I said it in a previous post on another issue, and I feel it applies to this as well. I think today's society feels like it has its finger on the pulse of mental development. We have self professed psychologist thanks to "awareness" of all the "ism-s", "ologies," and thus we forget the "disorders." I think it's simply played out and over used. Not to down play real problems with development or sell short the abilities of a real pyschiatrist or psychologist, they are wonderful in their profession. However, we as parents seem to forget that kids will be KIDS. We put so much pressure on them to grow up faster than we did, and to fit them into the mold that society seems to think they should fit!
Your son is probably a healthy, normal child. Premies are special, but at his age, I don't think it would impact his "behavior issue" being addressed at hand. It honestly sounds like the schools in your area are just too quick to jump the gun and start throwing labels on children, which doesn't seem fair. YOU know your child better than anyone (as does your immediate family). YOU would recognize a potential problem. I would think that if a true problem were at hand, you'd see more than just "he doesn't socialize with other kids." There'd be strained realtionships with you/family, bad grades, irrational behavior (and that doesn't include sliding down the banister or racing laundry baskets down the stairs) or aggression. If you truly feel there might be a problem, YOU take him to have him tested. Get referrals from your pediatrician and let someone in the MEDICAL field help guide you to someone you can trust to test your child. Don't let the school make those sort of decisions for you. He is your child, and your responsibility. If they noticed a "problem" commend them on paying attention to notice such an issue. Then politely thank them and figure out for yourself if you think there's really a problem or not. He's YOUNG. He's learning a lot about who he is, what he likes, and learning how to interact. If he's been an only child this long (as my first son was), it might take some time for him to learn social skills...but it will happen when HE is ready, not when the chart says it should happen.
I know I sound like I am on a soap box, and I suppose I am to some degree. I just get so irritated of hearing so much dribble about kids' behavior. What ever happened to putting a tack in mom's chair to see if she will fly out of the seat and hit the ceiling like Tom and Jerry did? What happened to boys being made of "snail trails and puppy dog tails"? When did we take away popguns to play cowboys and indians? I believe stiffling a child's ability too much will cause a child to yearn and drift in thoughts when they grow a bit older. Let them be kids! There's time enough for them to grow up, learn to play nice, and earn that 6 digit salary and have stress. I just had a conversation with my cousin who was worried because her 6 month old's head measured in the 90 percentile on the growth chart. She cried that her child has a big head. Please. Come on. I told her she's a BABY! She'll grow to be just fine! She was a C Section baby and that's the normal range for her.
Let your son be a child. Maybe he has had a lot of adult exposure. Maybe take him to the back yard and make mud pies with him and the neighbor kid. Take him to the zoo. Find another child his age and spend some time all together? But whatever you do, don't make your child feel like there's something wrong. He's not living up to someone else's standard, is he living up to yours? It sure sounds like it!
Don't stress it, Daddy-O! You and Mom are doing great, and you sound proud of him, and you should be. Always remember to color outside the lines and think outside the box!
Best wishes,
Alisha