. The year was 1981 I think.
I had been fading for about a year and I was a real emotional mess.
My worldly boyfriend broke up with me. My mom was shunning me.
I was living alone for the first time. I lost a lot of weight and cut my hair short as a boy.
So.... decided to go to the convention to see if I needed to go back.
Drove from Santa Rosa to the Oakland Coliseum alone and I sat alone.
By the end of day I knew I could never go back. It was over.
I remember feeling some sadness as I listened to the singing.
Then, driving home I felt relief and freedom.
Evi -
60
Coming clean about what's been going on lately, I need to talk......
by Jez inwell, my sil and best friend came to this site on my recommendation (jw).
i just wanted her to check it out without judgement as we have always been able to talk about everything.
she basically was disgusted, said it was full of crap and lies and would never look at it again.
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evita
Jez
Sorry you have to go thru this difficult situation. You did everything you could to be a loyal friend. Now it may be time to be true to yourself and live life the way you know is right for you. I know it's hard and so unfair. My thoughts are with you.
Evi -
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evita
My guilty pleasures include:
ER - not too many good stories lately
Nip/Tuck - really gory
The Shield - I'm really hooked on this, although half of it goes over my head.
Crossing Jordan reruns - I don't know how I got hooked on this one.
Evi -
21
Closure? What has been your experience?
by ljwtiamb inwhat has given you the greatest peace of mind?
must one initiate their own exit or does it matter that a jc pushes an issue?
df or da or fade?
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evita
I faded over 20 years ago and never really had closure because my mother remained a devoted dub.
Sadly, my mom died in December and with her passing I have lost my only connection to Jw.
So, now I am making my peace with the whole experience and grieving 30 years of lost relationship with my mom. She only shunned me part of the time but it was enough to cause extreme emotional distress and
damage to our relationship.
I have created a good life for myself. I have to accept my experiences and move on, but it is tough
as the org had a huge effect on my life.
Evi -
69
Blog in honour of my Stepmom
by jgnat inmyrna, my beloved stepmom, was diagnosed with breast cancer early this year.
in typical fashion, she let us all know what was happening in her life, informed herself of the options, and calmly determined her course of treatment.
it was a very small lump, and it looks like all of it was removed.
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evita
Sending love and hugs your way Jgnat
So sorry to hear of your loss.
I just found your blog. I'm sorry I didn't see it earlier. My mom died of cancer in Dec 04. She only lived for 8 wks from her diagnosis. It was devastating and I am still grieving.
My thoughts are with you.
Evi -
40
20 years ago..a talk concerning field service..sisters crying..eyes opened
by confusedjw inwell i can't recall now which public talks it was - one of my first - and it dealt with field service / preaching.
so i thought i would interview several people in the congregation about service and their thoughts and feelings on the subject, expecting something very different than what i got.
to my shock (i was an over zealous young buck who thought the sun rose and set on the wt) three sisters burst into tears as they told about their feelings of inadequacy and guilt over field service.
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evita
I loathed field service and was terrible at it. I was painfully shy as a teen and would get very tongue-tied when put on the spot. It was so humiliating. I thought I was the only one with this problem.
I was also embarrassed because when I tried to "witness" it just sounded so stupid and I could see why no one believed it. I met some really nice people at the door and I so envied them their lives. But many people would never come to the door or slam it in our face. As a teenage girl desperate for acceptance this was almost unbearable.
I was also petrified of dogs. We had lots of rural territory with unleashed dogs. Very scary for me; I would freeze up and cry.
I would do anything to get out of going to the door. Often, I would fall asleep in the back seat, or say I had cramps.
Still, I tried to be the perfect little teen dub. I had the cutest book bag. I aux pioneered when I could. I got a lot of attention from the "inner circle" of the congregation when I pioneered and I wanted to be popular.
At one point I was told I couldn't continue to pioneer because my mag placement was so low.
I wouldn't have cried then if you had asked my about FS but I am almost in tears now just thinking about it. -
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evita
My mom started studying in 1973
I was baptized in 1974 when I was 15
Tried to be a good little dub till I was 22, then got a little wild.
Moved away from home and faded.
Went to one last convention just to see if I was missing something - I think around 83 or 84.
Since then I have only stepped foot in the KH three times. One wedding and two memorials.
Mom died in Dec 04. She professed to be of the anointed.
I have no more ties to JW (except my own emotional baggage - which is a lot) -
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Are You or Were You Ever On Meds For Depression?
by minimus ini know so many people, not just witnesses that are on zoloft or similar drugs.
i know of some that, once they left the "truth", stopped taking these meds and have not had to go back on them.
i know of some that, if they did not have them, would not be able to properly function......what about you?
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evita
When I found out my Jw mom had terminal cancer (October 04) I began taking 10mg Prozac and also half a little tab of Atavan to help me sleep. I was freaking out so much, having to deal with my mom's death (she died 8 wks later), taking care of family needs (3 Kids & hubby), and also having to deal with all her friends who are dubs. I also went to her memorial and I hadn't been to a KH in over 20 yrs (except for 1 wedding and 1 memorial).
I am still taking it and am afraid to stop. It kind of allows me a slow grief instead of a debilitating one. Am I just postponing the inevitable?
Evi